


Sisters Under The Skin

by vjs2259



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Alternate Universe, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 13:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 77,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vjs2259/pseuds/vjs2259
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is AU. It presupposes that Anna Sheridan's real consciousness remained trapped under the Shadow personality implanted in her body and through much effort was restored to her. She's lost three years of her life. Everyone she knows thinks she is dead. Waking up to a new world, a world at war, a world where she has no place; she finds her husband no longer trusts her and her only friend is the woman he now loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Decision

**Author's Note:**

> Standard disclaimer applies; not my characters or settings or backgrounds. But they are my words.
> 
> Title taken from Rudyard Kipling's Barracks Room Ballad 'The Ladies'
> 
> "...When you get to a man in the case,  
> They're like as a row of pins --  
> For the Colonel's Lady an' Judy O'Grady  
> Are sisters under their skins!"

 

Delenn had directed the computer to save John's farewell message, the one he had set on time delay so that she had no chance to try and forestall his fated journey to Z'ha'dum. A growing shadow in her mind whispered to her, reminding her...they might be the last words she would ever hear him speak.

 

The night had been long and difficult. Meditation proved impossible. Her mind careened back and forth from from one tragic possibility to another. John was gone, that was the barren truth of it, and there was nothing she could do but await events. The past is sometimes also future, she had once told Lennier. Now all she could see was heart-break, past or future. Lennier had contacted her that morning, reminding her of various tasks and duties for the day. She had been unkind, cutting him off with a brusque directive. "Cancel them. Cancel them all." Today she was unavailable to all those who leaned on her and turned to her. Today she needed time to herself. Today she needed to be alone.

 

Untouched tea lay cooling in her cup when the com sounded again. "Yes?" she answered automatically, numbly wondering how angry she would have to sound to prevent Lennier from interrupting her solitude. She'd turned off the visual on the monitor, afraid that she would see John's face there if she looked at it again.

 

The mellow baritone voice came right to the point. "Delenn, it's Stephen Franklin. Could you stop by MedLab later today?” The doctor's voice became unusually hesitant. “I could use some advice, and I really have no idea who else to ask."

 

Delenn thought for a moment, remembering the doctor's kindness and discretion after her transformation. It was a debt, one that deserved repayment. "I will come," she said, glancing down at the sleeping robe she was somehow still wearing at this advanced hour of the morning. "In half an hour?" she requested politely, and then added, "May I ask what this is about?"

 

The unit was silent for a long moment. Then, the doctor's voice came again, more certain this time. "It's Anna Sheridan," he said. "She's collapsed."

 

***************************

 

MedLab was abnormally quiet. Most of the remaining patients had been shuttled down to the planet with medical staff to attend them. The facilities on-station were being kept for urgent cases, minor problems, and triage of incoming refugees. When the inevitable battle arrived, they would need all the space they could muster. Stephen was standing in blue woven scrubs, arms crossed, staring into a glass-walled cubicle. A woman lay on the bed inside, hooked to sensors and looking fragile in the harsh white light. Delenn approached Stephen and looked inside at Captain Sheridan's wife; her rival, or perhaps her victim. She had no frame of reference for this situation. But Delenn could harbor no animus towards the woman lying pale and silent in the hospital bed. "What is wrong with her?" she asked Stephen, then added, to her own surprise, "What may I do to help?"

 

Stephen nodded at her offer with satisfaction, but admitted, "I'm not completely sure. The Captain left me a message to look after her, but when I got to his cabin, she was unconscious on the floor, bruised from what looks like a fall. She's had two seizures since we got her here; it's possible that a previous one caused the fall. There are some anomalies on her brain scan. I have some thoughts, but I could use some assistance. Could you find Lyta Alexander for me?"

 

Delenn looked at him, eyes wide and confused, and said, "Certainly, but why is she needed?"

 

Stephen shook his head. "I'd rather tell all of you together. Ivanova will be here in an hour. If you could meet me back here, with Lyta, I'll go over my plan then." He looked back into the cubicle. Under his breath, he added, "And it had better work. I'm running out of ideas."

 

*************************

 

One hour later, Delenn and Lyta approached MedLab, and from outside they could hear Susan Ivanova arguing with Stephen Franklin. "I have approximately one hundred things that need done yesterday. I can't stand around here waiting for you to spring whatever surprise you've got planned!"

 

Delenn entered at that moment with Lyta right behind her. The telepath's eyes were bruised and her face was white with fatigue. She looked as if she had spent more than a few sleepless nights. Delenn glanced from Lyta to Susan, and over to Stephen. They all shared the same expression; a mix of exhaustion, nervous tension, and incipient grief.

 

"Ms. Alexander has agreed to hear your suggestion, Doctor," she said, nodding in greeting to Stephen. "Commander," she acknowledged Susan's presence formally with a slight bow.

 

Stephen cleared his throat and looked away from the three women, momentarily at a loss for words. Then he pulled around a computer monitor and tapped a few keys. A brain scan came up on the screen. "I really shouldn't be sharing medical information of this type with anyone but the next of kin but..." His voice held a rough edge of sadness.

 

Susan interjected a note of steel. "Since that's not possible now, proceed, Doctor."

 

Stephen pointed to the scan, showing the three women the scars at the base of Anna's skull, and the matching shadows on the skulls of the telepaths they had rescued earlier. "There's been some interference with her brain, as I told you before, Commander." Then he tapped the keys again, and a new scan came up. He moved it next to the original one he'd indicated was Anna's. "This is a new scan I ran today, to see if I could pinpoint the source of the seizures. Here," he showed them. "Do you see the difference? There's something growing out of those scars. It resembles the implants in the telepath's brains, but it's nowhere near as extensive." He pointed to a network of what looked like fine wires exiting the base of the skull and just edging into the basal ganglia. "It's like the process is just beginning. Like it was triggered by something, or someone. It certainly wasn't there before!"

 

Susan reacted with instant alarm. "Is she trying to connect to the computers, access the station controls? She could be operating as a Trojan horse!"

 

Delenn broke in, "I do not think so, Susan. John...the Captain indicated that Anna wanted him to come back with her to Z'ha'dum. If she was here to do damage to the station, why issue the invitation?"

 

"Perhaps it was a secondary mission," Susan mused. "A back-up plan if John wouldn't go back with her." Her voice became bleak. "Of course he would go. You would think she of all people" and she gestured contemptuously at Anna, "would know that."

 

Stephen interrupted her. "That wasn't...isn't...the real Anna Sheridan. He added quickly, "And she's shown no tendency to latch onto equipment like the others do whenever they get near any. I tested that. Carefully!” he added at a stern look from Susan. “We're keeping her isolated for safety though, using hand-held scanners only. The data from those is downloaded wirelessly to the central medical network for analysis. I have some remote monitors for vital signs, but those are kept separated from the main systems as well." He added in frustration. "I can't do that with the telepaths in cryo. I need the computers to monitor the thawing procedure. Those poor souls can't be isolated from the main computers, not here on the station at least."

 

Susan looked at him, eyes hard and lips narrowed with suspicion. "So what do you think they did to Ms. Sheridan? Was she plugged into one of their ships or was she just prepped for it? Perhaps the connections were put in, and then yanked out? Are they growing back? Why do you think there is any of her left in there?"

 

Stephen shook his head. "I don't know. I've been studying the implants on the telepaths, but these are like nothing I've ever seen before." Slipping into a more comfortable instructional mode, Stephen went on. "Memory and personality are distributive functions of the physical brain. This is one area of the brain where memory is stored, the first place most people think of." He indicated the frontal lobes with a forefinger, "But memories are scattered. Personality is the result of the pattern of access to memory, how often the memories are accessed and in what order; the sum of those patterns is what forms a neural signature, the distinct mental footprint that we call a person's mind." Confident now, he continued. "In this case there is evidence of an overlaid personality matrix, probably one put there by the Shadows in order for her to be able to function as Anna Sheridan.

 

Lyta said, "How did they put in a personality that had Anna Sheridan's memories? Were they programmed into the matrix?"

 

Stephen answered, "I don't think so. I think her own personality may still exist, that it wasn't disrupted completely by the Shadows' intervention. Anna's memories would have been blocked rather than destroyed to allow the implant access to them. And some of the patterns would have to be available if the implant meant to convince the Captain this was his wife."

 

"Blocks that strong would show in her actions and attitudes. People would notice," replied Lyta. Then she added, "I suppose it wouldn't matter as long as she passed for a while. She wasn't meant to be here for very long." She paused at Delenn's sudden intake of breath.

 

Stephen coughed slightly, and went on, "In the telepaths there are varying degrees of infiltration and damage throughout the frontal lobes. In some of them, normal tissue was almost completely destroyed. But not here." He glanced at Lyta, who had returned to staring at the brain scans. "Then he looked over at Anna, who was still lying motionless. "The seizures are what's causing the most damage right now. I think they may be a reaction to the growing implants. None of the normal anti-seizure meds I've tried are helping."

 

Lyta looked up from the screen. "You can see all that in those smudges and shadows?” She shook her head, “It's all so different when you're looking from the inside."

 

Delenn was staring at Stephen in dismay, and she noticed Lyta staring also, but more in incomprehension. Susan's expression was merely stony and cold.

 

Lyta directed another question to Stephen, asking, "What are you suggesting exactly? And why did you ask to see me?"

 

Stephen sighed, running his hand over his close-cropped hair. "If we download the intact portion of Anna's long-term memories, along with what we can of the patterns, and then map it onto a wetware network frame, we can essentially make a copy of her mind. It's new technology, but extremely promising. Using the judicial mind-wipe system, we then remove the implanted personality. Modern systems merely block off the old memories, disrupt the old patterns and replace then with new, conditioned patterns that are more societally acceptable."

 

Lyta nodded in assent. "I've done monitoring for the judicial system. PsiCorps sometimes does pro bono work for the government in return for certain...privileges. Old style mind wipes were brutal, they left people totally incapacitated. Even with the personality add-ons, the subjects were never quite right afterward."

 

Stephen hastened to interject, "The blocks are much more refined technology. But in this case, for safety, we'll want to remove the implanted patterns rather than block them. But we need to protect her real memories and the underlying patterns, hence the downloading. After the download and wipe, I'll try to take out the budding Shadow hardware, and after that we'll upload the stored memories. They will map onto the older patterns if they're still there or make new ones if they're not, although those will be unintegrated and possibly incomplete. Of course we know how to upload a standard artificial personality, it's part of the judicial technique. This would just be more elaborate."

 

Delenn stared at him, shocked to her core. Beyond the risk lay the twin horror of both copying and destroying the essence of a person; of moving and removing what made someone themselves. "I cannot believe you are suggesting this. Is there no other way?" Lyta merely shook her head in amazed disbelief.

 

Stephen replied swiftly in defense, "I've been working on the telepaths we brought back, trying out various treatments, but nothing has worked! This could be a real break-through. Their implants might be able to be removed while their personality is safely stored on a neural net. Assuming the damage isn't too great we could restore their long-term memories and their essential selves. We could save them!"

 

Susan shook her head emphatically. "No, Stephen. This is gross experimentation; you would be using the woman without her permission or that of her family! How can you even consider such a thing? Freeze her down if you are worried she is getting worse. This is no time for doing research of this sort."

 

Stephen argued back forcibly, "It's not just research, but people's lives! I've been trying every damned thing I can think of for months now to help the telepaths we found. I had Captain Sheridan's approval, and I also had the permission of Mr. Bester. And the telepaths we've been able to communicate with want desperately want released from the hell they're in now." He held up one hand as Susan's eyes flashed, "I know what you think of Bester, but he is arguably a true advocate for those people." Looking at the woman laying still on the other side of the glass, he added, "Anna Sheridan doesn't have anyone but her husband. But I thought maybe Lyta could reach her, make her understand what's happened to her. See if she's even still in there." His face hardened. "If that doesn't work, I'll need your opinion." Here he pointed first to Susan, then to Delenn. "You're the ones who are closest to the Captain. He's her next of kin. What would he say?"

 

Susan expostulated, "How in the hell should I know!" She started to speak again, but her comlink chimed an urgent signal. Slapping it silent, she said in a tight voice, "I have got to get back to work, Stephen. Here's my personal opinion. Don't do anything. If she deteriorates further, put her in cryo and work it out later. We are still in the middle of a goddamn war, in case you've forgotten!" With that, she turned on her heel and left the room, back ramrod-straight.

 

Stephen looked at Delenn, who answered slowly, "I cannot speak to this, Doctor. It is not my place." In a thin voice she added, "I believe I have what you would call a conflict of interest. Besides, it is not as if my decisions of late have been good ones." She looked at Lyta and questioned, "Could you wake her, talk to her perhaps? Find out what she would want?"

 

"I think so," said Lyta with a practical air. "It might not work, but it shouldn't make anything worse."

 

************************

 

Lyta was wrong. It made things much worse. Anna's unconscious condition made the telepath's entrance simple at first. Lyta had slid quietly into the woman's mind, carefully avoiding the areas that were Shadow-touched. To her view they were dark, black and oily, like damp strands of hair that clung briefly to her as she passed. Once she moved past them, she entered a stone archway etched with strange symbols that reeked of protection. On the other side a green glow met her inner eye as she walked steadily towards the source of the light.

 

_Tall grass parted at her knees and sunshine warmed Lyta's shoulders as she walked towards a sparkling river. A punt was tied to the side of a floating dock. Lyta walked over and looked into the boat but it was empty. A low throaty laugh sounded behind her, and she turned to look into Anna Sheridan's golden brown eyes. Anna gestured towards the boat, and said, "It was just a little too Lady of Shalott for me." Lyta turned back and the dock was now a long wooden pier, wood greyed with age, sticking far out into the gurgling water. Anna walked past her, out to the end of the pier, and sat down. Her feet were bare, and she dangled them over the edge, dipping her toes into the swiftly flowing stream. Lyta joined her, sitting cross-legged on the sun-warmed wood, enjoying the warm breeze on her face. It lifted her hair, and she pushed it from her eyes, focusing on the other Anna's face. "Mrs. Sheridan," she began._

 

_"Oh, call me Anna," replied the other woman. "We've just met, but we couldn't be much closer, could we?" She stared at Lyta frankly. "This is quite an awkward situation, isn't it?"_

 

_"How much do you know of what's happened to you?" asked Lyta._

 

_Anna shook her head. "I've only gotten fragments, flashes, since the Icarus landed on that godforsaken world." Her forehead wrinkled in thought. "There were...things...terrible things...living there." Her voice fell to a whisper. "I remember death. I remember pain."_

 

_Lyta didn't know how much to say, or what to say. Frankly, she hadn't known what to expert. She'd entered unconscious minds a few times before, but they were generally lost in a dream-world, speaking only in symbols. Then again, maybe that wasn't so far from the truth here. "You've been injured," she said forthrightly. "The doctor is worried about your situation and wants to try an experimental treatment. Without it, he'll have to put you into cryogenic sleep." Lyta hesitated. "There's some ongoing deterioration, and a chance it may get worse. You've had several seizures; the doctor can't stop them. He wants to know what you want to do."_

 

_Anna leaned over the side of the dock and dipped her fingers into the flowing water. "I want to live." Abruptly she flicked cold water into Lyta's face, then apologized. "Sorry. Don't know why I did that." Serious now, she asked, "Why didn't the doctor ask John? He knows what I'd want."_

 

_"Captain Sheridan," Lyta began, her throat tightening. "Captain Sheridan isn't around right now."_

 

_"Oh," said Anna. "Off on a mission, I suppose." She shook her head. "Doesn't matter. If it's that serious, tell the doctor to do his best." She looked up the river, where dark water was threading its way down the center of the stream. "I'm not sure I have much time," she added. "Tell him to hurry."_

 

_Lyta felt a shudder shake the pier, and the wooden structure crumbled beneath them. Lyta found herself on the shore, standing next to Anna who was staring in fear at the trees that suddenly stood next to them. The shadows behind the tall whispering pines were deep and black. They seemed to be moving, shifting and changing shape. The ground shook again, and Anna screamed._

 

Lyta felt the shaking jolt her whole body, but this time her eyes opened to see Delenn holding her shoulders. "Lyta!" She heard her name but it seemed to be coming from far away. She wanted to shut her eyes, avoid the shadows that lurked behind them, but there was something she needed to do, a message...her head snapped upright as she felt the remaining threads of contact with Anna Sheridan break.

 

"I'm okay," she managed to say. Delenn nodded, keeping one hand in a tight grip on her shoulder. "What's happening?" Lyta said as she looked around for Dr. Franklin. "How's Anna?"

 

"Mrs. Sheridan is experiencing another seizure, and the doctor is attempting to treat her." Delenn's voice sounded worried, almost on the edge of panic. "He says she is getting worse, that the Shadow's area of involvement seems to be growing. Perhaps it would be best to put her into the cold sleep with the others."

 

Lyta shook her head. "I don't think so. I think she's just barely holding on. It's not the same as the telepaths; she's sequestered, isolated in one area of her mind. I think I triggered some response when I made contact. I think they're coming for her." When Stephen came out, snapping his gloves off and pushing back his sweat-stained head-covering, Lyta stood in front of him and said urgently. "She wants you to try, Doctor. She wants you to save her."


	2. The Sleeper Wakes

Late the following afternoon, Delenn arrived back in MedLab to see how Anna Sheridan's surgery had gone. Her bed was empty, and Delenn's heart froze. She had played the possible scenes over and over in her mind. If...when...John returned, telling him that Anna had not survived was not something she was certain she could do. Stephen came out of an inner bay and greeted her with a warm smile. "She's in here. It's looking good, for now. She's still unconscious."

 

"May I sit with her a while?" asked Delenn. "Have you completed the treatment?"

 

Stephen shook his head. "I want to let the swelling recede before I upload her memories. We only recorded the electronic impulses from the undamaged and isolated areas. I just hope it's enough."

 

Delenn smiled faintly. "I will pray. If your skill does not suffice, perhaps faith will."

 

Stephen looked at her with one eyebrow raised, and Delenn began to explain hastily. "It is not that I doubt your skill," she began, but stopped when he smiled broadly.

 

"It's all right. Not like I have a track record to show you. But I really think it will work. The bits of tech came out easily. They have a specific resonance and it's all gone. Scarring was minimal, not like the telepaths. We'll upload in the morning and then we'll see." He frowned. "Commander Ivanova wants Lyta to do a deep scan on her, to make sure every bit of the Shadow personality is gone. But I'm afraid she won't be stable enough for quite a while."

 

"Let us hope she will be soon." Delenn bowed to him, and entered the room. She stood for a moment, looking down at Anna's white face. There was a chair along the glass wall of the cubicle, and after a moment she pulled it over next to the bed and sat down. Sighing lightly, she began to run through a series of ritual prayers for the ill and injured. The level of relationship she had chosen was that of acquaintance, but shaded into potential friend. It seemed the best she could do in the circumstances.

 

Anna began to shift uneasily under the thin blanket. Her hands lay outside the coverlet, and her long white fingers plucked at the fabric. Delenn noted the thin gold ring on Anna's left hand, and moved to settle the blankets back over the restless woman. But as she reached across Anna's body, she felt fingers reach up and slide down her arm, catching on the intricate embroideries of her cuff. Delenn instinctively caught at Anna's hand and felt the other woman clutch at her fingers like a child anxious to locate its mother. She sat back down and resumed her prayers, keeping tight hold of Anna's hand for the remainder of her vigil.

 

************************

 

The next day was occupied with meetings and conferences, attempts to strong-arm the League first into staying to protect the station, then into a rescue mission. Delenn was exhausted by the end of the grueling series of head-on encounters. But she did not forget her responsibility, as she saw it, to Anna Sheridan, and by early evening she found time to make her way back to MedLab. Stephen was still there.

 

"Do you ever sleep?" Delenn asked him, saying the words without thinking. It sounded critical rather than concerned, and it wasn't as if she'd been getting adequate rest lately herself.

 

"I find sleep is sometimes optional," Stephen replied dryly. "She's not awake yet, but it seemed to go well." His voice was light, but there was a tense and anxious tone under the professional demeanor. "Are you going to stay long? I have a 24 hour watch on her, but everyone's kind of busy. We're stretched pretty thin between here and the surface of Epsilon 3. I wondered if you could keep an eye on her while I take some time for a shower and a meal?" He rubbed the back of his neck wearily. "I can't remember the last break I had."

 

Delenn nodded. "I will notify your staff if she awakens, or if there is any change at all." She headed back and Stephen stopped her with a gesture.

 

"The EEG is showing patterns consistent with normal human brain patterns. There are no indications of continuing damage; she's had no further seizures. It all looks good. We just have to wait for her to wake up." He smiled. "I'll be back soon. Thank you for doing this."

 

"It is an honor to be of assistance. She has suffered so much already," Delenn bowed to Stephen and passed him to take up her place by Anna's bed.

 

Sometime in the next few hours Delenn fell asleep. She woke in sudden terror, uncertain where she was. The lights had been dimmed, but the soft flashes from the monitors and steady glow of the screen above Anna's head illuminated the room. Looking over at the bed, Delenn saw Anna's eyelids flutter and open.

 

"Where?" The voice came out in a soft croak.

 

"You are in a medical facility. You are safe." Delenn looked out into the main staging area, but there was no one immediately visible.

 

"Who?"

 

Delenn almost fled. How much would Anna remember? How much should she say? "I am Delenn." The words were cold and stiff in her mouth. "I will call the healers."

 

"Don't...go," Anna raised one hand as if to stop her. Then she licked her lips. "Thirsty."

 

"I will get water." Delenn stood and searched the table by her bed, but couldn't find the carafe. "There will be some in the outer areas," she said reassuringly, thinking to summon assistance at the same time. Then, just as she reached the door, she saw a squeeze bottle of water on a cart. It already had a straw inserted in the top. After a moment's hesitation, and remembering the rasp in Anna's voice, she turned and brought it back to the bed. The lights were still set at sleep levels but the glowing faces of the monitors above the bed and along one wall put out enough illumination for her to see the patient. Slipping one arm behind Anna, she raised the woman up, and put the straw to her lips.

 

Anna sucked at it greedily for a moment, then let it fall from her mouth. "Thank you," she said, "that's much better." Delenn set the bottle down and continued her search for the call button. Anna's color was brighter, and although a bandage swathed one side of her head, her eyes were clear, and staring straight at Delenn.

 

"Delenn. That's a Minbari name." Anna's voice was getting progressively stronger but she was clearly puzzled, both by Delenn's appearance and the entire situation. "Where am I exactly?"

 

"You are on the Babylon 5 space station, in orbit around Epsilon 3." Delenn had found the com button that would summon the on-duty personnel and pressed it hard and repeatedly.

 

"Babylon 5!" Anna replied, stunned. "I heard they finally opened the place. But how did I get here?"

 

Delenn felt completely out of her depth. "It is a long story, and first you need to be seen by Dr. Franklin..."

 

Just then the orderly arrived, a nurse on her heels. "Mrs. Sheridan? How do you feel? Are you in any pain?" rattled off the night orderly as the nurse checked vital signs on the overhead monitor. Delenn shrunk back against the wall, trying to stay out of the way, wondering if she should go. She watched the two medical professionals do their jobs, and felt extraordinarily helpless. It was becoming a familiar feeling. The nurse had used her link to summon Stephen and left the room to prepare equipment for some of the tests already ordered for when Anna awoke. The orderly was rummaging through a cabinet outside the door for more blankets.

 

Delenn approached the bed and stared down at Anna. Her eyes were closed, but the irregular pattern of her breathing indicated she was still awake. She leaned over and said softly, "I must go now. " She did not wish to leave without proper words of farewell.

 

Anna's eyes opened and an anxious expression strained her face. "Will you be back?" she asked, sounding a little frightened. "I don't know anyone else here." A shy smile appeared on her still-dry and cracked lips. She licked them and rasped, "Besides, I have to hear the story behind your hair."

 

Delenn raised one hand self-consciously to her neck, smoothing the wayward curls, but Anna laughed weakly. "It looks good, don't get me wrong. But I've never heard of a Minbari with hair. Of course the amount we don't know about your people probably swamps what we do."

 

Delenn smiled. "That is true. And you are right, it is a long story."

 

Anna gestured around the hospital room. "It doesn't look like I'm going anywhere." She reached one hand up to the bandages on the left side of her head. "What happened to me?"

 

"Dr. Franklin will tell you as much as he deems wise." Delenn watched as Anna's eyes began to close. "You should rest. I will return tomorrow."

 

Stephen Franklin stood outside the doorway, recording something on a tablet, his attention veering between the monitors and a series of read-outs playing across the com screen in front of him. Delenn stopped beside him and looked at the numbers flashing across the screen. "What do they tell you?"

 

Stephen flashed a smile. "It looks very good." He gestured towards the room with his stylus. "We'll let her sleep now. The tests we're doing are all remote, and she needs the rest, just as you said." He cocked his head, examining her face, pale and strained. "You need some rest too. Are you coming back tomorrow?"

 

"I will be here. If you think it would help." Delenn added, "She seems to be...herself? As far as I can tell," she added doubtfully. Then, hesitantly, "How much will she recall of what has happened? Lyta indicated there were some gaps in her memories even before this procedure."

 

Stephen shook his head. "We'll find out eventually. Tomorrow, maybe later. She seems to trust you. If you want to help, come see me and we'll talk about how to let her know what's going on."

 

"Very well," replied Delenn. She bowed to him slightly, and left MedLab for her quarters, once familiar and comforting, now as cold and sterile as the medical facilities.

 

************************

 

The next day Delenn returned carrying a small box in one hand. She nodded to the on-duty nurse and continued further into the medical facility, towards the more private rooms in the back. Stephen Franklin was talking to a member of his staff, and held up one hand to her, indicating she should wait. Stopping obediently, Delenn looked around the room, relatively empty and quiet, unusual for what was normally a bustling center of healing. People were keeping to their quarters, the ones who had not already fled. It was a strange time, the building tension was pulling everyone further and further apart. The League was fracturing, despite all her efforts to hold it together. Ivanova she talked to two or three times a day, but brief status reports were mostly what they exchanged. There was no time to talk to anyone else, and no one to talk to. Time not spent trying to salvage what was left of the alliances she had spent years building was spent in prayer, and in hoping for a miracle.

 

"Delenn?" came a voice, breaking into her reverie, and she saw that Stephen was looking intently at her.

 

"Yes?" she replied, for a moment not remembering why he'd wanted to speak to her. These days conversation came hard to her, like she was moving through thin cold air that took away her breath.

 

"Come into my office, and we'll discuss what we're going to do," said Stephen, holding open a glass door. The room was small, and glass on all sides. With better lighting it would have been attractive enough. Stephen threw some files off a chair next to his desk and Delenn took the offered seat. The package she carried she kept carefully on her lap. Stephen began, "We'll have to take it slow. I've spoken with her twice so far; once late last night and once this morning. She doesn't seem to remember anything beyond the crash of the Icarus. Well, some things she remembers, but they probably happened before the Shadows' intervention. She started to ask after her fellow crew members, then her eyes got this fixed expression, and she told me they were dead. There is undoubtedly some traumatic amnesia. As for the upload, I don't know whether we have re-established her long term memories and she's only lost the past few years, or whether she's lost more." He pushed back in his chair, tipping the front wheels up slightly. "Might be just as well if she never remembers."

 

Delenn shook her head. "It is never better to lose part of yourself, even the parts that cause you pain. You are the sum of all the events that shape your life; to lose some is to lose part of yourself." Shifting uneasily, she asked, "How much have you told her of recent events, and how she came to be here?"

 

Stephen laced his fingers behind his head, and examined Delenn, his expression guarded. "Not too much. That she was injured, that her memory may be affected. Where she is, what happened to the Icarus. She wants to know more, but she's been asleep all morning." He continued, "She asked after the Captain, and when I told her he wasn't here, she asked for you, by name. You must have made an impression on her."

 

"I suppose I was the first one to speak with her, and she remembers that. An accident of chance. Should I tell her any more than you have already?" Delenn looked at him anxiously.

 

"Take it slow, tell her what you're comfortable with, and stop if she becomes agitated. I don't want to lie to the woman, but some of this is going to come as quite a shock," Stephen advised brusquely. "What's in the box?" he asked, changing the subject.

 

"It is a crystal pyramid, for the table next to her bed. It gives off diffused light, green like a living plant. John...Captain Sheridan said it reminded him of the trees your people light for the winter holidays. I thought she might like the remembrance, as it is the time for those celebrations on your homeworld." Delenn bit her lip anxiously. "I believe it is a human custom to bring gifts to those confined to medical facilities, is it not?"

 

Stephen laughed, "That's right. And I'd forgotten what day it is! Not much of a Christmas, is it?" He shook his head. "It's a lovely thought, and I'm sure she'll appreciate it. Wouldn't take much to brighten up these bays. Working here, you get used to the surroundings but they're pretty grim." His comlink sounded, and he glanced down at it, where a bright red light was blinking. "That's a priority call from the mobile hospital unit on Epsilon 3. I'll have to take this; you go on in. Conversation will help integrate her memories and speed up the new neural connections being formed. Let me or the staff know if either of you need anything." Suddenly serious, he set down his chair and leaned forward, saying earnestly, "This is a good thing you're doing, Delenn. I know it must be hard for you, after all that has happened. Especially given who she is."

 

"Compassion is an obligation that honors both the one who offers it and the one who accepts it." Delenn stood and took a careful grip of the box. "I will see if she is awake, and leave this if she is not."

 

Stephen had already begun speaking into the link, and was activating a video link on his comscreen. Delenn backed out of his office, trying not to upset the stacks of files and unknown equipment that lay on a metal cart by the door. Walking back to Anna's bed, she took several deep breaths of calming, wondering what lay ahead, trying not to think of what she might be asked to explain.

 

Anna was propped up on a pillow, her bed tilted slightly. Her eyes lit up when she saw Delenn come into view. "Hey," she said in weak delight. "You came back."

 

"I said that I would," Delenn replied. "I cannot stay long, however." Examining the patient, she said in surprise, "You are looking well!"

 

"Not so bad," replied Anna. Then, her eyes twinkling, she said, "What's in the box? Lunch, I hope. The food here is terrible!"

 

Delenn laughed at this, the sound almost shocking after the last few days. "I did not think of that. Next time I will bring the kind of delicacies humans favor, or whatever you request. No, this is a _halma_ gift, a wish for light in the darkness and the swift return of health." Opening the box, she set up the pyramid, and slid one finger along the control panel. It lit immediately, giving a soft green glow to the room.

 

Anna sighed at the sight, "It's lovely, thank you." She kept her head turned, looking at the glass, green light bathing her face. "Why this, I wonder? Is it a Minbari tradition?"

 

Delenn shook her head. "It is a human tradition, this giving of gifts." Taking a deep breath, she went on, "It is the time of your main winter holiday, Dr. Sheridan. It is Christmas of the year 2260 as humans calculate it."

 

Anna stared at her in shock. "But I left, the Icarus left, in 2257! It can't have been that long..." Her eyes widened. "Dr. Franklin told me the ship exploded. When? What happened after that? Have I been ill, in a coma or something? For three years?" Her hands clutched the blankets as if desperate to hold onto something.

 

"It was believed that you, and all the crew, were killed in the explosion, at Z'ha'dum soon after you reached the planet," Delenn began, wondering again how much to say. She kept an eye on the monitors; there must be alarms that would sound if any of Anna's vital signs went too far out of normal range.

 

Anna turned her head away, closing her eyes briefly before opening them to stare at the ceiling. "I don't remember anything!" Then she began to sit up in agitation, "Oh my God, John must have been frantic! Does he know yet? Does he know I'm alive? Where is he?"

 

Several of the lights on the monitor, which had been glowing a steady yellow began to pulse orange. Delenn's heart raced. How much should she say? And what should she say? "He knows some of it," she began slowly. "That is one reason you are here, on Babylon 5. Captain Sheridan is in command of this station."

 

"John took a desk job?" said Anna in disbelief. "He left the Agamemnon? When did this happen?"

 

"He came here early in 2259," replied Delenn. "I am the Minbari ambassador to this station, and have been since it became operational."

 

"But where is he now?" Anna persisted. "If he runs this place, why isn't he here?"

 

"That," began Delenn slowly, "is a long story, full of history once thought to be dead, recent as well as current events, and ancient prophecies. Not all of this is clear to any one of us."

 

"Give me the highlights then," demanded Anna. "And then set me up with a link to EarthNet. I'll research the rest myself." Her eyes flashed with a keen intelligence, the shock giving way to a determined curiosity.

 

Delenn complied, giving her a brief history of political events on Earth, elections and assassinations, revolts and martial law, and the station's separation from her homeworld's government. At first she avoided naming the Shadows, outlining the current conflict in which they were engage as one with an old and malevolent race familiar to her own people from the distant past. Anna's jaw dropped open more than once, but the monitors remained silent. When she was done, Anna dropped her head back onto the pillow. "That is...amazing. Confusing. Terrible in many ways." Looking over at Delenn, she said, "And you still haven't told me where John is. Is it something to do with this war? Or," and her voice faltered, "Is it something to do with me? Who found me anyway? Who brought me here?"

 

Delenn's throat closed on the thought of where John was at this very moment. Looking down at her hands, clasped tightly together in her lap, she gave a brief shudder and replied. "You came here to find him. From Z'ha'dum, which is the homeworld of our ancient enemy. But it was not you, not then."

 

Anna's eyes narrowed, and she said slowly, emphasizing each word. "Where..is..John?"

 

"He has gone to Z'ha'dum to confront the Shadows directly. He went alone." Delenn's eyes remained focused on her hands. If she met Anna's eyes, the other woman would read the pain in them and her heart would be laid bare. "They sent you here, to bring him back with you. I believe he did not want to risk your life, and so he left you behind."

 

"Risk my life?" replied Anna. "It was a trap, wasn't it?" She said, her voice laced with guilt and misery. "I was the trap."

 

"It is not your fault," Delenn hastened to reassure her. "They changed you, altered your mind. You were not in control of your actions."

 

Anna choked back tears. "Did John know? That it wasn't me?" She grasped Delenn's hands in emphasis. "I would never harm him!"

 

"I know," said Delenn wearily. "And he knew. He knew the risks, and he knew what might happen if he went. But he went in any case."

 

"What do you mean, what might happen?" asked Anna anxiously. It was just beginning to dawn on her the extent of the danger John faced. "What will they do to him?"

 

"I do not know what they want from him," Delenn said softly. "But I do know this. No one returns from Z'ha'dum."

 

Anna looked back at her, fierce and stubborn, her eyes flashing. "I did."

 

  
  



	3. Whole New World

The next day the station was in an uproar. Even Anna, confined to MedLab, felt the tension in the air. The staff spoke in stage whispers, and were busy preparing the patients for possible evacuation, though to where it was obvious they had no idea. Anna understood they were under attack, and she briefly panicked, wondering if these Shadows had come back for her.

 

After a few hours, the anxiety lessened, but it was only replaced by a sort of confused despair. Everyone was very kind, but no one had time to sit with her, and for the first time since Anna had awakened, Delenn did not come by. The hours dragged by, and that evening when Stephen came to check on her, she had progressed from worry through despair all the way to intense boredom.

 

"I don't understand why I can't access the computers," Anna persisted. "Surely you can convince Commander Ivanova I'm no danger to the station. You got all that tech out of me!"

 

"She's a bit hard to convince," admitted Stephen. "But you can't blame her. She's responsible for everyone now, since the Captain left. And after today's attack, there are more important things on her mind."

 

"This isn't like any hospital or doctor's office I've ever been in. Don't you people have any old magazines?" Anna smiled at Stephen, then added with a flutter of fear. "The attack is over, right? I heard them talking..." she gestured towards the staff.

 

"The Shadows broke off the attack, but no one knows why. Or whether they'll be back. I'm not sure if that's good news, or bad news," Stephen answered grimly. "You really shouldn't be worrying about it in any case."

 

Anna leaned her head back against the pillow. "I'm in this up to my neck, Doctor. I need to understand, so that I don't worry. It's what I don't know that brings on the anxiety."

 

Stephen smiled, "I can see that. I'll ask the Commander again. How about Universe Today's Year in Review edition? I think I saw one kicking around the nurse's station in MedLab Two."

 

"How about the last three years in review?" replied Anna half sarcastically and half poignantly.

 

"You got it," said Stephen.

 

*************************

 

Two days later, Delenn came by MedLab early in the morning. Anna had finished breakfast, and was sitting up in bed, surrounded by printouts and photographs, newspapers and a few old-style books.

 

"What is all this?" Delenn inquired. "Are you preparing a manuscript?"

 

"They still won't let me on the net, but they've gotten me hard copies of the news. History would be more like it," Anna smiled at Delenn. "I've missed a lot." Her forehead wrinkled. "There are quite a few conflicting narratives here."

 

"I am not surprised," replied Delenn soberly. "Sometimes I think there are as many versions of the truth as there are people to tell them."

 

"Journalists often have agendas," replied Anna. "But so do we all. I'm used to sorting through evidence and getting an idea of the facts behind the presentation. Something is certainly wrong back on Earth. These attacks on civilian targets..." she shook her head. "I can see where John was coming from, but separation from the Earth Federation. That is such a desperate measure. The retaliation could have been catastrophic."

 

"He had allies," replied Delenn mildly. "He did what he felt was right."

 

"I still can't see him disobeying a direct order to implement martial law. He had no trouble locking out civilians during the food riots on Mars. He was ready to fire on them if ordered to," said Anna thoughtfully.

 

"That does not sound like John," Delenn asserted forcefully, then stopped herself. "I am sure Captain Sheridan did what he had to do in that situation," she added uncomfortably as Anna stared at her. "But I came to tell you something," Delenn went on hurriedly. "We are finally mounting a rescue mission, to Z'ha'dum, to see if we can locate the Captain."

 

Anna's face paled. "Who is going? And why now? Has something happened?"

 

Delenn kept her face as expressionless as she could. "Commander Ivanova will lead the mission. I am providing the transport and will accompany her. Lyta Alexander is also coming; she believes she may be able to contact the Captain telepathically."

 

"Okay," relied Anna slowly. "I guess that makes sense. But why does Lyta think that? John has no psi ability, not the least little bit."

 

"Captain Sheridan had been working with the Vorlon ambassador, and Lyta believes Kosh touched John's mind. She had a connection with Kosh, and somehow...well, I don't actually understand it myself," she confessed. "But it is a chance, and more of one that we have had."

 

"Why now?" asked Anna again. "Why not before?"

 

Delenn had been standing by the side of Anna's bed, but now she wandered over to the glass wall, and placed her forehead against the cool smooth glass. It half-served as a mirror as she leaned against it, but all she could see of her face was the darkness behind her eyes. In a monotone, she recited, "There has been a report of an explosion on the planet. The ship in which Captain Sheridan traveled is believed to have been destroyed. It was a nuclear explosion, one or perhaps two of them. The assault on their homeworld may be the reason why the Shadows broke off the attack here."

 

Anna swallowed the bile that had risen in her throat. "If he wasn't on a ship in orbit, then...he was on the planet? When the explosions took place?"

 

"We do not know any more details," replied Delenn carefully. Turning to face Anna, she added with stoic calm, "We will find out when we get there. I wanted you to know of the mission in any case."

 

"Thank you," replied Anna. "I am grateful, and God knows I hope you find him. But be careful, Delenn. From what you've told me, these Shadows are not the type of enemy to be remain paralyzed for long, even after a major setback." She reached one hand up to her head, unconsciously stroking the close-cropped hair at the surgical site. "I'll see you when you get back," she added.

 

Delenn merely nodded and left the room quickly. Anna whispered after her, "Good luck."

 

*************************

 

Before the White Star left, Stephen had prevailed upon Susan to allow him to release his patient from MedLab, and let her take up residence in the Captain's quarters. Stephen insisted he needed the bed, but then he had also asked that Anna be allowed access to the computer system. Susan had balked at the first, insisting that Lyta first perform the delayed deep scan on Anna that Susan had requested. Stephen refused, citing his patient's health. He wasn't going to risk the fragile integration of Anna's personality this soon after brain surgery. The battle raged briefly, but after Susan had ordered the mother of all firewalls to be set up on the Captain's com-system, she had finally barked her assent. But, "I'm holding you responsible for her, Stephen!" had been her final words. "Do that scan as soon as it's safe!" Stephen had held up both hands in surrender to her orders, although he wondered a bit what he was letting himself in for. He would have to keep a close eye on Anna, and ask Delenn to help when she could.

 

Anna had not been certain about leaving MedLab, but listened carefully to Stephen's voiced reasons, and thought she understood his unspoken reasons as well. If she was going to adjust to the world she found herself in, she needed time, and she also needed to be out interacting with it. A Security officer, a nice man named Allan, had brought her ID card back to her, and explained that it had been set up with an allowance for purchases. The computer had everything else she needed; maps, details about the station, information on the people. It was an impressive place, like a huge city. Not unlike a ship, only larger and with civilians, and Anna thought maybe that was the reason John had pulled the assignment. It explained how he could do it, not that she had any real doubts about his abilities, but not why he was doing it. The news reports said that Clark had picked him personally. The more Anna thought about that, and what she knew of John's disinterest in politics, and what she had told Delenn about his devotion to duty, the more it seemed like Clark had chosen him for those traits. Anna smiled. If the President had imagined he was getting a yes man for the position, he truly did not know her husband.

 

Anna spent a good deal of the first day exploring John's quarters. She recognized many items from their shared past, but there were new things as well. Their wedding picture was tucked away up on a wall shelf. For a while she just sat on the couch and stared at it, wondering what he was doing right now; whether he was even still alive. In the afternoon, she found her way to the Zocalo, and purchased some clothes. Dr. Franklin told her she's arrived with no luggage or personal possessions. Obviously she hadn't been meant to stay long.

 

That evening she ordered dinner in. Cooking had crossed her mind, but John's larder was pretty bare, even for him. Afterward she sat on the sofa, legs curled up beneath her, hugging a pillow to her chest. The tears wouldn't come, no matter how much she longed for release. Maybe that was a good sign. Maybe that meant he was still alive. She fell asleep on the couch, wondering how far Delenn and the others had gotten on their desperate journey.

 

***********************

 

The next day passed in similar low-key fashion. Dr. Franklin contacted her on the com-system and requested she come to MedLab for some more tests. That, and a trip to the market were her only forays outside John's quarters that day. She'd set the computer to search for news items to do with Babylon 5 prior to their separation from Earth, and had retrieved a list of news mentions, documentaries, political commentary, and even some society news. Settling down with a cup of tea, she started to watch. A few hours in, she came on Cynthia Torqueman's piece. In their conversations, Anna had never gotten around to quizzing Delenn on her un-Minbari appearance. The documentary answered some of her questions, but she flinched at the tone of the reporter's probe. Delenn had been her first friend here, and the news report was irritating in its assumptions. She'd never had much to do with the Minbari, but after the war she'd studied their history, at least as much as was available. Their federation was old, much older than Earth's, and some of their non-destructive extractive techniques as applied to her own field were intriguing. As for John, he was a professional soldier and harbored no animus towards the enemy once the war was over. She had followed his lead in that, although after the Lexington incident it had been hard.

 

Eventually she'd worked her way through the official records, and decided to turn off the monitor for a while. There was a series of data crystals, set neatly in rows in a black felt-lined drawer under the main com-unit. She looked through the labels and saw one with her name set out in John's precise hand-writing. Picking it up, she wondered what was on it. Curious, she set it in the reader, and turned the monitor back on. Her own face lit up the screen and began to speak. It was her last transmission to Lizzie, just before she'd shipped out on the Icarus. Why did John have it? Then her heart lurched in sudden realization. Lizzie thought she was dead. She should contact her, right away. After a moment she reconsidered. Who knew what was going on on Proxima right now? Anna tried to recall whether the colony had broken away from Earth; she thought not. It was probably best to wait, though she chafed at the thought. Aside from John, there was no one she'd rather see than Lizzie. Here, in this place, she knew only Dr. Franklin, and Delenn. Sighing, she wished the Minbari woman would get back soon, and against all odds, bring John back with her. It would be good to have someone to talk to.

 

***********************

 

The next few days blurred together. Dr. Franklin contacted her at least once a day to see how she was getting on. She was getting more familiar with the station layout, and made herself go out and explore the facilities every day. It wasn't really like a city, now that she thought about it, more like a frontier outpost. Businesses were rudimentary, geared towards passing travelers and the diplomats and soldiers stationed there. There were lots of restaurants, a plenitude of kiosks selling small portable items and souvenirs, but only a few markets and clothing stores. She'd heard there was a thriving underground but hadn't had time to find it, much less explore it. The central core contained the garden areas, providing foodstuffs and oxygen replenishment, as well as a welcome respite from steel and plascrete.

 

She was sitting in the garden on one of the webbed metal seats, enjoying the splashing sound of a small fountain when Mr. Allan appeared before her, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Mrs. Sheridan?" he said, pausing to loosen the collar of his uniform jacket.

 

"Yes?" she answered brightly. It was quite lovely here, and her mood was more peaceful than it had been since she'd awoken in MedLab. "What can I do for you?"

 

"There's been a message from the White Star," he began awkwardly. "That's the ship Commander Ivanova and the others took out to Z'ha'dum," he added quickly.

 

Anna stiffened. "A message for me?"

 

"Not so much," mumbled Zack. "But I thought you would want to hear. They're on their way back, be another couple of days probably. Although it was sure a quick trip. I figure the Commander souped up the engine before they left." His tone was full of admiration, and the certainty that if it was possible, Ivanova could do it.

 

"Is there any news?" asked Anna, suddenly unable to speak John's name. "Anything at all?"

 

"Nothing good," confessed Zack, bleak despair underlined by the dark circles under his eyes. "They didn't find him," he said gently. "It doesn't look like he made it." As Anna's face crumpled, he added hastily, "That's just my interpretation, though. The Commander and Delenn...they'll know better what chance there is." Running his hand through his thick unruly thatch of hair, he said "I hope I didn't make things worse telling you."

 

"I appreciate your taking the time, Mr. Allan," said Anna, trying to sound sincere, although her voice sounded thick and heavy. It was suddenly hard to breathe.

 

"Yeah well, seemed the right thing to do," replied Zack. His link chirped and he answered, receiving instructions to head back to Security's main HQ. "I have to go now, ma'am," he said. "Let me know if there's anything I can do for you."

 

"Thank you," replied Anna warmly. "I will."

 

After the tall gangly officer had disappeared through the archway, Anna stood up slowly, as if her muscles had stiffened in the last few seconds. She made her way back to John's quarters, fighting the impulse to cry with each step. Once safely back inside, she set the door lock to maximum privacy, and stumbled to the couch, falling down upon it. Finally the tears fell, as she was able to accept and fully mourn her husband's fate.

 


	4. Connection

 

It was New Year's Eve. Anna had bought three bottles of champagne. It had to be cheap champagne, given her dwindling supply of funds. Actually all she had found was a Centauri knock-off of the good stuff. The blockade set up by Earth was very effective, and particularly effective for luxury goods. One bottle each for past, present, and future, she thought...or maybe one for each war that had defined her relationship with John. First had been the Earth-Minbari war, they were engaged before it started, and neither of them knew if they would survive to start their life together. For a moment her thoughts strayed and she wondered what Delenn had been doing during that horrible time. Then the Mars riots; John would laugh at her characterization of them as a war, but she'd always felt that that insurrection was the beginning of the Free Mars movement, and that eventually it would all end in terrible violence. And now the Shadow War; this was being fought with an enemy she barely understood. It seemed a bit over everyone's heads. The people back home didn't seem to even know it was going on, from what little current news came through to the station.

 

Earlier that day Anna had cracked John's privacy locks on his personal log entries. It bothered her at first, but hell, he was gone, and she would grasp at any piece of him she could find, to have and to hold. The fact that he'd lived three years of which she had no recollection, and in which she had played no part, disturbed her at a very deep level. Most of their marriage they had spent physically apart, but there was a deep emotional connection between them, and they always knew where each other was, and what they were up to. No matter, she was going to bond with him all over again, sipping champagne and learning all his secrets. Hysteria gave a sharp edge to her emotions, but there was no one to see and no one to care, not any more.

 

The log entries were double-locked, and it had taken her a couple of hours to crack the code. She had tried every place he'd been stationed, the name of every ship on which he'd served, nicknames and pet names for friends and family. Finally she'd gotten down to pets and tried 'King', the name of his first and best-beloved horse. That hadn't worked, but then she recalled her advice to him to link double passwords by theme, and tried 'Appaloosa'. When it worked, she immediately went to to 'King' for the second level and just like that, she was in. At least he hadn't used Lizzie's cat Obsidian.

 

So that evening she settled down with a tumbler of the bubbly wine and began to reconstruct John's life on Babylon 5. The early entries showed an uncertainty with the position that made her want to comfort him and reassure him that he could do anything. She'd always been certain of that. Lizzie had come to see him; that must have been when she gave him the crystal. The mention of Jack Maynard had brought a smile to her lips; that old reprobate was never anything but trouble. Then suddenly there was an awkward entry, mentioning dinner with Delenn. John was curt in his summation, but she could see he was both pleased and intrigued.

 

Stopping the playback, Anna set back in the padded chair she'd set facing the comscreen on the wall. An uneasy feeling crawled up her spine, and she wondered if this had been such a good idea. Continuing on through the log entries, the feeling grew. Delenn's name occurred more and more frequently, and she could tell John's trust in her was growing. Finally she hit the fatal entry, the one that made her drop her glass to the floor to shatter along with her heart.

 

_'Here I am, in love with one of them.'_ John's words bit deep, and she covered her face with her hands. It explained so much of Delenn's attitude towards her, the concern, the reticence, the awkward moments that stank of guilt in retrospect. Fury rose up in her throat, but died down quickly. John had thought she was dead. So had Delenn. There was no betrayal, no falseness in either of them. It was just a big mess. Then she began to laugh, a laugh that descended quickly into near-hysteria. After all, they were both bereft now, she and Delenn. Maybe she should save a bottle for when her fellow mourner returned. Rising and going to the kitchen to get another tumbler, she filled it to the brim. No, she thought, why bother? She could always get some more.

 

New Year's Day passed in a haze. Anna didn't go out. She didn't even know if they celebrated Earth holidays out here. Three empty bottles stood in a straight, neat line on the kitchen counter. The glass fragments had been swept up and deposited in the trash. It had gone in on top of even more glass. Anna had searched for a bit, and found a broken snow globe tucked behind some canisters of tea in the kitchen. She remembered that globe; a memento of a long ago vacation. It was just like John to clean up the mess and hide the evidence. It made her laugh, for the first time that day. Yawning widely, she headed towards the bedroom. She'd been sleeping on the couch, but that wasn't going to do it today. As she walked, she tried to remember the last time she'd stayed up all night. It was during an expedition to the second moon of Orion, and they had been cataloging artifacts from a dig. The pick up flight was due first thing in the morning and everything had to be listed and packed away. Anna wondered if she'd ever work again, if IPX would hire her back after a three year disappearance. Her future was clouded but she found it hard to care.

 

That evening a brief message appeared on John's monitor. It was addressed to her, came from C&C and merely announced that the expedition had returned, and that it had been unsuccessful.

 

***************************

 

Anna wasn't looking forward to her next meeting with Delenn, now that she knew the nature of the relationship her new friend had formed with her husband. Intellectually she knew it was innocent, that John had moved on only after deep mourning for her. And Delenn, as far as she could tell, had fallen for John as hard as Anna Keller once had. How could she not understand that? But it wasn't Delenn that finally showed up, but Stephen Franklin.

 

"I'm sorry for your loss," said Stephen formally as he took the seat on the couch that Anna indicated.

 

Anna sat across from him in an overstuffed chair. "Thank you," she replied simply. "It's still sinking in. Everything is still sinking in, frankly." She crossed her legs and sighed heavily. "I don't know what I'm going to do now."

 

"Commander Ivanova says you're welcome to stay here as long as you like," began Stephen. "But that's not why I'm here."

 

"No?" replied Anna. "Why are you here?"

 

"Ivanova gave me the access codes for the Captain's files. She wants them downloaded and the computers locked down. She also wanted me to ask you if there was any personal possessions you wanted shipped to the Captain's family. There's likely to be another attack at some point, and if there's anything you want to get off the station, now's the time." Stephen looked uncomfortable at this pragmatic disposal of Sheridan's material goods. "You're his next of kin of course, but his parents or his sister might want some of his effects. It's easier to ship items than people. They may sit in Customs for a while, but there's no hurry in this case."

 

"I'll go through them," replied Anna. "Anything else?"

 

"Actually there is," said Stephen. He looked at her uneasily. "I may be breaking a confidence here, but I'm hoping you can help. There's something the matter with Delenn. Lennier came to me. He was worried. And when I spoke to her, well. She's racked with guilt, and I'm afraid she may even be suicidal." He cocked his head and examined Anna. "Do you understand why?"

 

Anna looked away from his probing gaze. "How did you know?"

 

Now it was Stephen's turn to look guilty. "Ivanova had your computer activity monitored. I was responsible for you while they were gone. I checked once or twice and saw you'd accessed the Captain's personal logs. I figured there'd be something in there about Delenn."

 

"There was," replied Anna briefly.

 

"How do you feel about it?" asked Stephen. "It was sort of an open secret around here, their relationship."

 

"Honestly, I don't know," said Anna. "It was quite a shock, but well, I suppose I can't blame either of them. They both thought I was dead, after all." Her voice was tight and every muscle tensed. Her hands gripped the arms of the chair, fingers sinking deep into the butter-soft fabric.

 

Stephen shook his head. "This is such a mess. And I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I wondered if you had any ideas of how to convince Delenn that this is not what John would have wanted."

 

Anna looked at him, a strange wild expression flitting across her face. "You can't be serious. You're asking me?"

 

"I don't have anyone else to ask," replied Stephen honestly. "She's fasting as the Minbari do when mourning, but with her unique physiology I'm afraid she'll go too far." He sighed, then corrected himself. "I'm afraid she wants to go too far. That she wants to slip away after him."

 

With a deep sigh, Anna looked down and away. She seemed to be considering the possibilities. Finally, she said slowly, "There is one thing. It might work but no promises. I don't know her that well. Can you arrange for her to come here?"

 

"I think so," said Stephen. "You're not going to tell me what you're going to try, are you?"

 

That made Anna smile, a brittle broken shard of a smile. "No, I'm not."

 

***********************

 

Delenn approached John's quarters with no small amount of apprehension. She had not been back there since that disastrous night, the second night of the sleep-watching ritual, the night of Anna's return. Although the door was keyed to open to her fingerprint, she pushed the door chime and waited patiently for Anna to call for the door to open.

 

When the word came, she entered, finding a room clean and neat and bright. Glancing around surreptitiously, she did not see anything out of place. It was familiar, but she did not feel John's presence any more. That was unexpected, and also discomforting. Anna was standing in the kitchen, preparing tea for the two of them. "This is a new variety to me, but I quite like it," she said as she called to Delenn to join her.

 

Delenn approached and inhaled the scent rising from the cups. "It is a Minbari tea. John, Captain Sheridan, was fond of it, and I gifted him with some."

 

Anna closed her eyes for a moment. "I thought as much." She opened her eyes and examined Delenn closely. The other woman had dark shadows under her eyes, and her clothes hung loosely on her. There was a dullness to her hair and a glint of obsession in her eyes. Anna hadn't completely made up her mind as to her course of action, but once she saw Delenn, but she couldn't help but feel sorry for her. It was the right thing to do, to help the Minbari woman overcome her grief. Perhaps it would even help with her own. Swallowing hard, she stood and approached the wall monitor. Sliding her finger across the bottom, she activated it. Picking up a data crystal, she handed it to Delenn. "There is something I think you need to see."

 

Delenn took the crystal, and looked at Anna, curiosity warring with caution. "What is it?"

 

"Just watch it," Anna managed to say without choking on the words. "Please." And she turned away, going back into the kitchen area to allow Delenn the privacy of her reactions.

 

Delenn watched the log entry, emotions swirling in her head. She forgot Anna was there, forgot where she was, forgot, for just one moment, that John was dead. Reaching out one hand, she gently stroked the screen, touching the cool crystal. It didn't warm under her touch, didn't give and respond like living flesh. Trying to fly; it was a lovely metaphor. It was true for her as well. Every time she looked into his eyes, the sensation of falling was so strong. A clink of teacups from the other room roused her from her reverie. "Anna?" she said, suddenly coming back to the present.

 

"I'm here," replied Anna. She came up behind Delenn. "He loved you."

 

"He did," replied Delenn, her eyes still fixed on the screen. "And I loved him. I am sorry if that distresses you."

 

"It's not like I can't understand the attraction," said Anna wryly. "It hurt at first but I've come to accept it. After all, you didn't know."

 

Delenn was silent. She felt her heart healing within her chest, and knew that she could not reward such a gift as Anna had given her with dishonesty. "I did not know, but I suspected. I thought there was a chance that you might be alive," she said, feeling as if cotton filled her mouth. Her throat tightened on the next words, but she forced them out. She made herself look at Anna's shocked face as well, lifting her chin trying to maintain what dignity she could. "We knew...I thought I knew...what had happened to the Icarus. The landing, the choice offered to those who survived the initial encounter...what I could not be certain of was what choice you would make. To serve or to die? I did not know there was any other possibility." She choked on the next part but was determined to make a full confession. "I did not tell John any of this."

 

"Why not?" Anna blazed at her suddenly. She wanted to slap the other woman, and had to wrap her arms tightly around herself to keep from doing so. "How dare you start a relationship with him when there was a chance I might still be alive!" A red haze filled her vision as vague memories of searing pain tore through her brain. "You left me there, and...they did things, put things in my mind," she struggled to find the words her surging emotions were over-writing as she spoke. "John wouldn't have left me there," she finally spat out. "He would have come for me!"

 

Delenn remained still, hands hanging down at her side, but clenched tightly. She nodded slowly, face pale and drawn. "Yes," was all she said.

 

Anna bit back the next accusation as uncompromising reality hit her, cold and wet like an errant wave hitting her face, sucking her breath away. "He would have come for me," she repeated slowly, as the passion drained out of the statement. "You thought he would go, and that he would die there. That's why you didn't tell him." Suddenly she felt terribly tired.

 

"I thought he would have to go at some point." Delenn's voice was bleak and despairing. "But I did not want him to." Her shoulders slumped as if a weight had fallen onto them, and her hands began to shake. "I wanted to go with him."

 

"Oh God, Delenn," said Anna, passing her hand in front of her face, as if to block out what was happening. "We've lost him, haven't we?" Tears began to fall, unheeded, and she reached out to the other woman, pulling her into a loose embrace. "We're never going to see him again, either of us." There was no answer but Delenn's return grip tightened and Anna could feel the tremors that ran through her, through them both. It was strange to find comfort in betrayal, but find it she did. They stood together, rocking slightly, holding on to a budding friendship, born of mutual compassion and of mutual grief.

 

 


	5. Fitting In

 

After that moment in John's quarters under his unseeing gaze, Delenn took a new hold on life. She had a purpose again, and it was the same one she had always had, to defeat the enemy. Taking action was the only option she could see. It might, or might not, work. The honor lay in striving until the end, regardless of what end was achieved. Almost immediately she put her plan in motion. Susan was informed and responded with grim approval. Lennier sent out the call for the Rangers to assemble, and was kept busy coordinating their arrival. The few in the League who supported their mission were gathering and stocking their ships. There was at once a million things to do, and little to do but wait.

 

Delenn kept Anna informed, but there was so much going on she couldn't seem to find the time to go see her friend. In the depths of her nightly meditation, when she stopped moving long enough to be honest with herself, Delenn acknowledged that Anna was a painful reminder of what had been lost and what had been done. One evening, as Delenn sat surrounded by star-maps and ship rosters, her door chimed. "Come," she called out without looking up. Lennier was undoubtedly bringing report of yet more arrivals. The response had been gratifying, and tomorrow she would announce her plan to the Anla'Shok. The speech was prepared, but she wanted to think about the phrasing a little more. Considering what she was asking of them, the least she could do was set out the reasons in convincing, if not entirely inspiring, language.

 

"Hello, Delenn," came Anna's voice. She entered the room carrying a small bag, imprinted with the logo of one of the gift shops on the low end side of the Zocalo. Delenn rose from the couch and approached her, uncertain of what level of greeting to extend. Anna solved the problem by reaching out and giving her a light hug, then handing her the bag. Delenn looked at the rose-and-gold striped bag, with its gold corded handle and froth of tissue paper, then up at Anna.

 

"It's a _halma_ gift. For you." Anna smiled. "I thought you might need some light in the darkness." She gestured at the gift. "Go ahead! Open it. Though there's no need to wish you good health," she added as Delenn set down the bag on the high table by the kitchen area and lifted out something heavy from the paper. Anna went on, "You look much better than the last time I saw you."

 

"Thank you," answered Delenn as she peeled away the sheer wrapping. "This was not necessary, but I appreciate..." The paper uncurled to reveal a round glass globe in which a tiny version of the station was suspended. It was filled with a clear liquid and bright silver stars swirled around the toy replica. There was a matching silver ring on which it could be set to remain stationary. Delenn stared at it in shock, wondering why Anna had chosen such a thing. Her hand opened and the glass fell into Anna's outstretched hand. She felt the color drain from her face.

 

"Whew, that was close!" Anna said. Then, she asked in surprise, "What's the matter? Here," she said, pulling out a chair that was tucked under the table. "Sit down. Tell me what's wrong."

 

"John had one of these. With a tall house inside, and white flakes that resembled snow." Delenn spoke through numbed lips.

 

"I know!" Anna replied, with a laugh. "I found the glass in the waste container, and the broken ornament tucked away in the kitchen! He used to do that, you know. If he broke something I liked, sometimes he would hide it and try to replace it before I noticed it was gone." She pulled out a second chair and sat down beside Delenn. "It's just a toy; it's okay if you don't like it."

 

Delenn found her voice and said, "It was I that broke the globe in John's quarters." Stuttering slightly, she continued, "It was the night that you returned...but you do not remember that night."

 

Anna shook her head, her red hair flashing in the subdued lighting. "Not a thing." Suddenly she put two and two together, and said slowly, "You were there then, when I arrived?"

 

"I was there," replied Delenn, with a hint of stiffness. "I was with John. It was a ritual. It doesn't matter now."

 

"What kind of ritual?" Anna probed.

 

Delenn remained silent. She had discovered that Anna liked things out in the open, which went against her own inclinations towards reticence.

 

"Look," Anna added kindly. "I think of you as a friend, my first friend in this place. It's obviously awkward, our situation. But I'd like to think we can talk about it, and work through it." Abruptly she paused, then went on carefully, "Unless you'd rather not. I can leave," and she began to rise from her chair.

 

Delenn laid a hand on her arm, silently urging her to stay. "You are my friend," Delenn replied, "Unexpected as it is. But we share memories and grief; we shared hope for a while. I will explain." Taking the globe from Anna, she turned it around and around, watching the stars shift and fall, then set it back onto its stand. "There is a ritual among my people, to be performed three times, when two people become close. John and I had done it once already, the second time was that night you came back. The female watches, and the male sleeps. It is said that our true face emerges in sleep, that one can see through the presented image to another's soul. In any case, I was awake, and John was asleep, when you came to the door. I happened to be examining the globe at the time, and it fell to the floor, breaking upon impact."

 

"Good God," said Anna. "That must have been awful for you." Her eyes clouded over, "And for John too." Shaking her head, she said, "It wasn't me. I keep telling myself that. It helps that I don't remember anything." Trying to school her pained expression, she added, "I hope I..she...wasn't too cruel to you. To either of you."

 

"There was every reason to be judgmental," replied Delenn. "I was not entitled to be there. It was a mistake; the ritual was a false one."

 

"No way!" declared Anna. "It may sound weird, but I know my husband, and he loved you. He doesn't fall in love easily, and he had my death and your different cultures to overcome. If it had gotten that far, it was real. Listen to me," she urged, as she took hold of Delenn's hand. "I can tell you're a good person. I understand why you did what you did. If you want forgiveness or absolution or whatever, you can have it as far as I'm concerned." She watched as the color returned to Delenn's cheeks, then laughed slightly. "And that is one interesting ritual. Maybe I should switch my focus to sociology! I'll specialize in Minbari culture."

 

Delenn smiled at that. "I would be happy to sponsor your studies at one of our Academies." The smile faded. "Assuming they are still there, after all this is over."

 

"I will take you up on that," replied Anna, giving her hand one last squeeze. Settling back into the chair, she said, "In some cultures that ritual would be viewed as a test of the level of trust between two people. You are at your most vulnerable when you're asleep. If you trust someone enough to sleep in front of them, well...that says something. Odd that it doesn't go both ways though. The female should show trust as well, and sleep in front of the male."

 

Delenn looked nonplussed. "I had not thought of it in that way. Maybe you should take up these cultural studies. It is good to see things from a different perspective." Then she sat up straighter. "Would you care for some tea? I have more work to do, but I could use some respite. Between the war plans and preparing the presentation for the Rangers, I have been quite occupied."

 

"I'd love some," replied Anna. "And I'd like to hear your speech. Maybe it would help to say it out loud, with a sympathetic audience." She smiled warmly. "I've heard so much about the Rangers. It's hard to conceive of a group holding together for a thousand years. Impressive."

 

"They are a dedicated group of men and women, human and Minbari both. I am very proud of each and every one of them." Delenn's eyes glowed. "I will make the tea, then subject you to my wholly inadequate words."

 

************************

 

Anna had listened and approved of the speech. She even watched as Delenn outlined the plan of attack, a strategy the Minbari woman confessed she had worked out earlier with John. "We always suspected we would have to go to Z'ha'dum," she said sadly. "I never thought I would be leading the fleet on my own."

 

They had moved to the living area, where the maps and charts were laid out on the low table in front of the couch. Anna leaned forward, resting her chin in both hands. "I wish I could go with you. Or help in some way."

 

"You are helping," said Delenn. "You have done so much, everything. I would not be doing this if not for you." She blinked rapidly as Anna yawned. "But now we are both tired, and we have done enough." Looking consideringly at Anna, she said, "Would you care to be present tomorrow? At the gathering of the Rangers?"

 

"Love to," replied Anna, her teeth clicking together as she stifled another yawn. Looking at the door, she said hesitantly. "Look, would you mind if I stayed here tonight? This couch is looking pretty good right now." She tucked a loose strand of hair behind one ear. "It's just, well, I don't think I can face going back there tonight, to John's quarters. Sometimes the place feels haunted."

 

"Of course," replied Delenn, sympathetic to the thought. She had felt it herself. Starting to say something about the resonance of departed souls, another thought struck her and she smiled. "I would offer you the bedroom, but I have seen the human reaction to a Minbari bed." Her cheeks began to burn as she realized the possible implications of her words.

 

Anna raised one eyebrow, and glanced beyond Delenn to the open door. The tilted bed looked hard and unwelcoming, one small triangular pillow neatly centered near the top. She shook off the mental picture of John's being the human in question and said mildly, "I see what you mean." Patting the couch, she quickly added, "This is fine," with a warm smile to accompany the brief response.

 

"I will get some linens and a blanket then." Delenn rose and went to the bedroom, returning with an armful of silk and soft cotton. Her face had returned to its normal color, but her eyes were soft with memories.

 

Anna stood and took them from her. "Thank you," was all she said,

 

Delenn laid one hand on her heart, then dropped it suddenly. "Good night," she said, and retreated to her bedroom, pulling the sliding glass doors shut behind her. She had a sudden wish to ask Anna if she could watch her sleep. The thought was disturbing; was she anxious to know if Anna trusted her? And conversely, why was she so willing to trust Anna?

 

**************************

 

Anna enjoyed the pageantry and enthusiasm of the Ranger gathering. The unspoken idea that this was a one-way mission didn't escape her, but desperation was in the air. At least this was a way to go down fighting. It had touched her to hear Delenn repeat John's words about trying to fly. It was like he was still there, directing them. Actually--and this was something she didn't like to dwell on too much—John Sheridan was still directing them all, with his words and with his example. Once the fleet left the station, Anna would be even more alone than she was now. The future seemed very uncertain. But if the expedition didn't come back, if this didn't have the effect they hoped for, then there wasn't much future left. It all seemed terribly urgent, like they were approaching a tipping point in the history of the universe.

 

From the back of the room, Anna could watch Delenn and Lennier in the front, as well as get a good look at the Rangers in the audience. Lennier was an interesting character. Anna hadn't interacted with him much at all. She got the impression he didn't approve of her. Maybe he didn't like her, or perhaps he didn't trust her. Maybe it was just that he didn't like anyone by the name of Sheridan. Anna could see the light in the Minbari's eyes whenever Delenn was around, and the shadows edge out that light whenever John's name came up. Delenn never seemed to notice, but maybe that was just Minbari reserve, or politeness or whatever.

 

The Rangers were a fascinating group. Who would have thought ten years or so ago that humans and Minbari would be working so closely together? One thing Anna noted and approved of was the lack of distinction between the two groups. They seemed truly integrated. The station itself was a marvel of diversity, dozens of races from hundreds of planets all interacting and with minimal disruption. More and more, she began to see the attraction of working in such an environment. John had been more of a pragmatist than an idealist, but this place would have appealed to him.

 

Once the speech was over, the Rangers began to talk quietly among themselves. Some of them left, presumably to inform those left behind on the ships what was planned. Others came one by one, or in small groups, to speak with Delenn. It was obvious they held her in high respect. Delenn had the same sort of charisma that John had; it was useful in any leadership position. Anna had never really aspired to that; she had her work, which she enjoyed and believed to be valuable. It was up to others to set up expeditions, arrange funding, deal with staffing issues. She had to drum up grant money at times, but that was more a case of dealing with individuals, not groups of people. Anna decided to slip out of the room, and send along a message to Delenn later. If truth be told, she envied the Rangers both their dedication and their mission.

 

************************

 

After Susan and Marcus left on yet another search for First Ones, Delenn found herself turning to Anna as a sounding board. Lennier was supportive as ever, but blindly so, and he remained suspicious of the human woman. Anna was as thoroughly in favor of the fleet and its mission as Lennier, but she challenged Delenn's motivations and goals. Anna wanted it to be a fight, with every chance of success they could squeeze out, not merely a glorious martyrdom. Delenn found Anna's objectivity and distance from the last three years' events both restful and illuminating. It gave her an idea of how the actions they were taking looked from the outside. At times, it almost gave her hope that the mission could succeed.

 

*************************

 

They had taken to meeting in Delenn's quarters mid-morning for tea and strategy. Lennier was usually leaving at that time with his instructions for the day. Everything was coming to a head, and the atmosphere was tense.

 

"I am going to ask Lyta to speak with Kosh and find out if the Vorlons are going to be involved in this war at all," said Delenn.

 

The Minbari woman was dressed formally, in red and purple, and Anna thought she looked almost regal. Or would have if she hadn't been sucking on a finger reddened by the heat rising from the steaming kettle. "From what you've said, it looks like they've got their own ideas of how to proceed. I don't think you can count on them at all, except as a wild card, and a potentially dangerous one at that." Anna sipped at her own tea. The Minbari blend was astringent and cleansing but she missed the caffeine.

 

"I suppose not," replied Delenn. Her brow wrinkled in distress. "I do not think Lyta is happy in her service to the Vorlon. I wonder why she stays."

 

"Loyalty?" mused Anna. "Fear? They sound pretty intimidating." She added quietly, "Maybe she has nowhere else to go."

 

Delenn looked surprised, then sympathetic. "Lyta has been more intimately connected with the Vorlons than anyone other than myself. They have altered her to enable her to do their work. I hope it was not accomplished by coercion." She shook her head, "Your people deal with telepaths so strangely, viewing them as internal enemies rather than part of your own race. I will never understand it."

 

"I have been altered too," replied Anna. "And I'm not sure I fit in anywhere anymore."

 

Delenn reached across the table and tapped Anna on the back of the hand. "You are still yourself, what the Shadows did to you is simply part of who you are now. And you do belong somewhere. You belong here."

 

Anna took her hand in gratitude, wondering how much she'd belong on this station with both John and Delenn gone. She wished she had been able to contact Lizzie. Communications were down at the moment, only high priority military messages were being transmitted. Though Anna had no idea how she was going to tell Lizzie that her friend was alive but her brother was dead. "I just wish there was something I could do," Anna added in frustration.

 

"Your talents lie elsewhere, in devotion to science, and to uncovering the mysteries of beings long gone from the Universe. It is an honorable calling, but one that is best practiced in times of peace, rather than in times of war. Sometimes I wish I had stayed a scholar, spending my time teasing out the long-dead words of the ancients from dusty scrolls in the Great Library. But I was called to other service, and sent to serve the Council at an early age." Delenn had a faraway look on her face.

 

Anna shook her head in disbelief, laughing, and Delenn stared at her. Anna declared,"I cannot picture you holed up in a reading room somewhere! If anyone was ever a people person, it's you!"

 

"A people person? What a curious phrase. Is it not redundant?" Delenn asked curiously. Anna kept surprising her; her fascinating take on things was very human.

 

"It's a person who likes, understands, and can relate to all sorts of people. John was one too, for all that he could spend hours happily alone." Anna cocked her head. "I think you're more diplomatic though. John was never one for mincing words."

 

Now Delenn laughed at the mental picture of herself slicing and re-slicing words into tiny pieces. "Maybe he was simply more honest." A slight frown crossed her face. "Minbari may never lie, but we have our ways of dealing with that in the diplomatic profession."

 

"I imagine you do," replied Anna, distracted by an idea forming in the back of her head. "I've got something I've got to do," she said, "And I know you're busy. See you tomorrow?"

 

Delenn inclined her head, and picked up her teacup. "Till then," she answered, as Anna swallowed her tea and rose to leave.

 

It didn't take Anna long to locate Lyta's quarters. Pressing her thumb against the door chime, she waited anxiously, wondering if the telepath was there. Finally, a weary voice granted her admission, and she entered.

 

The room was bare of decoration or ornament, a mattress lay on the floor. There was no sign of anyone actually living there; no sign except the tall redhead in black, who sat cross-legged on the floor. Anna glanced around for a chair, but saw none. Straightening her back, she walked over and sat down on the floor next to Lyta.

 

"I need your help with something," Anna said bluntly.

 

Lyta raised one eyebrow. "Aren't you going to comment on the decor?"

 

Anna shook her head, "None of my business. Maybe you're a minimalist, I don't know." She looked closely at Lyta, and said with concern, "Are you all right? You look awful."

 

"Thanks," Lyta replied wryly. "Did you stop by just to tell me that?"

 

"I'm sorry," Anna said quickly. "It's just that I don't want to add to any stress you're under, and it looks like you're under quite a bit."

 

"We all are," Lyta prevaricated. "What can I do for you?"

 

"I want to know if there's any information hidden in my mind, leftover from the Shadow personality, that could help Delenn," Anna said firmly. "I understand there may be some risk involved, but everyone's doing something, and I want to help."

 

Lyta looked at Anna, an assessing look, as if weighing her determination. "I oversaw the mind-wipe procedure, doing before and after scans. Wipe is a misnomer, as Dr. Franklin told you; it's more of a blocking procedure. Still, that's what they're called. In any case, with most wipes the base memories remain, but the patterns of access that determine personality are disrupted." She continued conversationally, "There are various levels, you know. Most are level one, used therapeutically to lighten memories that are causing distress. For instance post-traumatic stress syndrome can be treated this way. Level two is the one commonly used for criminals, the ones sentenced to death of personality. Some old memories remain accessible, but they are overlaid with new patterns, usually a simple and strong action plan, strict do's and don'ts. The old patterns seldom break through. It's a combination of wipe and conditioning against violence."

 

Anna nodded. "I know a little about this. What kind of wipe did I have?"

 

"You had a level three, the most invasive and the most permanent. They're really rare. I've never seen one before. There was nothing left. It was like fog, deep grey and clinging." Lyta shuddered. "I was really scared Stephen wouldn't be able to put you back like you were before. The Shadows had left most of your memories intact and untouched, in order for their implanted personality to access them. The older, more deeply engraved ones, the ones essential to what made you, you--they were there. A path was left open to them, and they were easy to distinguish from the implanted personality. Easy to upload." She smiled at Anna, "Obviously it worked. There's nothing left of what they did."

 

"Are you sure?" Anna asked with disappointment.

 

Lyta hesitated, then said thoughtfully, "I suppose it's possible they put something deeper, below your own memories. That would require a deep scan to detect. And if there are blocks hiding something, it would be very painful to break through them. There would be no guarantee that what was there would be militarily useful." Forestalling Anna's eager acceptance of the risk, Lyta added a final caution, "If I set something free, there's no guarantee it won't disrupt what Dr. Franklin uploaded, and we'll lose you again. Perhaps for good this time."

 

Anna swallowed hard. What had seemed like a long shot at being useful in the upcoming battle now seemed like something she had to do for herself. "I don't want to walk around like a ticking time bomb, Lyta. Why in the world didn't you tell Dr. Franklin this before? I probably never should have been left out of MedLab!"

 

Lyta shook her head. "Dr. Franklin is well aware of the possibilities. You weren't stable enough at first then, well I guess it didn't seem necessary. Or maybe he forgot..."

 

Anna looked at her suspiciously, and Lyta laughed. "All right, that's not terribly likely! But it would take a level twelve human telepath to dig anything out. Presumably the Shadows could do it, if there's anything there at all. But it can't be done long distance. And if the Shadows get close enough to activate some deep-seated command, we're in trouble anyway."

 

"I thought they had been on the station before," said Anna. "Morden, the one from my ship. He was here."

 

"That's right," said Lyta. Her face turned grim. "And they came here to kill Ambassador Kosh." Her typical pallor grew even more pronounced. "If they come back again, it will be openly, as conquerors."

 

Anna said harshly, "Even more reason to find out all we can, and help support Delenn's fleet. That fleet may be all that stands between us and destruction."

 

Lyta sighed. "If I were you, I'd stay out of it."

 

That made Anna give the telepath a crooked smile. "Like you have? You were the impetus for the rescue mission to Z'ha'dum. You went into my mind, at some personal risk...you couldn't know what they might have left in there to trip up any telepaths who wandered by. Delenn's told me about your part in finding out the Shadow's ships are sensitive to telepathic jamming." Lyta lowered her head and stared at the floor. Anna pressed her point. "You're not in the command staff, not a Ranger, not part of EarthForce, not even part of PsiCorps! If you can contribute, so can I."

 

This time Lyta blushed. "I was only trying to help."

 

"So am I," replied Anna. "These things killed John. They did their best to kill me. From what Delenn has told me, they're doing their best to kill everything. Seems worth taking a little risk."

 

"All right," said Lyta. "I'll try. What is it you expect to find?"

 

"Well, I suppose I really hope you find nothing, that all traces of them are gone. But if there are any memories of my time on Z'ha'dum we should look at them. Maybe they talked about their plans, or maybe I saw some of their defenses, who knows?" Anna placed her hands on both knees. "When do you want to do this?"

 

"No time like the present," replied Lyta. "Lie down on the bed."

 

"Why?" asked Anna, even as she got up and walked over to the mattress, lowering herself to the surface, sinking slightly into the foam. She laid back, and turned her head to look at Lyta. The telepath sat next to the mattress, facing Anna so she could look directly into her eyes.

 

"So you won't fall over and hurt yourself if you faint from the pain," said Lyta in a matter of fact tone. "This won't be like the last time. There's no communication in a deep scan. I just push past any blocks, natural or placed, all the way in. I've been told it feels like a dentist drill breaking through your skull, hitting all your nerve endings at one time."

 

_Lyta tried to start gently, pushing through the first layer, which were thin and soft like lace or mesh and parted like spider webs before her questing hands. The next layer was pulsing with electric current, and felt like barbed wire cutting slicing her skin as she went through it. Telepaths seldom admitted to normals that some scans were as painful to perform as they were to receive. Gritting her teeth she went deeper, sinking past scars and channels and surging seas of fluid emotion. The final barrier was a jet black wall, and for a moment she hesitated, afraid that the darkness would start to move like the skin of a Shadow ship. But it remained still and reaching out a hand, she pushed through the wall, revealing..._

 

"There's nothing there." Lyta spoke aloud. Her eyes were bruised, and her voice rough. Anna was quiet, but her breathing was loud and labored. Lyta stood, her legs trembling beneath her, and went towards the empty kitchen to find a glass and fill it with water. She drank eagerly, slopping a little of the liquid on the floor. Refilling the glass, she went back to where Anna was now moaning softly, and knelt beside the bed. Setting the glass on the floor, she raised Anna up, and watched the other woman's eyes flutter open. Picking up the glass, she offered it to Anna. Anna placed both hands flat on the mattress, pushing herself upright, then she reached out and took the glass from Lyta. Her hands were shaking so badly that it took both to hold the glass steady enough for her to drink.

 

Just then the door chimed and Lyta answered "Open" without thinking, her attention focused on her guest. Delenn came in, and stopped short.

 

"Lyta?" Delenn questioned. "What is going on?" Then, to Anna, "Are you all right?"

 

Anna nodded, continuing to drain the glass until it was empty. Handing it back to Lyta, she answered Delenn directly. "I'm fine. Lyta was helping me with something."

 

"With what?" Delenn demanded. Turning her attention to the telepath, she waited, the force of her emotions barely held in check.

 

"It was a deep scan. Like the one Dr. Franklin wanted me to do eventually," confessed Lyta. "I thought she was ready."

 

"How did you know that she was ready?" Delenn was imperious. "How could you possibly know?"

 

"I wanted her to do it, Delenn," Anna said from the bed. She's managed to swing her legs over the side. "Lyta, I can't thank you enough. Did you find anything?"she added anxiously.

 

"I don't know if this is good news or bad news..." Lyta answered, "But there's nothing there." With a wry smile, she added, "Not even a shadow of a Shadow." Anna hung her head, and Lyta went on gently, "You will never remember your time on Z'ha'dum, I'm afraid. It's gone for good."

 

"What did you want to remember?" asked Delenn. A stab of fear went through her. "And why?"

 

"I thought I might be able to help," Anna said with a shrug. "if I had any memories of the planet's defenses or the beings there, cities, fortifications. You know, anything useful."

 

Delenn shook her head and smiled. "Humans constantly amaze me. Your people never give up."

 

Anna arched an eyebrow. "Seems to me you're about to attack Z'ha'dum. Not giving up must be in the air around here."

 

"I suppose you are right," said Delenn, starting to laugh, then sobering quickly as she recalled what had brought her to the telepath's quarters. "Lyta, I came to ask a favor."

 

Lyta listened to Delenn, and after silencing some severe qualms, agreed to confront the Vorlon about his people's future plans. Anna got carefully to her feet, and Delenn put one arm around her, helping her from the room.

 

  
  
  
  



	6. Everything Changes

 

Delenn insisted on taking Anna straight to MedLab. Stephen Franklin took charge of the human woman immediately, alternately scolding her and examining her eyes and ears for outward signs of trauma. He took her into an inner room to perform yet another brain scan. Anna mouthed the words 'save me' but Delenn merely shook her head, and headed for the exit. She wished she could stay, for moral support if nothing else, but she had many things to do.

 

It had been a foolhardy attempt, with little chance of success, and Delenn wondered at the impulse that had led Anna to risk her recovery in such an impulsive manner. Lyta should not have agreed either. She frowned as she walked back to her quarters, wondering what Lyta would find out and what it might cost the telepath to try. The Vorlons were playing a deep game, and it distressed her to think they might be working at cross-purposes to her own plans. But after that confrontation in the gardens, she could no longer trust them.

 

When she got back, she hadn't even started on the stack of work awaiting her when the Brakiri ambassador arrived. He described a situation she had not anticipated. A cold anger sluiced through her; the same people who had refused to help John were trying to stop the launch of the fleet. They were entitled to their opinions, just as she was entitled to her opinion that they were fools, fools and cowards. Punching a button on her com system, she put in an urgent call to Lennier. She needed help monitoring these particular fools.

********************** 

Later that day, Anna dropped by to further explain her actions. She was chatting easily with Delenn when Lennier checked in, announcing that the meeting in the Zocalo was on.

 

Anna immediately saw the tension rise in Delenn's face. "What's up?" she asked. Upon hearing the brief explanation in short, bitten-off words, Anna took only a moment to react. "Bastards." Taking Delenn's hand in hers, she gripped it tightly. "I'm going with you. This is my fight too."

 

"I do not know if that is wise," said Delenn. "I do not believe there will be violence, but it is a crowd, and anytime there is a group, individual reactions are unpredictable. Emotions are running high."

 

"All the more reason you shouldn't go alone," argued Anna.

 

"Lennier will be with me," replied Delenn with utter confidence.

 

Anna thought to herself that Lennier probably loved how much Delenn relied on him, and that it was unfortunate for the both of them. "I'm still going. It's a free country, um, station," she ended somewhat lamely. "I want to hear what they have to say. I may have something to say myself." Her expression turned grim.

 

"Very well," replied Delenn. "We had best leave now, they may start at any moment."

 

The open concourse was filled with shoppers and casual onlookers when Delenn and Anna arrived. Lennier was waiting for them and accompanied them to the center of the crowd. Two of the League ambassadors walked out onto the catwalk that hung over the area and began to whip up the crowd.

 

After letting them have their say, Delenn broke in, "They will come anyway!" Her voice rang out over the ominous rumble of the assembled mix of humans and aliens.

 

Anna saw the crowd was on a knife edge. Considering the amount of stress the civilians here had been under, it wasn't surprising that they were willing to listen to the seductive strains of surrender. Doing nothing was so much easier than fighting back, especially when the odds were so stacked against them. They weren't military; they hadn't signed up for this. Neither had she, for that matter.

 

"No one returns from Z'ha'dum! Ships go there and never return. You are reacting out of grief, and loss. If Sheridan is dead, why not the rest of us..." Anna could almost feel the crack of the words as they whipped by her, lashing out at the woman beside her. Impulsively, she took the Minbari woman's hand, squeezing it in support.

 

Delenn defied them, retorting with fierce reproof, "And you are reacting out of fear!"

 

"She must be silenced!" The Drazi pointed at others of his race planted in the crowd. Anna saw Lennier assume a fighting stance, along with some other Minbari who had somehow appeared out of nowhere to encircle Delenn.

 

Taking a deep breath, Anna called out loudly, "I went to Z'ha'dum! And I returned!" But no one was listening. Anna glanced over at Delenn, checking to see she was safe. Delenn, and Lennier as always at her side, had an identical look of shocked surprise on their faces. But Delenn's expression was softer and held the glimmer of a wild hope. Time slowed as Anna turned, almost fearing what she would see. She did not hear the Ambassador's stumbling apologies as the roar subsided to white noise and silence filled her ears. All she could hear was the stuttering beat of her heart as it started up again. She hadn't even been aware it had stopped. All her eyes could see was the tall figure striding across the catwalk, taking possession of the crowd, the station, and her heart.

 

It was John. He'd come back from the dead--back from Z'ha'dum, the home of all the nightmares she could never remember.

 

************************

 

Delenn looked blindly towards Lennier, her mouth moved but no words were forthcoming. Anna was standing slightly in front of her, staring open-mouthed as John made his pitch for continuing the fight. Delenn did not hesitate; she started towards the stairs, Anna's hand in hers, pulling the other woman along in her wake. Delenn knew if she didn't do this quickly, she would not be able to do it at all.

 

Climbing the stairs, she could hear the ring of her shoes on the metal treads, like the tolling of the Temple bells calling her inside for prayers. She recited a calming ritual but it had no effect; it didn't help her catch her breath or make the knowledge of what she had to do hurt less. Reaching the top of the stairs, she heard the crowd roaring approval and knew John had achieved what she could not; the alliance between races that had become her life goal. They were going to fight together, and perhaps there was even a chance that they would win. That victory, however, was like ashes in her mouth. Even as her heart sang the chorus song of re-birth, she tamped it down, closing off both triumph and relief.

 

John turned towards her, and Delenn couldn't help it, she reached out for him. Anna stood one rung below, her face obscured by shadow. Delenn held out only one hand, then reluctantly let it drop to her side. John started towards her, then caught sight of Anna, whose hand was clenched on the stair railing, skin taut across white knuckles.

 

"Get away from her!" John roared, and he reached out, pulling Delenn close against his side, sheltering her under one arm. He looked at Anna with loathing and made an abrupt gesture as if trying to ward off something evil.

 

Anna felt the blood drain from her face, but she stood her ground, waiting for a chance to explain. The crowd was still clapping and cheering, but silence was spreading out from their little tableau like an expanding stain.

 

Delenn shook free of John's embrace and went to Anna, holding out both hands to her. Pulling Anna forward, Delenn walked the few steps back towards John, who was staring at them both in disbelief. "She is no longer an agent of the Shadows," Delenn said to John, head tilted up to look him directly into his eyes. "Dr. Franklin, with the assistance of Lyta Alexander, has restored your wife to herself." Then she dropped Anna's hand, and stepped back into the darkness that lined the edge of the catwalk away from the room below. It had hurt more than she had expected, and she needed time to examine her conscience and her place in the new order of things.

 

John looked around blindly, but finally his gaze settled on Anna and he said, "Is it really you?"

 

Anna nodded, her eyes filled with sudden tears. "They fixed me," she said. "The doctor, and Lyta, and Delenn..."

 

John shook his head, as if trying to rearrange his thoughts and feelings properly. "But this isn't right," he managed to get out. A lost look crossed his face. "Delenn?" he said, looking about urgently, "Where did you go?"

 

"I am here," Delenn said, emerging from the shadows exuding a calm she didn't really feel. Her voice broke slightly as she admitted, "I thought I would never see you again."

 

With one step, John was there, and took her in his arms, overcoming her reluctance. He pressed his face against hers, and whispered in her ear. "I'll never leave you."

 

"But you must," replied Delenn firmly, although in her weakness she remained locked in his embrace. "You have a wife. She is here, and she loves you, and needs you."

 

"But I love you," replied John, wishing everyone else would just go away so he could think this through.

 

Delenn smiled, and fought back her own temptations. "And I love you. But so does Anna." And once again she stepped away from him.

 

John turned to Anna, his voice like broken glass. "I don't know what to say."

 

"It's all right," Anna forced out. Then, stifling a sigh, she added, "Actually it's all wrong. But I know how you feel. Well, not really," she concluded with honest bewilderment. "John, I don't know what we're going to do." She reached out and touched his arm. "But you're not the man I left behind when I shipped out on the Icarus. I'm pretty much the same as when I left," she said, "I've lost three years, while you lived through them. You changed--you moved on." Looking over at Delenn, she smiled. "You fell in love with someone else, and I don't blame you for that."

 

He patted her hand, and said, "We'll think of something." But his eyes never left Delenn.

 

Anna reached out and pulled Delenn into a quick embrace. "It'll work out. And really, right now? You two have a war to fight, and to win. There'll be time to deal with this later."

 

Delenn hugged her close, looking over her shoulder at John, making him a promise with her eyes. "Yes we will." But John was staring beyond her. Turning her head, she saw a tall alien, observing them all with an air of calm detachment. Looking back at John, she thought she saw a fleeting shadow of guilt cross his face. "Who is this, John?" she asked.

 

"His name is Lorien," answered John. "He's here to help."

 

Anna laughed with only a touch of bitterness. "We could certainly use some." Then cocking her head at John, she asked, "Aren't there some people you need to see?"

 

John nodded firmly, as if coming to a decision. "You're right. Come on. We've got a lot to talk about, and a lot to do." As they walked down the hall, John kept his arm around Delenn, but Delenn's free hand remained tucked into Anna's. Lorien followed close behind. His expression was blandly curious, but his eyes were slitted in concern as he watched the three of them walk away.

 


	7. Three's a Crowd

 

The bedside light began issuing a soft glow indicating that it was morning. Shipboard or station, people living in artificial environments always established a cycle wherein the day began with light. Anna heard soft scuffling coming from the living area. John must already be up.He had insisted she remain in his quarters and that she take the bedroom while he slept on the couch. And that's where he slept, that is when he didn't just bunk down in his office. Anna sighed; she'd offered to stay in guest quarters, but had been firmly, even curtly, rebuffed. She hadn't actually been alone with her husband except for a few minutes in the mornings. He worked late into the night, arriving home after she had put out the light. Sometimes she wondered if he monitored the lights, timing his arrival so he didn't have to interact with her. As for the mornings; he was often gone by the time she awoke, the only evidence of his presence a used glass in the sink.

 

Hastening into her robe, she paused at the door, taking a deep breath and opening them wide. "Good morning," she said, heading towards the kitchen. John gave her a gruff 'hello' and a brief pained smile before returning his attention to the tablet he was holding. Glancing over his shoulder as she walked past, Anna could see lists scrolling by; ships and personnel and supplies, all the accouterments of war. She poured herself a glass of orange juice and took a hesitant sip. Leaning forward on her elbows she looked at her husband while gripping the glass. Beads of condensation rolled down its cool surface, and she thought she could see sweat beading on John's forehead as well. This was hard on him, she knew that. It was hard on her too. 

 

She set down her own glass and poured a second, crossing the room and setting it before him on the low wide table in front of the couch. That comfortable piece of furniture was littered with papers and data crystal holders, schematics of various ship types, and a digital clipboard with an agenda that crowded one meeting after another into the mere 24 hours allotted to the day.

 

"You want some breakfast?" she finally asked the silence that emanated from her husband of ten years. 

 

"Had it already," came the brusque reply from John, softened by the added, "But thank you."

 

Anna went back to the kitchen and fetched her own glass, returning to the couch and sitting down beside him. "Don't tell me you've been out to work already. Or is it that you never came home in the first place?" Looking closely at his lean hard face, the close-cropped hair just beginning to soften with length, she thought she looked at a stranger.

 

John looked back, his eyes wary. "I try to walk around the station some every day, looking around, talking to people. People still don't believe I'm back, that I'm real. It's good for morale to fly the flag a little."

 

Anna smiled. "I know how that feels...the unreal part." She leaned towards him, placing one hand lightly on his knee. "Sometimes, in my worst nightmares, I can almost remember what they did. What it felt like. And then I panic, wondering if I'm actually still there, trapped in one of those ships. If this is the dream..." She shuddered, and gripped his knee without thinking, seeking both comfort and connection.

 

John hesitated, then laid his large hand over hers, covering it completely but stopping short of taking hold of it. He finally patted her hand awkwardly, before removing his own. "I know," he said quietly.

 

She shifted slightly closer, reluctant to leave the momentary warmth that had flickered between them. "So what happened on your walk today?" she said, keeping her tone light.

 

John shook his head. "There's more than a little panic out there. The situation is becoming critical...between the refugees arriving and the inhabitants fleeing, it's crowded and tense in the public areas. A woman almost got trampled today."

 

"What happened?" asked Anna in concern.

 

"She's okay," replied John. He shifted uneasily. "The people out there, on the station...they're all relying on me." His voice was strained as he said, still looking straight ahead. "I didn't ask for this, for any of this."

 

Anna thought rebelliously for one short moment, _neither did I_. But it wasn't the fate of one anonymous woman in a crowd bothering John. It was the weight of all those anonymous people looking to him for assistance, and for answers. Putting aside personal issues, she reassured him. "You may not have asked, but you answered the call when it came." Moving her hand to his shoulder, she added, "It's what you do." She wished she could risk an embrace, but there was so much standing between them.

 

The door chimed, and Ivanova's voice came through the door-com requesting entrance. John called out "Open" and the door slid up and over to reveal the Commander, crisply standing at attention, every movement tightly controlled. Anna thought even Ivanova's hair, pulled back in a tight ponytail, was restricted to on-duty mode. "You wanted to go over the current state of station supplies, Captain?" Turning her attention to Anna, Susan nodded in greeting, briefly acknowledging her presence, "Mrs. Sheridan."

 

"I'll just go in and get dressed," Anna said. "Only be a minute" she declared as she pulled the doors shut behind her. Throwing on grey slacks and a soft pine-green sweater, she tugged on her shoes, balancing on one foot as a time, as she walked past Ivanova, who was watching her closely with a guarded expression. "I have an appointment with Dr. Franklin this morning," she explained. "Good-bye, John," she said, but their moment of connection had passed, and he was back in the new world he'd made here; one in which she had no part.

 

***********************

 

Anna knew the way to MedLab pretty well by now, and she reached the open doorway some fifteen minutes before her appointment. Dr. Franklin was examining a compact, muscular man seated on a table. He had thinning hair above a set of piercing blue eyes, light eyes with a darkness behind them that was almost palpable. Anna felt suddenly sick, like the floor was crawling beneath her. It reminded her of the first time she'd gone up in space, the lurching sensation of leaving gravity and the world behind. Unsteady, she put one hand up against the cool glass wall separating her from Stephen and his patient. The man's eyes fixed on her, studying her as if memorizing her features for future reference, pinning her down like an unknown species of insect. The snap of Stephen's glove brought her back to herself.

 

The man was joking with Stephen now, as he got up and pulled on a loose silk shirt patterned with neutral squares of beige and grey. He left the surgery lost in thought, passing Anna without a word. She shook her head and entered the examination room. Stephen finished tapping out his notes on the tablet he held, and smiled at her. "How are you feeling today?" he asked.

 

Anna shrugged. "The headaches are almost gone, appetite's good, aside from some god awful dreams I sleep well...how much detail do you want?" She jumped up on the examination table, then tilted her head towards the door. "Who was that? The man who just left?"

 

"That's our Chief of Security, Michael Garibaldi," replied Stephen. "And a personal friend. He's had it rough the last few weeks. Disappeared during the battle, went through something traumatic that he can't even remember, and was almost killed by raiders before we got him back."

 

Anna looked thoughtful. "I had the oddest feeling looking at him," she began. Stephen regarded her curiously, but she plowed on. "Was it a head injury? Is that why he can't remember?"

 

"There's no physical evidence of trauma," Stephen admitted. "He just can't remember." He was running a data recorder over her body, pausing only to touch the screen and examine the output closely.

 

"Has Lyta had a look at him?" asked Anna, remembering her own examinations at the hands, or mind, of the telepath.

 

Stephen's face closed down. "Mental exams are entirely voluntary unless ordered by the court."

 

Anna shrugged, "Those are the rules. But they are often honored in the breach." Keeping her voice steady with effort, she said. "As you well know." When Stephen started to protest, she raised one hand to forestall his explanations. "I understand why you did what you did. I agree with it, and you obtained as much consent as you could. But honestly, everyone knows some private companies require psi screens either at the point of hiring, or periodically during the contract term. And the military has dabbled, as I'm sure you're aware."

 

"I am. Though I don't agree with the emergency protocols as it happens. And since we are technically no longer part of EarthForce, I don't have to implement them." Stephen punched at the tablet, closing her file and leaving the screen blank. "I don't see any reason for you to keep checking in with me at this point." He smiled at her, "Clean bill of health." He cocked his head at her glum expression. "What, do you want a certificate?"

 

"Maybe," she said. Raising one hand and rubbing the back of her neck, she sighed. "I don't know what I'm going to do next. There's so much going on, and I'm catching up, but I don't know where I fit any more."

 

Stephen shook his head. "There's a lot of that going around. No one knows what's going to happen at this point. All we can do is what we can do."

 

"Easy for you to say," retorted Anna. "No one even knows I'm alive. I'm shocked my identicard still worked!"

 

"EarthGov bureaucracy. You have to love it." Stephen considered the problem. "I guess you can't just call up your old employer and say 'Hey I'm back, put me to work.'"

 

"Not now," said Anna heavily. "Maybe not ever. Besides, this station is off limits to Earth corporations. I still have some contacts in EarthGov, but I don't think a post there is likely either."

 

"No," admitted Stephen. "You should talk to Garibaldi. He can find out what's going on with your identicard and your records, maybe even get some news about people you knew."

 

"Okay," said Anna doubtfully. "It's a start, in any case." She slid off the table, and walked towards the entrance to the medical facility. In the open doorway she almost collided with her husband, who was entering with the impatient stride of a man with too many things to do. "Hello," she said, startled by his presence.

 

"Uh, hello," came his less-than-enthusiastic response. John looked at Stephen and asked abruptly, "Do you have the results of the scans?" Stephen nodded and started to speak, when John cut him off. "Let's discuss this privately, shall we?"

 

Stephen gestured towards an inner room, and when John headed that way without another word, Stephen shrugged at Anna with a smile, saying "Excuse us," and followed John.

 

Anna stood in the doorway, considering John's demeanor and his question. Whose scans did he want to see? Mr. Garibaldi's? Hers? He'd seen all those already, except for today's. For a moment she wondered whether Dr. Franklin was keeping something from her. He wasn't, she decided. The good doctor was not a man made for conspiracy. No, there was something going on with John himself, and it was something he didn't want anyone else to know. After a pang of regret for the past, when John had confided everything in her, Anna left MedLab determined to do something, anything, to jump-start her new life. She had to have a life of her own before she could even begin to return to sharing a life with her husband.

 

*************************

 

For all her new-found resolution, Anna found it hard to know where to start. She tried to track down Mr. Garibaldi, to discuss the issue of her identicard with him, but the infuriating man was always one step ahead of her. She finally resorted to leaving a message in his quarters, requesting a meeting the following day, at his convenience.

 

She didn't want to go back to her...John's...their...quarters, so she ended up in what passed for a library on the station. Since there were comstations in everyone's quarters and also in most open areas, she didn't need the reading room for access, but rather for the quiet company of other searchers which let her sink more easily into research mode. She started with the main journals in her field, beginning with the last articles she remembered reading and steadily progressing through updates and new data and analyses. After several hours, she leaned back in the not-very-comfortable chair and rubbed her eyes.

 

There were lots of fascinating advances, but nothing ground-breaking. There had been hints of some interesting activity on Mars, again, starting a couple of years before she'd shipped out on the Icarus. She hadn't been part of IPX at that time, but she had heard rumors. But then there were always rumors of something being found on Mars. Anna had often put it down to the Martian's feelings of inferiority; they had relatively little anthropological history. As a colony world, they were always looking to distinguish themselves from Earth, like unruly adolescents seeking to break away from their parents. On behalf of the scientific arm of the Earth Alliance, Anna had traveled extensively, and explored ancient civilizations dead long before Earth had cooled. She could look at time with a geological eye at this point. For a moment she regretted how little she remembered of her time among the Shadows on Z'ha'dum. Only for a moment, then she shuddered violently. The back of her neck went chill and a burning focused on the base of her spine, radiated upwards till heat met cold in a burst of pain. She didn't want to remember, not really. Still, she mused, what a research paper she could have written.

 

Looking about the room, she noted with surprise the presence of a cowled monk at one of the other monitors. While she watched, two more monks entered the room. One was an older man, with a bald crown, twinkling eyes wreathed in wrinkles, and a rounded grey-and-white beard. The monk who accompanied him took the seated monk's place. After a brief conference, the two now standing prepared to leave the room, when the older monk caught sight of Anna. He gestured the other man to go ahead, and placing his hands within the wide sleeves of his habit, approached Anna.

 

"Dr. Sheridan, isn't it?" he asked, inclining his head in greeting. "I am Brother Theo. Might I have a word with you?" He glanced around the room at the silent readers. "In private, if you like. The chapel is just around the corner, and generally empty this time of day. More's the pity," he remarked to himself.

 

Anna was nonplussed, but then, she needed a break, so why not? "All right," she said. After entering in the command to save the open files under her password for later retrieval back in her quarters, she picked up the tablet on which she'd been downloading abstracts and making notes, and stood. "Let's go..." tilting her head in question, she added, "Is it Father? Or Brother?"

 

"Theo is fine," he replied. "We don't stand on formality too much out here." He indicated the path ahead with a broad sweep of his arm, and she walked ahead of him as far as the doorway. Once outside the reading room, Theo turned left, and led the way down the corridor. It was only a few doors down that he stopped and waved his hand in front of the keypad. "It's always left open, but you still have to make the gesture. I suppose it's recording somewhere who entered and when. It probably makes Mr. Garibaldi happy. But God's house is never kept locked."

 

Once inside, Anna had to let her eyes adjust to the dim lighting. There were electric candles at the front of the room, set in tiers of glass holders on both sides of a low table, with a white silk runner across it, and hanging down both sides. A simple wooden cross hung on the wall behind the table. There were a few chairs along the walls, but the main seating took the form of dull blue steel benches forming two sets of four rows each. Theo guided her to a set of chairs near the front, along the wall but tucked away in the bulge of a slight alcove. "Have a seat," he said. "I can have tea or water brought in, if you like."

 

"No, I'm fine," replied Anna, sitting down on the folding chair which boasted a thin amount of padding. "Can you tell me why you wanted to speak with me?" she finally asked.

 

The monk was silent for a moment. He looked at her intently. "I rather thought you might need someone to talk to." He gave a dry laugh. "Part of the job description, you know."

 

Anna smiled. The monk's friendly curiosity seemed untinged by any doubt as to her motives or identity. It was refreshing. "It's all too Enoch Arden, isn't it?" she said ruefully. "And with all that's going on, it's not the right time to stop and figure things out."

 

The monk smiled gently back at her. "It's exactly the right time, because it has happened. You returned now for a reason, although I do not know that reason. I do know that the Captain and Delenn have built something here, something that's never been seen before. They will need to work together in the upcoming struggle."

 

"I know that," Anna snapped. "But however inconvenient it is, I'm here, and I'm still John's wife."

 

"And what God has joined together?" quoted Theo gently. "I understand. And sympathize, with the situation you find yourself in. I trust the three of you will find a solution that brings you peace. "

 

"But that doesn't help now, not with the war, does it?" Anna leaned forward, pressing the palms of her hands against her forehead. "John married me after the Earth-Minbari war, did you know that? We used to joke about all the weddings after the war ended. Everyone on Earth thought the human race was done for; and afterward there was this rush to affirm life."

 

"Yes," replied Theo. "There were a number of new entries into our order at that time. We like to think of our vocation as life-affirming as well."

 

Anna looked up and nodded, long-ago memories lighting her face with a smile. That smile faded as she examined the monk's kind face. "Still leaves us with quite a problem. Will they be able to do their jobs, to work together, with me in the picture?"

 

"Oh, yes," replied Theo. "They are driven individuals, and committed to this cause. Their relationship grew slowly, paralleling the growth of mutual trust and understanding between them. I believe they were both taken by surprise by their feelings for one another. But regardless of what happens to that emotional bond, the trust and understanding remain, and will support them through this trial." He cocked his head and examined her closely. "I don't have any answers, I merely wished to offer my support to you...to all of you."

 

Anna sat silent for a moment, almost undone by the monk's kindness. "Thank you," she said, barely managing to force out the words. "I, I have to go now," she added abruptly, standing up so quickly she almost overturned the chair. Flustered, she righted the chair and added in confusion, "Good-bye, Father, Brother....I mean, Theo. It was nice to meet you."

 

"God go with you," said Theo. He remained seated, watching her rapid, clumsy retreat.

 

Anna didn't slow down until she was three or four corridor turns away from the chapel and reading room. She'd entered an area beyond the public ones just off the Zocalo, and it took her a moment to get her bearings. Retracing her steps, she found a turbo-lift that would take her back to the staff quarters. It was growing late, around dinner time, but she wasn't hungry. John would almost certainly still be working. That was for the best, as far as she was concerned. She needed to spend some time thinking about what the monk had said, and what was best for John and Delenn, and for herself, as well as all the people who were relying on the leaders of the Army of Light.

 

***********************

 

Anna was still lost in thought when she entered her quarters, and almost didn't see John settled on the couch. He was in civvies for once, slacks and a v-neck sweater that clung to his broad shoulders. She immediately turned off the carnal thoughts that flooded her mind.

 

"Hello," he said, voice even and cool. "How was your day?"

 

"All right," she replied, walking over to the kitchen. There was a bottle of red wine in a holder on the counter. She gestured towards it. "Do you mind?"

 

John shook his head. "No, go ahead." When she took down two glasses, he added, "None for me, thanks."

 

Anna looked at him in surprise. "You're off duty, right? Why not share a glass with me?" She slapped down every memory of relaxing evenings and red wine and what they often led to. She had located the opener and deftly pulled the synthetic cork from the top of the bottle. Laying it aside, she poured herself an inch or so of the ruby liquid. After a moment, she added another couple of inches. _What the hell._

 

"I met someone today." Swirling the wine in her glass, she inhaled the aroma of fruit and sunshine. "Friend of yours, I think."

 

"Oh yes?" replied John absently. His eyes were focused on the silenced monitor hanging on the wall, half-watching the crawl of ever-bad news scrolling across the bottom of the screen.

 

"Theo, his name was," she went on doggedly trying to get him to engage in conversation. "I liked him."

 

John almost smiled. "Mean chess player."

 

"I don't doubt it," replied Anna, taking a sip. "This is good stuff." When she received no response, she carefully set down her glass and took a deep breath. _Time to beard the lion._ Prior to this nightmare, she would have laughed at the idea that she would ever be this nervous, or have this much trouble, starting a conversation with John. He was so easy to talk to; that was one of the things that had attracted her to him. He listened to people. He liked people. "John," she began, but just then the door chimed.

 

"I'll get it," said John, hurrying towards the opening. He hit the control pad with undue force, and the door snicked open to reveal Delenn, her face white with some sublimated tension. Anna winced at the expression on John's face. He looked like a man dying of thirst who had just spied a faraway oasis.

 

Delenn smiled tautly at John and then nodded to Anna with a slightly more genuine smile. Anna returned the welcome and picked up her glass again. "Can I get you something?" she asked, then wondered if she should even be acting as hostess. _Hell, there wasn't an etiquette book in forty worlds that covered this situation._ Anna rebelliously took a deep gulp of her wine.

 

Delenn shook her head, then turned her attention back to John. "I would like to speak with you, Captain," she began formally. John's face was briefly pained, then turned stony, and Anna wanted to shake him. Delenn turned to her, "I wish to speak with you as well." Anna had been wondering whether to retire to the bedroom or leave entirely; Delenn's inclusion left her speechless and motionless.

 

Delenn took a deep breath. Just as she began to speak, Ivanova appeared on the muted monitor behind John's head, and he held up one hand and commanded the comstation to "Increase volume." Together, they all three listened to the litany of worlds destroyed and peoples scattered and killed. Anna felt sick. This had to stop, had to be stopped. And the two people with the best chance of that were standing in front of her, not talking to each other.

 

John was staring at Ivanova. "She's afraid. I've known Ivanova for ten years, and I've never known her afraid before." He looked back and forth from Ivanova's tense face to Delenn's, as if comparing the emotions written on them. Gently, he spoke directly to Delenn. "I haven't seen you except in conference and the War Room, not since I got back."

 

Delenn stood with her back to the door, as if she were being held at bay. Anna thought if the other woman was any more tense she would snap. She noted with professional eyes that Delenn held her hands at her side, palm open in the traditional Minbari gesture of supplication and appeal.

 

"I came to apologize. To you, Anna, because I chose to believe that you were either dead or suborned by the arguments of the Shadows. I should have told John that you might be alive. I should have known from John's description of you that you would never submit." She pursed her lips together tightly, and swallowed what seemed like a bitter draught. "And John," her voice lingered ever so slightly on the name, "I should have trusted you with the information to make your own choice regarding your...wife."

 

"You did what you thought was right," John's voice was hoarse with emotion, and a muscle jumped in his cheek. He made an abortive motion towards Delenn, but stopped when she stepped back, away from him. His hands were at his sides as well, but clenched into fists, knuckles showing white bone through the skin.

 

Anna sighed, wondering how in the world to diffuse the tension. "We already discussed this, Delenn, before John returned," she said, carefully feeling out the words that would reassure and calm. "I forgave you then, if there was ever anything to forgive. John is right, you did what you thought you had to."

 

"That is no excuse," replied Delenn stiffly. Directing her next words to John, she said softly, "I thought I had lost you, when you went away. But I lost you before that, when I denied you a choice." She turned her face away, as if in shame. "They say that Minbari never lie, except to save another. I hid the truth from you. To save you? Perhaps. But at what price? Many lives will be lost in this conflict, but no more at my hands, not like this. If we are to continue as comrades in the battle, let there be only truth between us."

 

John moved quickly towards Delenn, taking hold of her arms just above the elbows. Anna thought he meant to shake her, rattle some admission out of her. But he just stared at her, for a long moment, then rasped out, "Here is the truth for you then. I love you. I will always love you, and I forgive you, and I understand what you did. We will fight this war with truth, but it won't be a clean war. No war ever is. And afterward, if we survive?" He firmly moved her away from the door. "If we survive," he repeated again, "everything can go to Hell." Heading for the door, calling out 'Open' loudly, he stopped and looked back at Anna. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. It's not that I don't love you too. I just don't have time to figure it all out." Then he was gone.

 

Delenn and Anna both stood looking after him in silence.

 

*************************

 

The next morning Anna slept in. She turned off the alarm and put a pillow over her head when she heard John's movements. After Delenn's apology the previous evening she didn't want to talk to John or Delenn or anyone. Sleep was preferable to another day of waiting for something to happen.

 

She woke just after 1100, checked for a non-existent message from Security, and then decided to go out to lunch. Lunch was another way to waste some time, and besides, she'd slept through breakfast. John had loaded up her identicard with credits. When Anna had protested, he had pointed out that he had inherited their savings, as well as the cash from a substantial life insurance policy taken out by her employer. The ensuing discussion over whether that money should be returned had briefly resurrected her memory of a shared life. It was painful...painful and frustrating. She was caught in between her old life and a new one that wouldn't take shape. It couldn't, not with things the way they were. So the way things were had to change, she reminded herself.

 

After lunch, Anna checked the location of the main Security office on the nearest com. Someone there could direct her to Mr. Garibaldi. As she approached the door, a tall man in a green uniform and brown vest collided with her.

 

"Sorry, Miz Sheridan," he said, grasping her elbows and making sure she had regained her balance.

 

Anna recognized him from the garden. He had been kind, and called..."Mr. Allan, isn't it? I was looking for Mr. Garibaldi. Do you know where I can find him?"

 

Zack jerked his head back towards the door of Security. "He's in there. But not for long. One of our guys ended up in MedLab after the dust up with the Vorlon ambassador and the Chief'll be heading back over there to check on him." He ducked his head awkwardly. "I have to go myself. I want to check on Lyta Alexander."

 

"Lyta!" exclaimed Anna. "Was she involved? She works for the Ambassador, doesn't she?" Then, with growing alarm, "Is she all right?"

 

"She's okay," replied Zack with a half smile. "Lyta's tougher than she looks."

 

Anna nodded, and touched Zack's arm. "Tell her I said hello, all right? And that I'll check on her later."

 

Zack mumbled assent and reached over to thumb open the door for Anna. "I'll tell her," he said. "You take care," he called after Anna as she entered the room.

 

It was dimly lit, full of monitors showing major areas of interest. Mr. Garibaldi sat behind a half-circle of desk, facing partly away from Anna, towards the monitors. The screens ratcheted through various scenes, like a moving montage of station life. The flickering light played across the stoic, almost sullen features of the Security chief. Anna shivered. There was something odd about the way his eyes flitted from one screen to another. They were pale blue ice, the puffy lids above and shadows beneath indicating a persistent lack of sleep. Yet the gleam of obvious intelligence showed he didn't miss a thing.

 

"Mrs. Sheridan," he said without looking away from the screens. "What can I do for you?"

 

Something in Anna rebelled at his tone of subtle insolence. "It's Dr. Sheridan actually," she said stiffly. Then, realizing she was the one in need of a favor, she pointed at the chair in front of the console and asked politely. "May I sit?"

 

"Of course," he replied, then swiveled to face her directly. "What can I do for you, Doctor?"

 

Anna hesitated, she couldn't place the feeling of eerie familiarity that crept up the back of her neck. After an awkward pause, the words rushed out. "Dr. Franklin thought you might be able to help me..."

 

"Help you how?" Garibaldi's words shot back at her.

 

"It's this," she pulled her identicard out of her front jacket pocket. "Why wasn't this decommissioned when I was declared dead? Why does it still work?"

 

Garibaldi reached over to take the card from her hand, turning it over and over in close examination. "Good question," he said. "Looks like standard issue." Turning to the comscreen set in the console he tapped a few points on the screen, the slid the card in a slot on the side. "Perfectly normal. All the data is clear, up until a few years ago, then there's...nothing, just a gap. Then it shows your arrival on the station." He hit a few more buttons on the screen and a folder popped up with her name and face in the upper right hand corner.

 

Anna stared at the small screen. "That's my IPX personnel file!"

 

The man almost cracked an ironic smile. "Is it?" Flipping the pages of the file onscreen with a finger, he scanned it quickly. "Nothing after your appointment to the Icarus team. Just...blank." His face looked haunted, shadows gathering on the side away from the bright screens. Turning to look at her directly, he said, "Part of the job, Doctor. I'm responsible for the security of everyone on this station, including the officers. It pays to know their backgrounds." He observed her carefully. "You know there's a precedent for this issue with your card."

 

"Mr. Morden," replied Anna grimly. "I heard he made it back too."

 

Garibaldi returned to his screen. "I'll just check the other people listed on the manifest of the Icarus." After a few more moments, his eyebrows slid up to what used to be his hairline. "All the others are listed as deceased, and their cards have been inactivated." Turning his piercing gaze back at her, he stated the obvious. "It's just you and Morden then. And the one thing you have in common is the Shadows."

 

"They must have arranged this," said Anna, turning white. "Do they have agents on Earth?"

 

"Possible," replied Garibaldi. "Or they're really good at hacking into our computers." Taking one last look at her card, he handed it back. "I checked it out, there are no tracers on it. Of course if they're inside the system, they can follow you any time you use it. But you might as well use it." Turning back to his screens, he added, as in in afterthought. "After all, they already know you're here."

 

Anna thanked him and fled as quickly as she could. Outside in the corridor, she paused and rubbed the back of her neck. Mr. Garibaldi, chief of station Security, gave her the creeps.

 

************************

 

"Lyta?" Anna had asked the com to connect her with the telepath's quarters. The monitor showed a barren room, devoid of furniture or furnishings, and Lyta sitting cross-legged on a bare mattress. Her eyes were bruised; large, dark pupils almost filling the iris. She looked exhausted.

 

"Are you all right?" continued Anna, wondering if she should go over there. "Are you hurt?"

 

"I'm fine," responded Lyta with a small smile. "It was quite a show though, while it lasted. How's Captain Sheridan? When he went down..."

 

Anna's face froze. "Went down?" she said faintly. "John was hurt?"

 

"No, no," replied Lyta quickly. "At least, I don't think so. He walked out under his own power. He was with Delenn and Lorien."

 

"What happened exactly?" Anna asked urgently. Lyta looked away from her, down towards her hands which lay open on her knees in a parody of Delenn's appeal for forgiveness.

 

"We killed him. The Vorlon is dead. And what was left of Kosh is...gone." Desolation had carved deep furrows along her mouth.

 

Anna almost reached through the screen. "I'm so sorry." Shaking her head, she tried to think through the wave of helplessness that rushed through her. "Can I do anything? Help in any way?"

 

"Thank you," Lyta said, warmth returning to her voice. "No, I just need some time to think about what's happened, and what I'm going to do next."

 

Anna smiled in commiseration. "Okay. Let me know if you need anything, all right?"

 

Lyta returned a wavery smile, and nodded. "Thanks." Then she cut the connection.

 

Anna sat back in the stool by the kitchen bar. She'd almost fallen forward, as she'd leaned towards the screen in her sympathy with the distraught telepath. Before she had a chance to process what Lyta had said, the door chimed as it opened to admit John, walking, albeit a little unsteadily, along with the tall alien he had named Lorien.

 

She ran to him. "John! What happened? I spoke to Lyta and..."

 

John interrupted her. "Everything's fine, Anna." He looked from her to Lorien, then at the door. Fixing his gaze on Anna, he said, "I need you to leave now."

 

She was getting used to the feeling of shock and disorientation where John was concerned. "What? Why?" was all she managed to say, wondering whether hurt or rage sounded louder in her voice.

 

John sighed, and rubbed his forehead. "I'm sorry, Anna. You didn't deserve that. You haven't deserved any of this." The door chimed, and opened to reveal Delenn standing in the doorway. Anna thought she looked even more fearful than she had the previous night. What on Earth had happened out there? She looked back at John.

 

All she got in answer was a gentle request edged with pain. 

 

"Anna. Please."

 

She couldn't do anything against the force of this appeal. She left, holding her dignity close like a shield around her. She heard Delenn begin to protest, but let the door close on the words.

 

************************

 

Anna wandered the Zocalo for a while, letting her anger and fear wind down. She would give John and Delenn time to deal with whatever personal matter they were discussing--with Lorien of all people. And it was personal, dammit, not professional. She was sure of that. Anna found she could hardly breathe, it hurt so much that John was sharing whatever it was with Delenn, and not with her.

 

Earlier in the week she had spotted a vendor selling some interesting artifacts, but they seemed to have closed up or moved. Walking on, she mused on what was happening; the strain on Delenn's face had been obvious, as had John's. Had John's injuries been worse than Lyta had thought? Pausing to look mindlessly at a display of what passed for fashion these days, she saw her pale face reflected in the thick glass. Her identity had been stripped from her. Wife, worker, scientist, friend; what was left anymore? Resuming her drifting through the crowds, she figured she should wait about an hour before returning to her quarters. And they would be gone; both of them, and the enigmatic alien, all three caught up in meetings and work and war preparations; nothing that involved her. She missed her discussions of the war effort with Delenn, listening and commenting on the strategies and plans. It seemed a million years ago.

 

************************

 

Delenn was wandering the Zocalo when Anna spotted her. Taking a moment to observe her friend, Anna was shocked at the change that had come over her. When she saw Delenn stumble blindly up against a cart, Anna walked quickly over and took her by the arm.

 

"Hey," Anna said, quickly steering Delenn towards a table standing outside a nearby cafe. Waving away the waiter, she turned her chair to shield Delenn from the bystanders wandering by, allowing the Minbari to regain her composure. "Sit down for a minute," she said. "Are you all right?" Seeing the shuttered look that fell over the other woman's face, she swiftly added, "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Just relax."

 

Anna turned and gestured the hovering waiter closer. "Tea," she said firmly. Then she added, "I don't care what kind. Bring two cups, and something to eat, something sweet." As the man retreated, she addressed Delenn. "Sugar's good for shock, and it certainly looks as if you've had one."

 

"I am fine," said Delenn faintly. The waiter returned with a tall pot of steaming tea, two cups, and a platter of small pastries which he arranged on the table, beating a retreat under Anna's sternly dismissive gaze.

 

"You will be fine, you mean." Anna poured them both a cup of tea, and pushed the platter towards Delenn. "Eat something."

 

Delenn took a sip of the tea, cradling the cup in her hands. The color returned to her cheeks, and a faint smile brought the light back to her eyes. "This is very kind of you."

 

"It's what friends do," said Anna firmly. She watched carefully as Delenn regained her usual aura of calm. "You're not going to tell me what happened, are you?"

 

"I cannot," replied Delenn. "It is not my secret to tell." A look of deep sadness crossed her face. "If I were free to speak, be assured that you are the first person I would confide in." Delenn carefully set down the teacup, her hands shaking slightly. She laid them flat on the table, as if willing them to be still.

 

Anna impulsively reached out and took Delenn's hands in her own. The tight grip she received in return almost made her gasp with pain.

 

"You are my friend, and I wish..." tears glistened in Delenn's eyes momentarily then disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. "I wish things were different." Releasing Anna's hands after a moment, Delenn rose from the table. "Thank you for the tea," she said, and left the restaurant, her back straight and her gait steady.

 

"I wish things were different too," Anna murmured.

 


	8. The Mission

A few days later Susan Ivanova appeared at the door of Anna and John's quarters. Anna opened the door and barely managed to get out the words, "John's not here..." when Susan interrupted bluntly.

 

"I'm leaving on a mission with Lorien. He's requested you come along with us." Ivanova was standing stiffly upright, the only evidence of her tension a slight tapping of one foot on the hard steel of the floor, only lightly covered with carpet. 

 

Anna gaped at her. "What on earth for?" she managed to get out.

 

"I have no idea," snapped Susan waspishly. "It's a fool's errand in any case."

 

"Then why are you going?" Anna asked in surprise. "The military response must be imminent. I mean, I don't know anything specific about your plans, but..."

 

Susan went still, an ominous stillness. "Captain's orders. He thinks it's important that I take Lorien on this excursion. Lorien thinks you need to come for some reason. I can't order you to come. But I can ask." She cocked her head to one side. "So, will you?"

 

Anna couldn't think. She waved one hand helplessly in the air, then covered her eyes, caught between shock and amusement. Striving for some more time to consider Ivanova's suggestion, she asked, "Does John know Lorien wants me to tag along?"

 

Susan's eyes narrowed. "I don't know. They're never far apart, those two. I assume this was a joint decision."

 

Anna shook her head. "Well, I want to hear it from John. And maybe Lorien too. It's time those two started talking about their plans. Especially if they're including me in them."

 

Susan nodded crisply. "We leave tomorrow. The shuttle to the White Star departs at 0700. See you then." At the door she added without turning around, "Or not." 

 

Anna called John in C&C, leaving a message that she needed to talk with him before she left the station. That should make him take notice, especially if was unaware of Lorien's request. It did, because barely twenty minutes had passed before the com alerted her to an incoming call.

 

"Anna, what's this all about?" John was speaking simultaneously to her and signing a tablet held under his nose by a young ensign with a large Adam's apple and a nervous disposition. 

 

Anna waited patiently until he was done, and the ensign had moved out of hearing range. "Ivanova brought me a message from Lorien. Apparently he's in dire need of a xeno-anthropologist on this quest of his."

 

John's mouth twitched, almost as if he was about to laugh. "Honestly, I didn't know about this. But I trust Lorien's instincts, and his motivations. Go ahead if you like. I'm sure he has a reason for wanting you along." His eyes clouded. "Be careful. I don't think you'll be in any danger, but these are dangerous times." 

 

Anna felt tears sting her eyes. "Nowhere near as dangerous as every damn thing you've been doing the last year. John, I know this is difficult for you. You've moved on, and I just woke up. For me it's still four years ago and I was just telling Lizzie about my new mission, and having to cancel on our meeting on Centauri Prime." She smiled sadly. "I wish I'd never gone on the _Icarus_. I wish I'd never left you."

 

John made an abortive moment, as if to touch the screen, to touch her face. "I've wished that too. Many times." He was silent for a little while, absently waving off an approaching crewman. "Are you going to go then?"

 

"Yes," Anna lifted her chin. "I want to be of some use in this war. Everyone else is doing their bit; time I did something. Maybe Lorien has something in mind."

 

"All right," John replied. He hesitated, then looked directly into her eyes. "One thing I regretted after we spoke, that last time...I never said..." Straightening his back and squaring his shoulders, he said, "I love you, Anna. I always will. It's just, well..."

 

"It's just that things have changed." Anna smiled. "I love you, too. And I'll see you when I get back."

 

************************

 

On board the White Star, Anna felt like a scientist again. The ship itself was fascinating, a mix of Minbari and Vorlon technology like she'd never seen before. The Minbari crew didn't mind answering her questions, the few that spoke English in any case, and the rest helped her with her burgeoning Adronato. Commander Ivanova left her strictly alone, and Lorien watched her every move from behind slightly glowing eyes.

 

Anna had quickly found out the mission, to find the 'First Ones', beings older than any race previously discovered. That provided her with hours of study, as she went over the record of each encounter; those from the present mission and previous ones where these mysterious beings had been located. She hadn't yet been 'summoned' by Lorien, and it was beginning to annoy her. Finally, she decided to beard the alien in his den. He'd taken up residence in the small viewing area off the bridge, spending hours looking out at the stars. Anna walked by the crew members, all busy at their work. Ivanova was not in the command chair, somewhat to Anna's relief. 

 

The alien sat on a cushioned bench in front of the dark sky. His arm was stretched along the back of the bench, the long fingers tapping out a gentle rhythm. He didn't look up at her approach, merely saying in his soft voice that always ended in an upward lilt, "Dr. Sheridan. Did you wish to speak with me?"

 

"I think it's the other way round," said Anna. She took a seat next to Lorien, and said firmly, "You wanted me here. Why?"

 

"You have a role to play." He observed her through half-closed eyes. "An important one, perhaps." He cocked his head and smiled slightly, “Or perhaps not.”

 

Anna shook her head. "I'm out of place and out of my own time. What can I possibly do?"

 

Lorien leaned forward, and placed one long finger against her forehead. "You know more than you realize. About them."

 

"I don't know anything about them!" Anna protested. "I don't remember..." She flinched at the touch of his hand. It burned like a live coal held against her flesh. "There's nothing I can do. I have no power over them."

 

"And they have no power over you," remarked Lorien, regarding her mildly. "At least, I suspect this is true. Soon, we will be meeting someone who can tell us for certain."

 

Anna couldn't help it; professional interest flared in her. "One of the First Ones we've been seeking? But what can they tell you? What can they do..." Her voice stuttered to a stop as her mind caught up with the implications behind Lorien's implacable expression. "There's nothing left of them inside me," she protested. "Lyta made sure of that."

 

"The telepath's powers were enhanced by the Vorlons," mused Lorien. "But they left her unaware of much of her capabilities." He folded his fingers into a steeple in front of his chin and watched her carefully. Anna's face twisted with a sudden stab of fear. "Our next contacts are more powerful and also more familiar with your captors. Unto a shadow of a shadow they will see. Then," he added with a slight smile, "We will also see." 

 

A tremor shook the ship. Alarms sounded, and Anna heard the rustle of Minbari robes as crewman assumed position to meet what awaited them. 

 

Ivanova appeared in the doorway. "Someone to see you," she said with heavy irony. "Both of you."

 

************************

 

Anna opened her eyes to behold a truly terrifying sight, a furious Susan Ivanova. The Commander was looking down at Anna...which meant she was lying down? Anna struggled to a sitting position, putting out hand to pull herself up. She was assisted by the firm grip of the Commander, hauling her rapidly upright.

 

"This is my ship, and my command. I won't be locked out of any space on it, not by an alien, even one that's older than God, and not by a woman back from the dead." Ivanova looked at Lorien coldly. "Was that the last of your old friends?" Looking back at Anna, she demanded, "What on Earth were you two doing?"

 

Anna shook her head, and immediately wished she hadn't. 

 

Ivanova gave a deep sigh, and addressed Lorien again. "Can we go now?"

 

The alien smiled at her and nodded. "They will join us at the meeting place as Sheridan has asked. And they were the last, so yes, Commander. We may return now. Our mission is at an end."

 

"And what did you do to Dr. Sheridan?" asked Ivanova, a look of concern crossing her face.

 

"Showed me what I can do to help," replied Anna. She got unsteadily to her feet. Susan discreetly put her hand under Anna's elbow. Pointing to the viewport, which now showed only a glimmer of the energy trail from the departed First Ones, Anna explained. "They went into my mind. No Shadows there, just like Lyta said. But apparently the experience of being plugged into their ships left me sensitive to their presence. I've got a built-in Shadow detector. It might even work second or third hand, and tell me if someone's working with them, or has been influenced by them."

 

Susan stared at her, and gave a low whistle. "That might come in handy. Eventually. But right now we've got a war to catch up with." She gave Anna's arm an awkward pat. "Get some rest. We'll be heading back at full speed. The fleet will already be in place, and I am not going to miss this battle."

 

***********************

 

Anna didn't get a chance to see either Susan or Lorien before they hurriedly left the station to catch up with the fleet which had been assembled by John and Delenn. The vast army of ships might already be facing down the combined might of the Shadows and the Vorlons. Communication with the fleet had been severely curtailed, and back on the station where it all started they might not know it was over... until it was over. 

 

Mr. Garibaldi was in command of the station, being the highest ranking member of the command staff left on board. There was Dr. Franklin, but running a space station was not his area of expertise. Not that it was Mr. Garibaldi's either, but Anna supposed John had left a well-trained cadre of lieutenants and ensigns to actually run the station. Someone had to be in command though, and that seemed to be the Security chief. 

 

She'd thought the tension was high before, now it was even worse. The corridors were deserted. People kept to their quarters; waiting, praying, hoping. Everyone she had come to know since her return was gone--Delenn, Lyta, John. Everyone, that is, except Stephen Franklin, and that's where she was headed. There had to be some way she could help. She had considered asking Brother Theo, but he was hard to find these days. His brothers seemed to be everywhere, offering assistance in myriad ways, spiritual and otherwise, but moral support was not her cup of tea. Logistics, admin work, some sort of basic clerical help in the medical facilities; that she could do, and perhaps lessen the burden on the medical staff who were still dealing with incoming refugees. 

 

Outside of MedLab One, she paused to look through the glass. Dr. Franklin was in the small office area, staring at a computer screen. He didn't seem to see the scan displayed on it; rather, he seemed lost in thought. Anna waited a moment, then firmly entered the facility and headed towards the doctor.

 

"Dr. Franklin?" she asked. Then, suddenly fearful of the blank look in his eyes, "Stephen?" Her voice choked on the next words, "Has there been any news?"

 

"What?" Stephen turned around, not seeming to see Anna at first, then his eyes snapped into focus. He shook his head after a moment, "No. No news."

 

Anna felt a mix of relief and disappointment. "It's hard to be the ones who wait, isn't it?" she said with tense sympathy. 

 

"You get used to it," replied Stephen. A wry smile crossed his face. "What can I do for you?"

 

"More like what can I do for you," Anna countered. Pulling a chair forward, she sat down and crossed her legs at the knee. "I want to help." Gesturing at the facility beyond the glass door, with staff clustered around patients, as well as moving to and fro on their medical errands, she added, "There must be something I can do here."

 

Stephen shook his head. "It's not so bad right now. Most of the worst cases have been dealt with; the less injured or mildly ill are still down on the planet. Do you have any medical training?" he queried.

 

"Basic first aid, CPR, a class that included the Adams Guide to Basic Xeno-Biology...that sort of thing." Anna's voice petered out as she listed her scant relevant talents. "I speak a bit of several languages," she added. "Although I suppose you use computers for translation. And my knowledge of medical terms is extremely limited."

 

Stephen looked at her thoughtfully. "Perhaps there is something you can do. You're used to interviewing people and collating data. We have a whole lot of displaced people down on Epsilon Three. We check them in when they arrive, give them an id bracelet or necklace or chip as their anatomy and degree of injury decree. But we need a master list, with names, planet of origin, and cross-checks for family and possible re-location options. My staff is spread too thin dealing with their medical care and basic needs. The various ambassadors have provided translators, but they are too few and too busy up here." He cocked his head and looked at her. "Are you up for it?"

 

Anna beamed happily at him. "I'll do what I can. When do I start?"

 

Stephen looked back at the screen, blanking the file he'd not been looking at and pulled up a schedule. "Tomorrow morning all right? I'll have someone in Communications pull together a kit for you; comlink, portable system with back-up power, translation software for your tablet, that sort of thing. You just pack what you'll need for a few weeks in field conditions." He stopped for a moment, then snapped his fingers. "Actually, I might be able to do better than that. Some of my staff has been quartered in the caves outside the Great Machine. We can probably fit you in there. I'm sure Draal won't mind."

 

"Great Machine? Draal?" asked Anna in surprise. "I thought Epsilon Three was uninhabited!"

 

"So did we," replied Stephen. "You'll like Draal. He was a big help with setting up the field camps down there. We're using the Great Machine as a power source for light, heat, medical equipment, communications." He sat upright suddenly, as if struck by a flash of inspiration. "I'll bet Draal can tap into that Machine of his and find out what's going on with the Captain!"

 

Anna was startled. "So this is some kind of listening device, this machine? Or is it used for long-distance surveillance?"

 

"Not...exactly," replied Stephen. "Draal is part of the Machine now, although he can step out of it and others can go in...I'm not exactly sure how it works," he confessed. "But I've always been curious." His expression brightened. "I think I'll go down with you. Introduce you around, check on things in the camps myself, and have another look at that Machine. We can tell Draal we want to check up on Delenn. Turnabout is fair play. She asked me to look in on him periodically, make sure his body remained in good shape. He'd do anything for her."

 

"His body?" Anna asked, curiosity overtaking her. "Draal is a Minbari name, isn't it? How does he know Delenn?"

 

"He was her tutor. Known her for ages, long before her change in the chrysalis." Stephen leaned back in his chair, and rested his head back against his interlaced fingers. "Yes, this is a good idea all around. Thank you, Anna."

 

************************

 

The next day found the two of them taking a shuttle down to the planet. Mr. Garibaldi had apparently been glad to give permission for Anna to leave the station. Anna suspected he still didn't trust her. She was intrigued by the cautious protocols alerting the mysterious Draal to their approach. From the attitude of the pilot, she discerned there had been some trouble before. Looking to Stephen, she found the doctor immersed in case files on his tablet, obviously unconcerned at the byplay between pilot and surface. Relaxing, she craned her head to look at the rapidly growing planetary surface in the small viewport. It would be good to be planetside again.

  
The shuttle landed in a large open circle, blowing up clouds of dust. Personnel ran up to it as soon as it was down and helped with the lowered stairs. The back of the shuttle opened up and medical staff began to unload the supplies Dr. Franklin had brought down from the station. Stephen helped Anna down the stairs, the duffel slung over shoulder keeping her slightly off-balance. Jumping the last step, she landed on the soil of Epsilon 3.

 

Stephen was immediately surrounded by his staff, and he spoke rapidly to them, obviously outlining a plan of action. He gestured to Anna and she followed him and them into a large plastic dome structure, probably the main field hospital. Most of the patients that had been sent down to the planet were not in bad straits, but sometimes there were complications. After a moment, Stephen called her over and introduced her to the others. One of the, a nurse who said cheerfully, "Call me Helen!", and took her bag and showed her the way to her new digs. Stephen called after them, "I'll be along in a minute, Anna! Get yourself settled."

 

Anna followed Helen Raines down a stone-lined hallway. There were thick wooden doorways on either side of the hall. It looked for all the world like a medieval castle back on Earth. Helen pushed open one of the doors and entered. Three cots were inside; two along the side walls, and one along the back wall. 

 

"Joyce Wang and I share this room, but there was plenty of room for another cot. You'll be in this one," she pointed towards the back. "The patients aren't too demanding, but we're short-staffed. They'll like having someone to talk to, poor things. So many of them have lost everything. Whole planets gone, even whole systems." Helen's voice shook a bit.

 

Anna patted her arm. "Well, I'll do what I can."

 

"And we appreciate it," replied Helen warmly. Her comlink sounded a loud chirp and she examined the pattern of lights. "I'm wanted in the main dome. I'll drop you back by the hospital; I gather Dr. Franklin wants you to meet our host." Helen's eyes sparkled. "You'll like Draal."

 

"Everyone says that!" laughed Anna, dropping her bag on the indicated cot. She took out her tablet and slapped on her link. "Let's go," she said. "I'm dying to meet this Draal and see the Great Machine."

 

************************

 

Anna met up with Stephen at the entrance of a long, dark corridor that had no visible end. They had descended deep into the planet, then Helen had left to return to the surface, and to her duties. Stephen was talking to a wiry alien with bushy hair like a fox. They were deeply engrossed, both of them gesticulating wildly. Anna drew near, and heard talk of generators and electrical fluctuations and malfunctioning equipment. 

 

"Zathras fix already. Cannot be needing fixed again." The small alien clicked his teeth together in defiance.

 

"I know, I know," soothed Stephen. "And you've done a wonderful job, connecting all the station equipment to the Great Machine. It's not like you can pick up the connectors at the nearest space market. But it's not working, and we need it for the Maru's environmental needs."

 

Zathras shook his head rapidly back and forth, then nodded. "Will look. Will fix." He twisted his head around and peered at Anna. "Shadow Watcher is here." He gave Anna a sketchy bow and hurried off down a side corridor.

 

Anna came up to Stephen and said, "Who was that?"

 

Stephen smiled. "One of the caretakers. What did he call you?"

 

"Shadow Watcher," said Anna thoughtfully, looking after Zathras, who had disappeared already into the unlit gloom. "I wonder how he knew," she muttered under her breath, then looked back at Stephen. "So where does this Draal hang out?"

 

"I do not 'hang' out," boomed a voice from behind her. 

 

Anna swiveled to behold the slightly glowing figure of a portly Minbari directly behind her. His face was round, with lines from years of laughter at his eyes and the corners of his mouth. At the moment, however, his mouth was fixed in a stern frown. His image fizzled and wavered, then solidified again.

 

"I suppose you could say my body hangs, supported in the cradle of the Great Machine." Draal looked hard at Anna. "You are Anna Sheridan," he accused her.

 

"I am," answered Anna, wondering what was causing the sparks of animosity she could feel emanating from Draal.

 

"You are welcome to stay here on Epsilon 3," continued Draal, talking over her acknowledgment. "The doctor has vouched for you, and..."

 

"Does everyone who comes down here need to be vouched for?" Anna asked, stung by the implied distrust in the Minbari's statement. "What about the patients? You told me you don't even have a complete list," she addressed Stephen now, eyes blazing. "If I'm not wanted down here," she began, torn between fury and dismay and close to tears.

 

Stephen looked at Draal with exasperation, but the Minbari just shrugged. He soothed Anna, "I need you here, and Draal has agreed." He gave Draal a hard stare. "Haven't you?"

 

"Of course," Draal rumbled. "And I apologize if my words offended you. I am the guardian of the Great Machine, and it is a grave responsibility." He bowed deeply towards Anna. "Please, tell me you did not hear my words, and accept as apology an old man's invitation to observe the wonders of this place."

 

Anna's temper was quick to burn, but just as quick to die away. "Of course, I understand," she said. Looking at Stephen, whose expression was one of barely suppressed excitement, she went on, "I would love to see your Machine. Stephen, can you spare the time to come along? If that's all right with you, Draal," she added with a smile.

 

"Fine!" boomed Draal. "More makes for merriment, as the worker caste says. You are welcome to accompany us, Doctor." He moved away, the glow from his holographic form casting shadows down the dim hallway. "This way," he said, and vanished.

 

Anna and Stephen stared down the empty corridor, then at each other.

 

From the other end of long tunnel a light flared. "Aren't you coming?" came Draal's unmistakable roar. Anna and Stephen hastened towards the ever-receding light.

 

_*************************_

 

Wonderful was the only word for the Great Machine. Anna had never seen active technology that advanced, not even on the White Star. The machine itself pierced the planet, extending through the core from one surface to the opposite one on the other side. She couldn't imagine the technology required to hide this huge planetary apparatus from the quarter of a million people on the station orbiting it. Almost in a dream, she walked behind Draal and Stephen, who were discussing the machine's capabilities. Who could have built such a wonder, and for what reason?

 

As if he had read her mind, Draal spoke to her, an educator's light in his eye, "It is meant to record and observe, and only occasionally to interfere. Those who built this were scholars and engineers, and dreamers, too." He beamed at the awestruck expression on her face. "Do you like it?" he asked, like a child showing off its work.

 

"It's amazing," Anna replied. "I could stay here for years, just studying this." They were now on the walkway that led to the heart of the Machine. Anna looked down, then up, at the seemingly endless column of machinery that powered the thing. Looking ahead, she could see the body of Draal, connected by tubes and wires and implants to the Machine, looking for all the world as if he was being crucified. "Does it hurt?" she suddenly asked, observing a rictus of pain twist Draal's physical face.

 

Stephen was observing the same thing with concern. "What's going on?" he asked, looking back at the hologram. It flickered again, fading and then solidifying. 

 

"Something is happening," replied Draal in a low voice. "Would you like to see?"

 

Both Anna and Stephen nodded. Anna held her breath. _The battle_ , she thought. Susan had said she had barely a day to get to Corianus Six. The White Star carrying her and Lorien would arrive just as the battle started, if John's strategy went as planned.

 

Draal's hologram hurried them to the foot of the cradle in which his body hung suspended. Anna and Stephen stood close together, looking about them. Draal was touching various controls, shifting levers and twisting knobs. "I am not certain where the signal is coming from; it's weak, but if I can pull it in through the Machine..."

 

Anna felt pressure fill her ears, and the blood rush to her head with a thrumming sound. Grabbing hold of Stephen's arm, she said hoarsely, "Do you see?"

 

Draal's body stiffened in the cradle, and his eyes snapped open. Stephen's eyes were fixed inwards, as were Anna's. She saw the bridge of the command ship, saw John and Delenn, encased in a shimmering force field, with Lorien forming a bridge between them. Beyond them stood two aliens, one tall and draped in a glistening robe of gold and brown, the other short and insect-like, its exterior sharp and jagged with an oily black sheen. The back of Anna's neck throbbed in pain, the focus of the agony just where her skull met the cervical vertebrae. 

 

Somehow Anna saw and heard both conversations at once. John was speaking with a woman encased in glass or ice; Delenn sparred with various figures, most of whom Anna recognized. This was the craziest battle she'd ever witnessed. It was also the first battle she'd ever witnessed. John's tone was blunt, his words sharp and definitive. He must have expected the questions and answers he heard from the Vorlon's representative. Anna felt her heart swell with pride as John pressed his arguments for the end to this awful war. Delenn was speaking with a simulacrum of Stephen, who was passionate in his embrace of evolution through war, the very opposite of what Anna knew his ideals to be. A representation of Susan also attempted to sway her, and Lennier, and a Ranger. Delenn held her own against all the storm of passion and emotion; Anna was proud of her too. The battle was of words and ideas, and after all the death and destruction, maybe that was all that was left. The final battle was to be of the mind, and of the heart.

 

Anna managed to catch hold of Stephen's hand, and gripped it tightly. The arguments hadn't worked, John and Delenn were refusing the play the game, and the aliens were petty in reaction to their rejection. Ships were sacrificing themselves, throwing themselves between John and Delenn and the attack. It was obvious to her and everyone who had witnessed the war of words that those two were the rock on which the alliance stood. Anna wanted to look away, but the images were poured directly into her mind, and there was no hiding from the knowledge that her husband and her friend shared one heart. 

 

Finally it was over. The good guys had seemingly...won? The vision, or projection, whatever it was, vanished from her inner eye, and Stephen dropped her hand. The doctor staggered away, leaning against a console and rubbing his temples. Draal moved towards Anna.

 

"It looks as if the long struggle is over," he observed quietly. "They will be coming home."

 

Anna looked into the Minbari's eyes, seeing both the warmth of native kindness and a cold evaluation. "It is their home, isn't it? I know it's John's now." The admission stung a bit. They had never had a home, both busy with their respective careers, dedicated to their work. 

 

"Delenn has made the station, and what it stands for, her life's work. It is her mission, and her penance." Draal spoke deliberately, watching Anna closely.

 

Anna shook her head. "I won't ask what you mean by that. It's none of my business." She leaned back against a railing and closed her eyes. "But you're wrong, you know. It's not over. John won't rest until Earth is free." Opening her eyes, she was surprised to see that Draal was nodding.

 

The Minbari examined her thoughtfully. "I have known Delenn since she was a child. She is...fond of Captain Sheridan, I believe." 

 

Anna nodded, speechless. Where on Earth or in all the galaxy was this conversation going?

 

"I would have liked to have seen her happy." His slightly glowing image dimmed, the holographic equivalent of a deep sigh. "She has been alone too long."

 

At this Anna shook her head. "Come on, Draal. This thing between the three of us, it's confusing all right, but we're all adults. I don't want to hurt anyone, not my husband and not Delenn for that matter. I consider her a friend!" _A very good friend._ She added firmly, "We'll sort it out together," adding under her breath, "Once we get a moment to breathe."

 

Draal chuckled softly, then threw back his head and let out a big echoing laugh. "A moment to breathe! Around Delenn and Sheridan!" He dried an imagined tear from one eye. "Not even the Great Machine can predict when that moment will arrive. If it ever does." Draal eyed her again. "I like you, Anna Sheridan. Perhaps you will find a way through this." Without turning around he barked suddenly, "Doctor! Please do not touch that conduit. My body would not appreciate accidental detachment from one of its main life supports."

 

Stephen, flustered, dropped the hand he'd been reaching towards one of the tubes leading to Draal's body now hanging relaxed in the Machine upon which its survival depended. "We should be going," he said to Anna. "I have to get back up to the station." Smiling brightly, he added, "Should be quite a party when they get back. Better get some preparations underway."

 

Anna's thought processes stalled at that idea. She felt suddenly adrift, and unconnected. Celebrations were the last thing on her mind; all the end of this war had shown her was how much John and Delenn belonged together. And even with her brave words to Draal, she didn't see a place for herself in their world. It was probably best to lose herself in her new job, at least for the moment. Nodding farewell to Draal, wordlessly she trailed Stephen back to the medical encampment. 

 

*************************

 

After three days, Anna felt more like herself. There was a bewildering variety of aliens in the encampment. It seemed like the whole sector had ended up taking refuge on Babylon 5. She had been through all three encampments, and organized the patients into groups; those who had a place in mind to go, family or friends ready to take them in, those who were going to have to spend some time in a camp awaiting placement, and those who were unable or unwilling to speak, not even to say who they were or where they had come from. Some of these were not physically injured, and Anna had some success drafting them to work for her, delivering and recovering forms, and entering data into the small computer Stephen had sent down with her. The data was uploaded every night and collated on the station's main system. Reports were sent to the relevant ambassadors, who responded with offers of placement when possible. Anna was exhausted at night, but took time to write up field notes on the various cultures reaction to disaster and dispersal, feeling like a vulture circling a battlefield, but fascinated all the same.

 

The tension that arose in her whenever she thought about John and Delenn's return to the station, and the inevitable return of the three of them circling each other in silent misery haunted her every free moment. Finally, in the middle of her fourth day on Epsilon Three, she decided it was time to work on an idea that had been brewing in her mind since her jaunt with Commander Ivanova and Lorien. Using her link, she made an appointment, and then took the next shuttle up to Babylon 5. 

 

*************************

 

"It's good to see you again," Anna began nervously. She was seated on the edge of an uncomfortable metal chair in a small office off a row of living quarters that had been converted into a kind of dormitory. 

 

Brother Theo observed her anxiety with concern. "What can I do for you, Doctor Sheridan?"

 

"Call me Anna, please," she broke in. "Almost no one does any more," she added wistfully. Clearing her throat, she began again. "I've been working with the refugees in the medical encampments down on Epsilon Three, assembling records, names, planets of origin, family or tribe, that sort of thing. Trying to get a handle on where they will all go, now that the war is over."

 

The monk nodded in sympathy. "It's a good idea. So many people with no place to go. This was only ever meant to be a temporary refuge..."

 

The words echoed in Anna's skull. _Temporary refuge_. That's what she had come to realize the station meant to her. It certainly wasn't a home. And she wanted to go home. "I want to go to Earth," she said quickly before she changed her mind. "I think I can help."

 

"Help how?" Theo's eyebrows and voice raised in question. "Help who?"

 

Anna hesitated. "Can I speak in confidence?"

 

Theo leaned forward and took her hands in his. "Of course, my child. It's what I am here for."

 

"I can sense them," she whispered. "Or rather I can sense where they've been, who they've touched." She put one hand to her forehead, "Lorien showed me how, or rather his friends did. It's because of what they did to me. Now I'm sensitive to them somehow. And I think they're on Earth."

 

Theo sat back in his chair and steepled his fingers. "That," he said, "would explain a great deal." He sat silent for a moment. 

 

Anna waited patiently. It felt as if her whole life was hanging on the monk's next words.

 

"Very well," he said. "I will put you in touch with a friend of mine, Reverend William Dexter. He is connected to the underground resistance. If there is Shadow influence on Earth, he will want to know." He regarded her solemnly, as if testing her resolve. "Are you sure you are not avoiding the situation here on the station? That this is what you want to do?"

 

"This is what I have to do," said Anna firmly. "I have to find my own way, and I want to help. The only thing is, I hate to leave Dr. Franklin in the lurch, down on the planet."

 

Theo smiled. "I think I can help with that." He rose and held out a hand to her. "Now, let us speak with Dr. Franklin and arrange replacements from among my monks to continue your work with the refugees. Then, we must find transport for you to Earth. For that, I believe we must rely on Mr. Garibaldi. He seems to have a special relationship with the Rangers we've seen so much of. And they seem to be able to go anywhere they please; perhaps you can 'hitch a ride' with them." 

 

He smiled gently at Anna, and she had the sudden feeling that Brother Theo could arrange many things for her--that he knew more about how things worked on the station than anyone realized. He reminded her of Draal. 

 

***********************

 

"Brother Theo?" snapped Michael Garibaldi. "What does he want?" The young lieutenant held steady under the withering gaze of the Security Chief and designated commander of the station. 

 

"I don't know, sir," replied the officer. "He's in the Captain's office, with the Captain's...um, wife."

 

Garibaldi sighed. "I suppose I'd better see what they want." He dumped a pile of folders, loose papers, and a tablet into the lieutenant's arms. "Put this somewhere out of my sight." As the lieutenant juggled the unsteady stack, Garibaldi jerked his head towards the command station. "Just put it down over there. I'll be right back." He strode off the command deck towards Sheridan's office.

 

Inside John's office, Anna and Theo sat before the wide desk. Anna looked around her at the signs and symbols of her husband's status and position. Some were familiar to her; others were not. Theo sat with both hands clasped in front of him, eyes almost closed, blue slits encased in laugh lines. 

 

"What can I do for you two?" said Garibaldi crisply. He sat down behind the large desk.

 

Anna tried not to hold that against him. She looked at Theo, who shrugged expressively. She sighed, and began, "I need to get to Earth." She bit back further explanation in the face of Garibaldi's instant look of surprise and suspicion. Trying to moderate any anxiety that was leaking through, she continued, "I don't belong here. I think we both know that."

 

Garibaldi sucked in his lower lip and nibbled on it. His eyes narrowed as he scrutinized Anna. Turning to Theo, he asked, "And what is your part in this?"

 

"Oh, just general moral support," replied Theo genially. "Mrs. Sheridan came to me for advice and when she told me what she wanted to do, I suggested we consult Dr. Franklin. He in turn suggested you might be able to help."

 

Anna managed not to turn and stare at Theo, upon hearing this somewhat modified description of events. Her own reluctance to confide in Mr. Garibaldi must have somehow been communicated to the monk. She smiled warmly at the security officer. "Stephen says you have contacts, people who can get me through the blockade and back home."

 

Garibaldi stared hard at Theo, then smiled grimly. "Contacts I do have, but that's not an easy trip whatever route you take and whoever accompanies you." He drummed his fingers on the desktop. "Does the Captain know about this sudden desire for space travel?"

 

Anna looked down, wondering how to play this. "No," she said slowly. "I haven't talked to him about it. He's hard to talk to. He's...changed." Shaking her head, she added, "I just want to go home, Mr. Garibaldi, and try to make some sense of what happened to me."

 

"Everyone at home thinks you're dead," pointed out Garibaldi.

 

"My identicard works. I have money, and friends who will help me, hide me while I figure things out," replied Anna. "Even relatives. I'd like to let John's family know I'm alive at least."

 

Garibaldi sat back in the chair and folded his hands behind his head. "If the Shadows can track you, it's probably better you're not here." He examined her in silence and then nodded once, sharp and decisive. "I'll send someone to your quarters in half an hour. Be packed and ready to go."

 

************************

 

Anna looked around John's quarters one more time. She didn't have much to pack, some of the clothes she'd bought in the Zocalo, the small glass pyramid Delenn had given her, her field notes. The room was neat and tidy, shipshape, just the way John liked it. There was just one more thing; she had to leave John a message. 

 

The monitor hung on the wall, inviting her to leave a brief video farewell, but she wanted to write it out. Words always seemed more real written down on old-fashioned paper. Rummaging in the small desk that sat against the wall in the living area, she found paper but no pen. Knowing John would keep supplies for similar tasks close together, she pulled the drawer out as far as it would go, and reached her slim hand deep into the depths. Her fingers found a cylindrical object, but also something square and soft. Pulling out the pen, she laid it aside, and unable to quell her curiosity, went back after the other item. 

 

It was a small square box, the kind in which jewelry was stored, and she stared at it with sick fascination. Her hesitation over the impropriety of her snooping was momentary and she snapped open the black velvet box. A small brilliant diamond in a spare but elegant setting met her eye. Anna stared first at the engagement ring in its plush setting, then at the more elaborate one on her own left hand. It had been John's grandmother's and it meant the world to her. As this one, as simple as it was, would have meant the world to Delenn. Carefully, she replaced the box in the drawer and closed it. Taking the paper to the table, she quickly sketched out a few words to John. The note to Delenn took a bit longer.

 

The door chime sounded notice of her escort's arrival, and she laid the letters exactly in the center of the low table, placing a glass paperweight on top of them. The top one was folded over and addressed to John. She had sealed the message to Delenn, which lay beneath John's. Picking up her borrowed carryall, with all her worldly possessions folded inside, she went to the door and opened it. A tall man, in the somber dark tunic and cloak of a Ranger was waiting patiently on one side of the open doorway. Anna nodded to him, and followed him as he walked quickly towards the turbo-lift that would take them to the passenger docks. She didn't look back.

 

 


	9. Means of Communication

 

Anna felt almost numb as her taciturn escort settled her into her seat on the shuttle. The ship was small and confining, but it would take them to a White Star hanging in space outside the station. Once they were aboard the larger ship, it would take them even further away from Earth before beginning the circuitous trek back to her home space. Her farewell messages lay behind her as bridges to her past life. Whether she'd burned those bridges or strengthened them, she had no idea. 

 

To John, she'd left instructions for him to get on with his life, to keep doing what he had to do, and to take care of Delenn. In the other note, Anna had assured Delenn that this mission is what she wanted and needed in order to find her own way. She'd also asked the Minbari not to worry or feel responsible for how things turned out, and to take care of John. Anna had thought about giving them both her blessing, but that felt a bit over the top. Besides, her feelings were too raw and confused for flippancy.

 

Now that the journey had begun, Anna wondered what she should do once she got to Earth. She settled back in the padded seat and tried to think. If she was right the Shadows had influence, and perhaps even operatives, inside EarthGov. William Dexter had contacts within the resistance. The resistance surely had contacts in the government. Anna herself had nothing but the bag stowed under her seat, a carefully worded introduction to Reverend Dexter from Brother Theo, and the ability hidden in the depths of her mind. 

 

"Dr. Sheridan?"

 

The query came from the Ranger, a sturdily built human of average height, with light brown hair cut short, and dark brown, almost black eyes. He had been studying her since the shuttle had left the dock. Anna might have been lost in thought, but she had still been aware of his attention.

 

"Mr. Garibaldi mentioned your identicard was operational." 

 

"Yes," she replied, wondering where this was going. "It still works, even though I'm officially deceased. I have some credit on it, that's most of my money, though I do also have some station chits John gave me. I don't suppose they will be worth anything where I'm going."

 

"I think you should not use the card," he said firmly. "Either destroy it, or hide it away for emergencies. Do not carry it on you."

 

Anna sat upright in surprise. "But Mr. Garibaldi checked it out, and whatever I may think of him personally, I don't question his ability to do his job. John would never have left him in charge if he doubted his competence." She pulled the card from the inset pocket on the sleeve of her jacket. "Besides, it's all I have left of myself."

 

The Ranger's eyes narrowed to slits as if trying to focus in on her heart and her soul. "You are all you need of yourself. And it is the experience of the Anla'Shok that the Shadows leave nothing behind without a reason. I am to accompany you to Mars and leave you in the hands of the Rangers stationed there. They will smuggle you down to Earth. From what I understand your mission lies there."

 

Anna simply nodded. It occurred to her that she didn't know this man very well, Ranger though he was.

Caution needed to be her constant companion now. "Perhaps you are right," she said slowly. 

 

"The Rangers on Mars can give you a new identity to use until you are sure," he said, a slight smile warming his eyes. "You are right to be careful, even with me." Putting out his hand across the space separating their seats, he added, "I am Jason Walker, and I was born on Mars. Your mission will allow me to check on my family, for which I am grateful. Although we forswear family ties upon joining the Anla'Shok, I remain concerned. Martial law has been difficult for the Mars-born."

 

"Ah," replied Anna as she grasped his outstretched hand and shook it firmly. "My first off-world mission was to the diggings in the desert outside Burroughs City. I have fond memories of the place. John was stationed on Mars at one point also, during the Riots." 

 

Jason's face closed down. "That was a bad time."

 

Anna nodded, "I agree. My husband is a soldier; he goes where he is ordered. Until this secession, I would not have believed him to ever disobey an order. But hard times make hard decisions."

 

"They do," answered Jason. He hesitated, "You are going to a shadowed Earth, that is what you believe, am I correct?"

 

"Shadowed in more ways than one," Anna concurred grimly. 

 

"Then take advantage of what the Rangers offer; money, a new identicard, cover for your mission. It is what we do, and we are very good at it," he urged.

 

"All right," said Anna. "I'll at least consider it. But why are you doing all this for me? How did you hear of my mission?"

 

"I know nothing aside from your destination," said Jason. "But Entil'zha Delenn has placed you under our protection. Whatever your mission, the Anla'Shok will do whatever it takes, whatever is needed, to help you accomplish it." He sat back in his chair. "You should get some sleep. We will have time to discuss this further. It will take us two weeks to reach Mars, and possibly another week to land you on Earth." And with that he closed his eyes and seemed to be instantly asleep.

 

Anna envied him. She didn't think sleep would come easily to her, not for quite a while. It was good of Delenn to look out for her, although the Rangers made her a little uneasy. They were so single-mindedly devoted, and so determined. But she didn't have have many assets to help her in her vague and ill-defined task. During their conversation, it occurred to her that she did have one more asset--a contact of her own, someone who knew his way around the higher echelons of the government. After meeting with Rev. Dexter, her next step would be to let her in-laws know she was back. She would locate retired ambassador David Sheridan, and see if he could help her to help Earth. 

 

*****************************

 

The ides of March were blustery and cold in Chicago. Ann Sullivan (as she was calling herself) felt the cold through her microfleece jacket. Jamming her hands deep into the pockets, she walked north on the street which would lead to the rectory where Rev. Dexter lived. The wind cut into her skin and she felt an errant snowflake or two hit her eyelashes. Her eyes were slitted against the stiff gusts, making it hard to see the house numbers. Out of the afternoon shadows rose the bulk of an old stone church, and just beyond it a sprawling house, dark green ivy spilling down the walls. Anna stepped through the open iron gate, walked quickly up the brick sidewalk and knocked on the heavy wooden door.

 

"Yes?" A low warm voice answered Anna's knock, and the door opened to reveal a middle-aged black woman, her face creased in a wide welcoming smile. Her carefully styled hair glistened snow-white against the soft tan folds of her face. She shivered as the chill air entered the hall, and gestured to Anna. "Come in, come in out of the cold," she urged.

 

Anna followed her hostess down the tiled hallway and into a large comfortable living room with a faded flowered couch and two overstuffed yellow and green plaid chairs. A fire burned on an open flagstone hearth, and flames danced high in a red brick chimney. The older woman sat down in one of the chairs which flanked the fire place, and indicated that Anna take the other. Anna brushed the damp from her coat and sat. "I'm Ann Sullivan. I've come a long way to meet Reverend Dexter. I have a message..."

 

"From Brother Theo," replied the woman. "Do you want some tea?"

 

"That would be lovely," said Anna, thrown off stride by the woman's knowledge. "When will Rev. Dexter be back?" 

 

"Soon. He's visiting. It's part of the job, to visit. And he enjoys it. We didn't know when you would arrive, you see," the woman said as she rose from the chair. A table against the wall held an electric kettle, several mis-matched china cups, and a sugar bowl. "Do you take milk? I have some in the kitchen. Wouldn't take a minute."

 

Anna shook her head. "No, just sugar is fine." She found herself relaxing, sinking back into the chair, the warmth and the light filling her up and spreading out to her limbs, which now felt heavy with fatigue. "I have to talk to...someone. Have to find the resistance..." As the words left her lips, she sat up, blinking the sudden rush of weariness from her eyes. "I don't know why I said that," she said hurriedly. "It's Reverend Dexter I want to see."

 

"No, honey," came back a low chuckle. "Will is a good man, and he's been acting as courier and an ambassador of sorts, but his real work is here with his congregation." Emily Dexter laid a cup of tea on the table next to Anna. "I am pleased to meet you, Dr. Sheridan. I head the NorthAmerican branch of the Free Earth Alliance." She smiled warmly, "You've found the resistance."

 

**********************

 

Anna sat in shocked silence, then broke into choking laughter. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" She felt herself slipping into hysteria and grasped at the hot cup of tea, letting the shock of the sudden heat on her fingers bring her back to herself.

 

Emily took a sip, and carefully set down the cup on a crocheted circle obviously meant to act as coaster. "You mean why didn't the Rangers tell you about me? That's easy; they don't know."

 

A glint of steel in the older woman's eye made Anna feel the return of caution. "What do you know about the Rangers?" she asked cautiously. Reaching into her coat, she pulled the carefully folded missive from Theo from an inner pocket. "Do you want to read this?"

 

"Later," replied Emily. "I imagine the insults are for Will and the confirmation of your identity for me, but we already know who you are." She picked up her cup, and balanced it on the wide curved arm of the chair, her slender fingers holding it by the thin rim. "As for the Rangers, we don't work with them here, but we have contacts on Mars, with the resistance there. The Rangers have a presence on Mars and have for several years. They're keeping a watch on something, we don't know exactly what, but they have worked with and for our friends on Mars, so we trust them...at least a little."

 

Anna nodded. "They keep watch on the Shadows," she said. Jason Walker had been reticent, but not totally unforthcoming about the Rangers' mission on Mars. Anna supposed once Delenn had told them to help her, they released information as they thought she might need it. "I do a little in that line myself," she added wryly.

 

Emily tilted her head to one side, examining her guest with needle-sharp perception. "Will told me about the greater War being fought outside our system. Are you telling me the two are related?"

 

"It's possible," replied Anna, "although the war with the Shadows is over." Leaning forward, she laced her fingers together and tried to force the sincerity of her beliefs into her words. "The Shadows encouraged conflict; one of their goals was to keep forces from coming together in alliance. Earth is caught up in xenophobia. It was convenient for them, keeping us out of the bigger war. We brought other races together once to fight the Dilgar. They didn't want that to happen again."

 

"Makes sense," Emily agreed. "But you say it's over?" She leaned forward, examining Anna with narrowed eyes. "So they've been defeated. What does this have to do with our struggles?"

 

"It makes sense that the Shadows encouraged this xenophobia; they may even be backing President Clark. I can tell you who in the government, and who in the resistance, has been in contact with the Shadows," said Anna with a confidence she didn't entirely feel. "It will tell you who can and can't be trusted."

 

Emily Dexter picked up the cup and settled it in the palms of her hands, staring into the brown steaming liquid. "I see." She sat silent for a minute, which stretched to two, and then three.

 

Anna had begun to wonder if her whole journey had been a wasted one when the other woman spoke. 

 

"If we take you up on this...let you use this ability you believe you have to identify those who've cooperated with the Shadows...would we be any different that the government?" Emily spoke slowly.

 

Anna was confused. "What do you mean?"

 

"EarthGov has managed to build fear in our people, fear of all alien influences. If we go after those who've been influenced by aliens, tag them and tar them...aren't we following the same course?" asked Emily.

 

"But the Shadows are evil!" replied Anna. "They use people, wire them into their ships. They killed hundreds of thousands of innocent beings, started wars..."

 

"The whole race of them? Every single one? How do you know this?" Emily's voice was slightly censorious.

 

"I," said Anna, then stopped. "They were working in concert, like a hive of bees or a colony of ants." She rubbed the back of her neck. "They were horrible," she said, and shuddered.

 

Emily watched her sympathetically. "If they were behind Clark's ascent to power and his tyrannical rule, then I'm glad they were defeated. And I suppose it would be good to know who their contacts were, even if we don't rush to condemn them," said Emily. "How would you suggest we get started?" she asked.

 

"I want to find David Sheridan. Help me get to the family farm. John told me he and Miranda had retired there," Anna urged.

 

Emily shook her head. "They're being watched." 

  
"Do they ever leave? Go to a nearby city, or even come to Chicago?" Anna asked, searching for options. 

 

Emily nodded. "We keep an eye on them too. Not too close, the government forces aren't too smart but there are a lot of them, and we don't need the attention. David comes in to Northwestern every few months, sometimes with Miranda, sometimes on his own. He picks up some kind of medication there."

 

"For his blood disorder," Anna assented. "He's taken Tenasticin for years; it's made in Centauri space and it's hard as hell to get hold of. Probably it's even harder now."

 

"We can divert Ambassador Sheridan on his next visit," said Emily. "Will generally has a parishioner or two in the university hospital. He can run into the ambassador, make his acquaintance, maybe invite him home..."

 

"When is his next trip?" asked Anna.

 

"Not till the end of the month," replied Emily. "You're welcome to stay here. While we're waiting you can check out my people for this 'influence'."

 

"All right," said Anna. "But I wish it could happen sooner. I have the strangest feeling that Earth is the next battlefield." She smiled sadly. "Wars never really end, do they?"

 

************************

 

Anna didn't find anyone influenced by the Shadows in Emily's inner circle, all of whom came to dinner at one time or another the next two week and were unwittingly scanned by their fellow guest. Emily had not wanted to do it this way, but her husband Will, a charismatic and boisterous man had insisted. He was deadly serious when it came to protecting his wife. Anna found it very sweet. As the time got close for David's usual visit to Chicago, she became more and more agitated. She had been close to John's parents, even before their marriage, due to her long friendship with their daughter Lizzie. Now they thought she was dead; they had mourned her for over three years. It was bound to be a shock. Anna had no idea what would be the best way to let them know of her continued existence. Emily merely smiled at her anxieties, and told her to leave it to Will.

 

******************************

 

When the time came Anna was seated in the same living room where Emily had revealed herself as leader of a resistance cell. She was writing on a tablet of white paper, the first several pages curled back around the top. She'd always had a fondness for writing by hand, and this was her attempt at a record of what had happened to her since she'd regained consciousness on Babylon 5. It was her hope that writing it down might give her some idea of what to say to David when he finally arrived.

 

She was lost in thought when the front door slammed and she heard voices approaching down the hallway. One was Will Dexter's, the other even with a quaver she didn't recall was obviously David Sheridan's. Anna stood, then sat down, wondering what she could possibly say. The door to the living room opened and Emily entered. 

 

"Will's taken him into his study and is telling him you're here," she said briskly. At the sight of Anna's startled face, she crossed the room and patted the younger woman's shoulder. "There's no way to make this easy on either of you. But it's good news," she went on, squeezing Anna's arm. "He'll be happy about it once he's past the shock."

 

Privately Anna wondered how she could possibly explain everything that had happened to her, and to John. But then the door was opening, and there was her Pop-in-law. Tears blurred her sight for a moment but she rapidly blinked them away. He was older, shrunken a little, but wearing the same old cardigan she remembered. And he was holding out his hands to her, so she entered the first whole-hearted embrace of welcome she'd received since her return.

 

"David," she managed to say, her voice muffled as she buried her head in his shoulder. The cardigan smelled of wool and the spicy aftershave he'd always worn. "I'm back." 

 

The older man gently pushed her away and examined her top to bottom. "Anna?" he finally said, and her heart felt pinched by the sadness she heard in his voice. "Is it really you?"

 

"Yes!" she said, brushing away the tears that would not be denied. "How are you?" she asked, though it seemed an inane question at the moment. That's what social niceties were for however, to get people through the awkward moments.

 

"Fine, fine," David replied. Will, who had been standing back with his arm around Emily, came forward and taking David by the elbow, guided him to a chair. Anna sat close to him on the edge of the adjacent couch. David's eyes glittered, "Does John know?"

 

Anna had dreaded this inevitable question. "Yes, he does. I...was brought to Babylon 5, and he was... there." _Eventually_ , she added mentally, wondering how much to say, and how much David already knew.

 

"Why are you here then?" David straightened and some of his formidable intellect came through in his posture and tone. "Why come back to Earth?"

 

"It's a long story," began Anna slowly. She'd given this moment so much thought, carefully deciding on a cover story, on exactly how much to reveal. And all her resolve melted in the emotion of greeting the first person who had simply been happy to see her. “I did die out there, well, almost anyway. Some of the people on Babylon 5 brought me back to health, and then I came here.” Her voice faltered and fell. “As for why come back to Earth....I just wanted to come home,” she concluded abruptly. 

 

David looked at her skeptically. “You were injured when the Icarus exploded?” he asked.

 

“We crashed. Most of us died. Two of us survived, after a fashion, and came back.” The scar on the back of her neck was throbbing painfully, like a hot coal had been touched to it. “It changed me, and it changed John,” she added without thinking.

 

David sat up straight and his eyes bored into her. “Crashed where? What do you mean, 'it' changed John? Your return changed him, or something else? What can you tell me about my son?” he demanded, a cooler tone entering his voice. 

 

“I can't tell you much,” Anna confessed. “Some of it is not my story to tell. And then, things are still happening out there. He's well, or was the last time I saw him before I left.”  


“Where was he when you left for Earth?” asked David. Emily had left them to talk, going out to arrange the evening meal, which was to be just the four of them. Will had removed himself to the background, but Anna could feel his watchful eyes on her, his care that she not reveal secrets that were not hers.

 

Anna narrowed her eyes and thought hard about how much she should reveal. David's hand on the arm of the chair was shaking slightly, and she felt a rush of pity. John's parents understood his work, but she knew they missed him, and given the events of the last few years, they must also be worried sick most of the time. Her instincts kicked in; the man was an ex-Ambassador, and her father-in-law. He deserved some answers. “John was still away with the Fleet when I left.”

 

“The Fleet?” queried David. Will made a motion in the shadows near the fire, but stayed silent.

 

Anna nodded. “There was a war going on, out in space. John and Delenn rallied the other races to fight together against the enemy, and the Alliance won. They won a great battle. You should be proud of him.”

 

“Delenn?” asked David. “The Minbari Ambassador? Who exactly were they fighting?”

 

Anna felt her throat close on the words, which came out in a harsh whisper, “The Shadows, that's what they're called, and they killed the others from the Icarus. They're the ones who took away three years of my life.”

 

David sat back in his chair and clutched both arms, his thin fingers pushing through the crocheted holes in the protective arm covers. “But where were you, Anna, while you were gone...while we all thought you were dead?” He looked confused. “How did you come back?” He rubbed his forehead with one hand. “And this war... it's over?”

 

At that moment Emily came back into the room. “Will,” she said, “I need to speak with you. We have company.”

 

Anna looked up, startled. David looked from one face to another in concern. Will crossed the room and touched Emily on the arm. She laid her hand on his briefly “How many?” he said.

 

“Two,” she replied. “Not to worry. The watchers are being watched. Maybe it would be best if Ambassador Sheridan remained here as our guest, for a few days at least.”

 

“I have to get home,” David protested. “Miranda is expecting me.”

 

“We can get word to you that you've been delayed,” replied Emily. And, exchanging a glance with Will, she added, “And perhaps we should pass along a warning as well.” Turning to Anna and David, she smiled. “Come in to dinner now. We can talk more later.”

 

**************************

 

Emily and Will told Anna privately that they would hold a council of war after David had been settled into the guest room. The elder Sheridan hadn't planned to spend the night this trip, but Emily kept a safe house in the underground cellars hidden below the house, and it was always stocked for unexpected guests. A quick trip downstairs netted the basic hygiene items while the older man was escorted upstairs by Anna. She answered even more questions about John on the way, and realized uncomfortably that David understood more than she explicitly explained.

 

Anna came back down and entered the dining room, where Emily was pouring out two glasses of red wine. The older woman handed Anna a glass and sat down next to her husband. Anna pulled out a chair and sat down, crossing her legs and leaning forward. “What exactly is going on?”

 

Will sighed and leaned back in his chair. Emily took a drink from her glass then twirled the stem between her fingers. Emily spoke first. “We've kept a watch on the Sheridans, ever since the station declared itself independent. The government didn't take well to Captain Sheridan's joining the ranks of the disaffected, and we were afraid Clark would take action against his parents.”

 

“Would he do that?” asked Anna, slightly shocked. Then she shook her head, surprised at her own naivete. “Of course he would. Neutralize your enemies by any means necessary. That's sound military strategy. But would he be more likely to harm them or simply use them as hostages?”

 

“I don't know,” replied Will. “But if the war with the Shadows is over, Captain Sheridan will now be free to work directly against Clark. And if Clark was allied with the Shadows, he would know of their defeat, and he would prepare for a possible attack from the rebelling worlds.”

 

Emily nodded. “I'm afraid that rounding up hostages makes a good deal of sense. We've sent someone out to the Sheridan farm who will encourage Miranda Sheridan to take precautions, even go into hiding. It's probably best if the Ambassador stays here. We can move him to a safer place if need be.” She looked at Will. “We'll have to check on any relatives of the leaders on Mars and Proxima that live here on Earth, and get them to safety if we can.”

 

“Agreed,” said Will. Then he examined Anna. “And what shall we do to protect Captain Sheridan's wife?”

 

“I don't need protection,” protested Anna. “They don't even know I'm alive!” She stopped, and said in despair, “Of course they do. God, I'm such an idiot. The last thing I wanted to do was be used against John and against Earth. Thank goodness I got rid of that identicard,” she added under her breath.

 

“I don't think they know you're here with us,” mused Emily. “There's been no increase in surveillance since your arrival. But perhaps it is best if you move on.”

 

“With David?” Anna asked.

 

“No,” replied Emily with a wry smile. “I think we should definitely not keep all our Sheridans in one basket.” She added, “It will take a week or two to set up safe transport.”

 

“How about Geneva? That's where I wanted to go all along. It's where I would be of the most use,” suggested Anna.

 

“That would be the most dangerous place of all for you,” protested Will. 

 

Emily tilted her head to one side, considering the options “I don't know,” she said slowly. “It _is_ a risk but if the real battle is about to start, maybe we need to hasten to identify potential danger spots. Anna can help with that. The hardest part of any rebellion is figuring out who's on your side. There are plenty of good folks left in our government, hidden in plain sight as it were. At least if we know the ones who've dealt with the Shadows, we can avoid them or even target them as warranted.”

 

“We can't ask Anna to do this,” repeated Will. “It's not her battle.”

 

“We can ask,” said Emily, keeping her eyes on Anna. “Or rather, she can offer. It's what she came for after all.”

 

“Yes,” said Anna. “It's what I came for. And it is my battle. Earth is my home. I want to go. I want to help.”

 

Two days later came the news that the Sheridan farm was ablaze. Anna and David had been playing chess in the living room. Emily was out of the house, but Will was in his study working on next Sunday's sermon. There had been a knock at the door and a flurry of activity in the hallway, interspersed with the chiming of communications alerts all over the house. Anna had risen to go and find out what was happening, when she almost bumped into Will entering the room. His face was grim, but he nodded at her reassuringly as he pushed past her.

 

“Ambassador Sheridan?” Will said as he sat down in the chair Anna had vacated. Anna had come back and sat next to David, feeling the need to hover protectively over the older man.

 

“I'm afraid we have received some bad news,” began Will. At the sight of the blood leaving David's face paper-white, he hastened to add. “Your wife is fine. She is safe with friends in Minneapolis. She left yesterday apparently.” His eyes were warm with sympathy and his voice gentle. “I'm afraid the farm, your home, has been lost in a fire. Our people on the scene say there is nothing left to salvage.”

 

Anna had put one arm around her father-in-law, her emotions veering between concern and outrage. She had met John at the farm, visiting there with Lizzie one Thanksgiving long ago. The house was filled with memories for her, and it meant the world to John and his sister, much less his parents. It had been in their family for three generations. There wouldn't be a fourth, not now. An errant thought crossed her mind. With Lizzie and Daniel settled on Proxima and John's current situation, it wasn't likely there would have been another crop of Sheridans to take up residence in any case. Bringing her mind back to the current crisis, she asked Will to get David a glass of water, and took the opportunity to whisper, “It'll be all right. At least Miranda is safe,” to David. 

 

The older man nodded but continued to grip her hand. He addressed the Rev. Dexter. “I'm glad you got that message to my wife. We've had a plan in place for months now, of where we'd go if the government got serious. She'll be safe with the Reynolds; they're old friends of ours, and of John's. They have their own resources if things get worse.”

 

Will's eyebrows raised but he merely nodded. “You're welcome to stay here of course, at least for the immediate future. We'll have to move you out as soon as we can; we have to assume they know you're in Chicago.”

 

“Yes,” replied David. “I made no secret of my appointment at the hospital. But if I can get out of town via your underground railroad that might be best.” He looked directly at Will, with a slight smile on his lips. “I suppose the rebellion has ways of moving people around?”

 

Will laughed out loud. “You've had us figured out for a while, haven't you?” he said, shaking his head. 

 

“I had my suspicions when you were so friendly at the hospital. And John mentioned your name in one of his letters as someone we might be able to trust.” He patted Anna's hand. “Of course I had no idea you were going to be here. I've never been more pleasantly surprised in my life.”

 

Anna joined Will in laughter. “And we've been trying to protect you!” she protested. 

 

“The diplomatic service prepares you for a certain level of intrigue,” replied David, almost smugly. His smile faded. “I would have preferred never to use these sort of skills again, but no one gets to choose the times they live through.”

 

“When Emily gets back we'll all sit down and plan out our next moves. She should have a timetable set up by then,” said Will. “Meanwhile I'll get back to that sermon. People will need some guidance the next few weeks, I'm thinking.”

 

David and Anna sat in silence, watching him leave.

 

***************************

 

It was more than a week later before they were due to leave; Anna for Geneva, David for another unnamed safe house. To Anna's surprise, she had received a message from the Rangers through their loose alliance with the Earth underground rebellion. They had offered to set up a message relay for her to stay in touch with the Babylon station. The means of communication would be hand-written letters, unaddressed and unsigned, with a drop off in Geneva for her use. The old-fashioned methods had been found to be the most efficient at undermining the intense electronic and psychic scrutiny employed by the Clark administration. They warned her that pick-ups would not be regular and that any messages left unclaimed for a certain number of days would be destroyed. Still, she leapt at the chance to keep in touch with John and Delenn, even in this roundabout and irregular way. She found that she missed them both.

 

One night Emily called them both into the living room and set the large comscreen to ISN. “I think you should see this,” she said. “They sent a reporter out to do a report on Babylon 5.” At their skeptical faces, she added, “It's a case of know your enemy. It will undoubtedly be a hatchet job, if a subtle one, but better we know what they plan to say than be surprised by it later. Propaganda can be quite revealing. What they expect us to fear may reveal what they themselves fear.” She turned up the sound as the reporter's face filled the screen. 

 

After it was over, Anna felt shell-shocked. “That wasn't what I would call subtle,” was all she could find to say. “Minbari war syndrome, my...” her voice trailed off as she turned to check how David had reacted.

 

David looked solemn, but remarked, “It wasn't that bad actually. They are certainly looking to blame the Minbari and the other aliens, which makes sense from a political viewpoint. A scapegoat is always required, and it's always easier to demonize those who are already viewed as evil—at least by a good proportion of the populace. John is still too popular to be thrown overboard. They'll try to subvert him by portraying him as weak or ill, or turn him to agree with their side. It won't work of course, but they will try.”

 

“That's why we have to protect you, Ambassador,” replied Emily. “His family is his weak point.” She examined Anna carefully. “Does that include you, Anna? Or is there some reason Captain Sheridan wouldn't be affected by your capture?” 

 

Anna blushed. “I don't know, honestly. A part of him that would be affected by any innocent caught up in intrigue and used against him. But we are still working our way back from three years apart, and three years he thought I was dead.” She decided to leave the rest unspoken. David looked at her thoughtfully; not much got past the older man, especially not when it had to do with his son. 

 

The part of the interview with John and Delenn together had skated around their relationship; hell, John had denied it outright. Still Anna could see the muscle jumping in his jaw, the tension in his hands and neck. Delenn also held herself stiffly, her eyes wary, as if she was preparing to ward off a blow. It tore at Anna's heart to see the two of them, sitting close together but carefully not touching each other. If only she was there; but then, she hadn't made anything better with her presence before. This was ridiculous. She'd run away from the awkwardness of the situation, feeling unwanted and unneeded. Anna decided that once she'd finished her job here on Earth, she'd return to Babylon Five and straighten out this mess. In the meantime, she made a vow to re-open the lines of communication between the three of them, making full use of the Ranger Express.

 


	10. Heroic Hearts

**Geneva, Earth, end of April 2261**

 

_Work is going well. Meeting lots of new people._

 

Anna crumpled up yet another sheet of paper and threw it to the floor. The succession of small nameless hotel cubes in which the underground placed her were equipped with only the bare necessities. Her current bleak surroundings were reflected in her carefully worded compositions. It was harder than she had thought, communicating without actually saying anything.

 

_My new insight into people scares me._

 

That was probably too specific. Holding her pen between her teeth, and bending down she searched through the discarded draft letters in the trash and picked out an earlier version.

 

_I am seeing things I never thought I'd see. It has changed how I view people; both new friends and old. My job will be done soon, or so I hope. Then I want to return to you and see the view from where you are._

 

Anna tore that one right down the middle. John would think she was planning on resuming their relationship where it had ended. That one word...'ended'...brought her up short. Leaning her chin on her hand, looking out from her desk through the small square window that showed a slice of deep blue sky, she wondered why it hadn't occurred to her before. Death was an end, although the feelings remained, muted with time and new experience. And she had died, and that had been the end; a long dark nightmare with brief awakenings to torture for her, a long drawn-out and painful adjustment for John. But if their marriage had ended on Z'ha'dum, a new relationship could still arise from its ashes. 

 

Taking up the blank pad of paper she began again.

 

_J--I am doing my best to help with our current project. It's scary and exhausting, but it's good to be working and I'm glad to be here. I left your father in good health but I don't expect to see him again soon. I hope you are well, and your partner is too. Tell her I miss her, and know that I miss you too. A._

 

That will have to do, Anna thought as she sealed the edges and slipped the folded page into a plastic envelope. Dimming the lights with a wave of her hand, she left for the coffee shop where she left her messages in a bottle. 

 

It was dusk in Geneva and the streets were clearing of people on their way home from work, and filling with those who were going out afterward. Slipping into the coffee shop, she took her customary table in the front, to the side of the plate glass window in a darkened corner. From there, she could see everyone who entered but wasn't easily seen herself. 

 

“Mrs. A?” 

 

The voice came from her left side, from a figure that had suddenly appeared beside her, seated on the bench that ran the length of the wall. 

 

“That's right,” she replied, after turning to see a light-haired man with a trimmed beard sporting a dull black cape. He had quickly turned over the lapel to reveal the Ranger pin. “Pick up only?”she asked.

 

“Not this time,” the man said, and taking the envelope she held on her lap under the tiny round table, he replaced it with a thin packet. 

 

Flushing with pleasure, she looked up to thank him and saw he was gone. Examining her treasure she saw the usual note on the front. _Thursday week, 8 pm local_. That would be the next rendezvous. They had told her it would be erratic, every week sometimes, once a month at others, depending on the situation. There were no permanently stationed Rangers on Earth, but they had couriers who dropped down from Mars, carrying legitimate business mail and extras. 

 

Taking her time to finish her coffee and order a pastry to go, Anna left as quietly as she had come, returning to her dim spare room to read between the lines.

 

_A--Not much time and the post is waiting. Thanks for letting me know about Dad. Must have been hard to see him again after such a long time. Wish I could have been there. Our mutual friend has had to go home for a little while. Miss her, miss you. J_

 

Short and sweet, John's letter was as terse as his verbal communications. Still Anna thought they were communicating better in her absence than they had been on the station. His first note had been frankly judgmental of her decision to leave the station; at least she thought she read that in the few lines he'd scrawled. 

 

Turning to the other enclosure she found a piece of thin creamy paper with a tear at the top right corner. Anna thought Delenn must have stationery with some identifying mark or title on it since every note had a similar tear. Why the Minbari woman didn't use different paper Anna didn't know. She supposed it was a tradition that had to bend to the realities of their situation. Given the current xenophobic attitudes on Earth it was just as well she was under orders to destroy the letters after she read them. Anything that linked her to the station in general or to the Minbari in particular was best not discovered. 

 

_A—It was so good to hear from you, and I rejoice that you have settled into your new position. I am certain that you are where the Universe wants you to be and yet I wish you had not had to leave us. I am writing this while on a journey, one that I hope will have positive results. It is not as urgent a matter as it might once have been but still I face questions. You are familiar with that position I believe. Someday you will visit my home with me, and that is something for us both to look forward to. D._

 

Anna put down both pages and smoothed them together, then held them up by one corner. Taking a flashlighter from the narrow desk drawer, she held it against the papers and watched them flare and dissolve to dust on the scarred wooden desktop. Blowing on the fine remains, she watched them circle in the rays of the setting sun that momentarily pierced the gloom. A knock at the door startled her, and she slid to one side, removing a compact stunner from her jacket pocket. 

  
“Who's there?” she asked, heart pounding even as she acknowledged the ridiculousness of her position. Xeno-anthropologist and Super Psychic Spy—that's a diverse portfolio!

 

“Cincinnatus,” came the gruff reply.

 

Relaxing a bit, she opened the door, still holding the stunner at her side, ready to raise it in self defense if necessary. A slight young man in a grey down parka entered the room. “Ready?” was all he said.

 

“Yes,” replied Anna, shoving the gun deep in her pocket. 

 

The young man caught her arm. “We're going in deep tonight, to the Senate chambers. They scan for weapons, even the route we're taking. Best leave it behind.”

 

Anna swallowed. She'd gotten fond of the feeling of protection provided by the small device, although realistically she knew it didn't afford much protection against elite military guards and the occasional presence of PsiCorps. “All right,” she said reluctantly, and hid the stunner deep in the one carryall she kept packed at all times. The rebellion moved her around a lot. Dropping it back on to the bed she left, walking behind her guide.

 

'Cincinnatus' led her into tunnels which ran under the Senate chamber, then up back stairs and through corridors that were sparsely guarded. Some of the guards they hid from and others they exchanged secret signs with; Anna was always amazed at how many people were on the side of the rebellion. It seemed to her that there would soon be a critical mass of rebels who could overthrow the government. Surely they were getting close to that flashpoint, but from her vantage point in the trenches she didn't have a good overview of the situation.

 

When they finally reached the top level, they were waved into the back of the gallery overlooking the chamber. The Senators were all seated in a semi-circle of wooden pews, half-shrouded in darkness. A central light shone on a dull metal podium. A tall dark-haired female Senator was giving an impassioned speech, criticizing the new and even harsher restrictions on media. Anna listened with interest; Senator Crosby represented the NorthAmerican Federation. 

 

Her guide leaned over and whispered into her ear, “Anyone showing up on your radar?”

 

Anna retorted in exasperation, “You know I can't do anything at this distance! I have to get closer.”

 

Cincinnatus, or whatever his name was, gave a sly smile. “We'll be in the crowd at the exit, along with the press, such as it is. I've got press passes for both of us. Just mark anyone who's suspicious and we'll identify them later. Also, once this session's over, we've got a meeting set with Senator Crosby. She's been reaching out to the more visible parts of the rebellion, and I'm to make preliminary contact. You can scan her up close and personal.”

 

“How did you manage a meeting?” asked Anna.

 

“It's been set up as an interview for one of the netzines. You're the photographer. There's a manual digicam in my bag. They don't allow the robotic ones in this building for security reasons. If you find she's clear, I'll sound her out. You won't have to say a word.” The agent called Cincinnatus patted her arm reassuringly.

 

Anna looked away, her lips thinned in anger. Sometimes she felt the rebellion would have preferred a bloodhound, something they could order around and keep in a kennel when not being used. She smiled tightly at her handler. That was pretty much what they had in her. “Sure. Good plan.”

 

The session wound on, but after Senator Crosby's speech, the rest was platitudes and the twisted logic that passed for politics these days. She stood in the hallway afterward, partially obscured by Cincinnatus, who had pulled a recorder from his shoulder bag and was asking questions along with the rest. She felt the tingle at the back of her neck and the burning ache in her temples only a few times but each time she dutifully recorded the face of the person who brought forth the feeling. At the same time she indicated them to Cincinnatus; it was good to have back-up identification in case one of them got caught. When the questions died down, her guide held out his hand for the digicam, stuffed it in his bag, and they headed to their meeting.

 

Senator Crosby had apparently left by another exit, but since they had an appointment they didn't worry too much. Flashing their passes, they wended their way by guards and aides to a central area in the complex where the senator's offices were located. Anna felt the odd random buzz from someone she passed, but never anything strong enough to indicate any one that had had prolonged contact with the Shadows. There hadn't been too many flashes here on Earth, even in Geneva, and she was beginning to suspect that the Enemy had worked through layers of proxies and that her mission was largely a futile one. As a scientist she knew all information, even negative data, was valuable, but the danger might outweigh the benefit in this case.

 

Finally they reached the heavy wooden door, dark with age, and showed their identification to the guard who was patrolling the corridor. Cincinnatus thumbed the pad activating a doorchime and they waited for permission to enter. The door opened, and the guard waited until they were inside before resuming his patrol.

 

The senator was seated behind a large desk strewn with paper. She had been writing, longhand, with a smoothly turned wooden pen. Anna approved, and warmed to the other woman immediately. Her guide gave her a sidelong look and she shook her head slightly. No warning heat, no buzz; only a quizzical look at their interchange which had not gone unobserved by the alert subject.

 

“You're from New York?” the senator queried. Rising as she spoke, she came around the desk and extended her hand to Anna. “I'm Patricia Crosby. And you are...?”

 

“Jake Weldon,” came Cincinnatus' reply. Easier to think of him as Jake, Anna thought, wishing he'd mentioned their cover names before they'd gotten inside. “This is Ann Sullivan, she'll be taking some photos to accompany the article, with your permission.” He fumbled inside his bag for the digicam. 

 

Senator Crosby raised one eyebrow and gripped Anna's hand tightly. “A photographer that doesn't carry her own equipment? That's odd.” Gesturing them towards two upright wooden chairs, she waited until they sat down. Standing in front of the desk, she leaned back against the edge and observed them closely. “You two aren't reporters. What exactly do you want? Who are you?”

 

Anna jerked slightly at the form of the questioning, which brought her back to darkness momentarily. She stared at Jake/Cincinnatus, but only saw old horrors as she waited for him to speak. 

 

He examined the senator, eyes hard and flinty grey. “You've been heard to wonder whether there's anyone out there.” He waved a hand in the air, as if indicating someone outside the walls of the governmental compound.

 

Her eyes met his, unflinching yet wary.“I don't know what you mean,” Senator Crosby replied coolly.

 

“Anyone at all,” Jake continued. “Anyone who wants a change.”

 

She nodded, then held one finger to her lips. Turning to her desk, she pulled forward a square squat box and pushed in two buttons, one centered in the top, the other a bar across the left side. Anna flinched as a sub-current of white noise made her teeth clench and her head ache.

 

Senator Crosby went back to the padded leather chair behind the desk and sat down. “You can speak freely now. I assume you're from the rebellion?”

 

Jake smiled wolfishly at her. “That we are, ma'am.” He nodded at the box. “I only hope that's not a recorder.”

 

“And I hope that equipment you carry isn't recording my own treason,” replied the senator. “We must hang together, sir...”

 

“Or assuredly, we must all hang separately,” chimed in Anna. 

 

Jake laughed. “More likely than not we will hang,” he said. “Now, down to business.” He quickly sketched out a plan for future contact and gave her a few code words and a drop where she could leave word of any new crackdowns or upcoming repressive legislation. They talked quickly and quietly and to the point, and Anna sat in silence.

 

After a few minutes, Senator Crosby turned to her and asked, “And what is your purpose here? I assume you have one or they wouldn't have risked getting you in here.”

 

Anna looked at Jake, who shook his head slightly. She bit her lip in frustration, then took a leap of faith. “I'm a Shadow watcher,” she said firmly. 

 

“And who, or what, is a Shadow?” asked the senator, her interest piqued. “And call me Pat, please. At least in private.” She looked Anna up and down. “You look familiar. I've seen your face before, a long time ago.” A chime began to ring incessantly, growing louder with each peal. As Jake's lurch to an alert and defensive posture, Pat laughed. “It's just an alarm. I have another meeting and I wanted to give you plenty of time to get out of here.” She picked up a small plastic card and handed it to Anna. “Take this. It's a direct comlink and credit chit. I'd like to talk to you further about Shadows and other matters. Perhaps even offer you a job,” she added thoughtfully. “I could use a personal assistant.” 

 

Jake began to protest, but the senator waved him down. “Ms. Sullivan's decision, surely,” she said, closing down the discussion. Standing and going to the office door, she opened it and waved at the guard at the far end of the hallway. “You'd better go now. I'll be in touch.” As Anna slipped by her, Pat laid one hand on her arm. “I know you've just met me, but try to trust me when I say I'm on your side. His,” she nodded at Jake's retreating back, “and yours. These are perilous times, my dear. I could use someone to help me watch the gathering shadows.”

 

Anna nodded and tucked the plastic card in her shirt pocket under her jacket, and hastened after Jake.

 

**Geneva, Earth, May 2261**

 

_J-You'll be surprised to hear that I've taken another job. One that you would approve of, I think. I'd done all I could in the old position. My talents were no more use to them. I like my boss; she's tough and fair and too outspoken for her own good. Sound familiar? I was glad to hear that your partner got back okay. We don't hear much about her home here. Do you hear anything from the family? I can't really say I wish you were here, but it'd be nice to see you. A._

 

Anna's new position with Senator Crosby didn't put her in the public eye, for which she was thankful. She remained in the background, helping with the research and paperwork required of the Senatorial office. But Pat used her mainly as a resource and a sounding board. She vetted new employees and other Senators for her employer, who was building a cadre of what Pat laughingly called in private 'the loyal opposition.' Pat was used to assembling coalitions, slowly and over time, using persuasion and some good old-fashioned horse trading. She wasn't used to working in the shadows. Anna had told her boss all about the Ancient Enemy, and their history both old and new. She'd tried to be careful about revealing how she herself had come to know so much, but still she worried. The Senator was no fool. 

 

Pat had long ago discovered a concealed door inside the closet in her office. Some predecessor had undoubtedly had it made for some clandestine purpose or another. Once open, it revealed a small cubbyhole, just big enough for a chair and side table. It had a low level of illumination, carefully shaded to not show outside the secret door. Anna would sit inside when Pat entertained visitors, politicians, lobbyists, and constituents, vetting them for Shadow taint and listening, always listening. The rebellion hadn't proven very interested in the fate of the other colonies or of Babylon 5, except in as far as it would affect their battle on Earth. Anna supposed that was only to be expected. With all the travel to and colonization of the Solar System and near-space, the long-haul missions to the edge of the known universe, the distant stellar outposts promoting commerce and offering protection, most of humanity still lived their lives out on the parental rock. But EarthGov considered the colonies and outposts vital interests, and they were deeply concerned at the failure of some to come to heel.

 

The door to the office opened and instinctively she retreated to the far wall and laid her hand on the closet door. 

 

“Ann?” came the Senator's voice as the door opened. Pat Crosby entered, her suit as neat and sleek as her black hair. Her gait was quick and she closed the door behind her. “We've got company,” she said, nodding in approval at Anna's position. “You may want to listen in on this one. It's Clark himself, and he's bringing one of his PsiCorp thugs. They always remind me of spiders somehow, all that black they wear I suppose. I had some psionic dampers installed in the closet walls, but try to stay on an even keel in there. I'm told telepaths can sense strong emotion before coherent thoughts.” Anna froze for just one moment, the scurried into her hiding place at Pat's shoo-ing gesture. Her heart was pounding so loudly that she was sure it could be heard behind the walls. And she was deeply worried. If President Clark suspected Pat's involvement with the rebellion he might have her scanned, even though it remained illegal, so far, to do so without a court order. Then she recalled the national security exemption and broke out in a cold sweat.

 

“Mr. President.”

 

Anna heard the sound of chairs being pulled across the hardwood floor. One person remained standing, pacing around the room. It was probably a security guard, or the PsiCorp rep, or the both in one.

 

“Senator. I wanted to speak with you regarding this bill you've introduced, relaxing the entirely sensible and necessary restrictions we've placed upon the free media. Of course it's important for them to do their job. It's a vital part of any democracy, the record of our combined political will. But in times like these, temporary sacrifices must be made.” 

 

Anna cringed at the obsequious tone in the voice of the most powerful man on Earth. But there was another sound she heard, the taint of fear. A second voice began to speak.

 

“Sir, perhaps you should inform the Senator of the Council's decision?”

 

This voice was low and subtly forceful. Anna had the distinct impression that this voice was the source of Clark's fear. 

 

“Yes. Of course.” Clearing his throat, Clark stated firmly. “The EarthGov Legal Council has ruled that due to the temporary state of emergency, it is within my power to continue the restrictions. There is nothing the Senate can do, and the bill has been taken off the Senate agenda.” Anna realized in shock that the buzz and heat she was beginning to feel indicated one or both of the visitors had been in contact with the Shadows. From the growing strength of the indicators the contact hadn't been fleeting.

 

Anna could almost hear the sparks in her boss's voice. “With all respect, sir, you can't do that. It's against all protocol for the executive to interfere in the working of the Senate.”

 

“I can, Senator, and I have,” Clark replied. Anna thought he sounded more confident now, and wondered if it was due to the presence of the other man. Though why the President would need bucking up from a PsiCorp flunkie she couldn't imagine. She could hear chairs scraping back and footsteps approaching her hiding place along with the murmured sounds of coldly polite departures. The chime of a com halted the sounds, and Anna heard the Senator say, “Excuse me,” and walk back towards her desk. 

 

The two men paused outside Anna's closet. She could hear their voices, just barely, and she strained to catch their exchange.

 

“She will submit, for now. But you are right to suspect her. Her thoughts are shielded but she is clearly hiding something.”

 

“Is she allied with the traitors, do you think?” The President's voice reeked of paranoia, which kicked into overdrive when he added in a hoarse whisper, “Or even the alien races?”

 

“She has no history of outreach to alien governments. But it seems likely she knows people in the rebellion. Who knows how far that conspiracy has spread? Mars has been subdued under martial law, but the resistance is still a problem, Proxima must be dealt with soon, and Babylon 5...” A grim tone entered Clark's voice. “They are isolated, but remain a powerful symbol.”

 

“Sheridan is the key, and we have the key to Sheridan,” declared the telepath with a dark confidence that made Anna shudder and strain to hear everything she could.

 

“Not yet,” replied Clark. “But we will.”

 

Anna was thinking hard through the return of Senator Crosby to her visitors, the studiously polite good-byes, and the final closing of the door. She didn't move even when the door to her hiding place opened, and her employer stuck her head in the door and said abruptly, “Come out here, I need you.”

 

Standing slowly, using her hands to steady herself against the walls of the narrow space as she exited, Anna walked towards the desk and took her customary seat. Her mind was racing, sifting through possibilities.

 

“What are the President's plans for Babylon 5?” Anna asked, giving up on approaching the subject discreetly.

 

“I'm not sure,” replied Pat. “The embargo has hit them hard, but they've managed to work around it with the support of the other races. They're starting to get their message out, and it's possible they will form the nucleus of the rebellion in the outer colonies.” She had circled around the desk to take a seat behind it. Leaning forward, her elbows on the desktop, fingers interlaced, she examined Anna. “Is that why you took this job, Anna? To find out EarthGov's position on Babylon 5?”

 

Anna shook her head. In all honesty, it was not the reason; at least it had not been a conscious reason. Then her mind slotted in what Pat had called her. Raising her head to meet the Senator's eyes, kind but wary, she simply asked, “How long have you known?”

 

“Your identicard is a very good forgery, but DNA doesn't lie. I managed to get a sample soon after you started work, and had it run by a private service.” She leaned back in her chair, crossing her long elegant legs as she did so. “Anna Sheridan, back from the dead.”

 

Anna shivered inwardly. “That's more true than you know.” She added, “Except for who I am, everything I've told you is true. About the Shadows and the war and my abilities, about what I'm doing here.”

 

Pat looked at her for a long moment, then nodded her head as if coming to a decision. “All right. I believe you. What did you sense from those two?”

 

Anna answered bluntly, “They're both Shadow-touched, one more than the other, although I'm not sure which. If President Clark has been working with, or for, the Shadows, it explains a good deal. Their goal was to foment distrust and war, and xenophobia is an excellent tool. His policies effectively kept Earth out of the larger war as it raged across the galaxy.”

 

Pat considered this. “Clark has always been paranoid about alien influences. He's a modern-day isolationist.” She leaned forward and pinned Anna with her direct gaze. “Is there any basis to his fears? We've been crowding some of the other races out there, and Babylon 5's peace mission seems to have been aborted after the Narn-Centauri conflict. Clark hailed it as a peaceful end to centuries of distrust...the peace of the grave, from what I've heard.”

 

Anna shook her head. “I literally only know what I've read in the papers. I lost three years to the Shadows, and the war was short-lived. From what I've read and what I've been told, it was horrific. The destruction of most of the Narn infrastructure and the incredible loss of life is only part of it. The dust and debris caused by the use of mass drivers have brought on major climate change. It may take eons to bring Narn back to self-sufficiency.” She shuddered. “According to Delenn, the Shadows gave their aid to the Centauri. That's why it all happened so fast and was so terribly brutal. They were nothing if not efficient.”

 

Pat sat a moment in silence. “That's Ambassador Delenn you're referring to, correct? How did you come to know her?”

 

“She was my first friend on the station,” replied Anna. “She's an extraordinary person, kind and open...loyal and fiercely intelligent. She and John assembled an army to fight the Shadows. I still don't know how they did it. It was larger and more diverse than the alliance we assembled to fight the Dilgar.”

 

“Does she have undue influence over Captain Sheridan? Are his interests still those of Earth's?” probed Pat.

 

“Influence yes, undue no. And John loves Earth. He'll fight to save it, although there are those who won't agree with his targets or his methods,” Anna shot back.

 

Pat held up both hands. “Okay, I get that you think he's on our side. And a good thing too,” she mused. “We need at least part of EarthForce behind us or this rebellion is dead from the start.” She sighed deeply and started to shuffle the files on her desk. “Do you have a means of communication with Babylon 5 and Captain Sheridan?”

 

Anna paused, but only for a moment. “I do, but it's not regular and there are no guarantees of delivery.”

 

“All right,” replied Pat. “I have my own conduits of information.” She looked at Anna with an odd expression. “You might want to know. There's something going on with the Minbari Federation, or their homeworld at least. We don't have an ambassadorial presence there any more, not since the disappearance of Ambassador Sinclair. Which the Minbari never satisfactorily explained, by the way.” She gave Anna a piercing glance, then shook her head. “No, I suppose you don't know anything about that. Before your time, in a way,” she added with a wry smile. “We still maintain a consulate there, mainly for trade issues and such. The staff there manages to get some news out through diplomatic channels. It looks very much as if the Minbari are gearing up for a civil war. Do you know anything about that?”

 

Anna blanched. The last message she had gotten from John flashed through her mind.

 

_A—Yes, D has left again. Chasing down some reports of mischief around her old place. I wouldn't worry, she knows how to take care of herself. We've got many plans right now. Your new job sounds interesting. By all means, remember me to your boss. Love—J_

 

The Rangers were the most tight-lipped group she had ever known, but she had gotten the distinct impression they were uneasy. That last messenger had hesitated over her most recent letter to Delenn, even going so far as to indicate it might take a while to deliver it. Anna had thought at first she meant the difference in distance between Earth and Babylon 5, and Earth and Minbar, but the woman had shaken her head when Anna ventured that as a reason. She merely indicated that Entil'zha would likely be on Minbar for a while, but gave no clear indication why. “No,” Anna finally answered after a long silence. “I don't know anything about that.”

 

“Well, I'll let you know the news as it comes in, if you'll do the same,” suggested Pat. “We each have our sources, it seems. And I'll see what I can find out about Clark's plans for Babylon Five.”

 

When Anna got back home, to a small apartment which the Senator had found for her just outside of the diplomatic sector of Geneva, she hurried to scrawl a quick note to John.

 

_Dear J—My boss was glad to hear that you are doing well. She drug that whole story of how we met out of me! I gather D is gone for a while; that must be hard on you. My boss knows some people out there and says things are not going that well. I hope D is all right. She is also keeping an ear out for opportunities for you back here! Send my love to L when you can. I don't have any way to contact her and I'm getting a bit anxious for news._

 

The last day of May Pat called Anna into the office and shut the door. “I have some potentially bad news. From Minbar.”

 

Anna sat down in the chair before the desk abruptly as the color fled her face. “Is it Delenn?”

 

Pat nodded, and took her normal seat. “We've had a report from the embassy. They've been holed up there ever since the war reached the capital. There are reports the war has ended.”

 

“That's good, right?” asked Anna shakily. “And Delenn? What news there?”

 

“There is some. She was definitely involved in the resolution of the conflict, but the report says she was injured somehow.” Pat leaned forward, clasping her hands and resting them on the desk. “Badly injured, the report said. Burns of some kind.”

 

“Was Lennier with her, did the report say?” asked Anna. “Her aide?”

 

“I have no idea,” replied Pat, surprise in her voice. “Why do you ask?”

 

“If he was there, nothing that bad could have happened to her. He wouldn't let it.” Anna tried to sound confident, searching for a solid surface to place her hope. “Thank you for telling me. I'll see what I can find out.”

 

_J-Have you heard any news from D? I heard she was hurt._

 

Anna stopped writing and put her head in her hands. How crazy was this situation getting? She was frantic to find out what had happened to her husband's lover, and quizzing him in one of their few opportunities to communicate. 

 

_I am going to be traveling this summer and will be in touch as I can. Our mutual friends assure me they can find me anywhere. Let's keep each other informed of what news we hear._

 

Sighing, Anna set down the pen. This form of communication was proving wholly inadequate. She was tired of hiding her feelings, tired of running from who she was, or who she was going to be. There were moments she woke in her narrow bed, her body pressed up against the wall seeking the warmth of her husband. Senator Crosby was taking her on the campaign trail. They'd be gone all summer. The Senator's home district was in the Mountain West of the old United States, an area Anna wasn't familiar with, and that was probably just as well. That was another thing she was tired of-- living in fear of running into someone from her past life, of having to explain why she was alive.

 

**Denver, Colorado, NorthAmerican Federation, Earth, August 2261**

 

The clinking of champagne glasses underlaid the chatter of the chattering classes. Journalists and politicians, upper-level military and business persons, all mingled and mixed like the rising bubbles. Anna kept to the shadows, enjoying the champagne, but wary of the carefully casual atmosphere. Pat was in the middle of everything, laughing and holding a drink she only occasionally sipped. Currently she was occupied with an older man in an EarthGov uniform. Anna sighed and slipped along the wall. It had been a long few months. The area formerly known as the United States had six Senators representing it in Geneva. They weren't chosen specifically from different territories; the vote was federation-wide. Regulations set the number of elected senators at six from the former United States, three from Canada, and one from Mexico. Senator Crosby campaigned across the Federation, but returned to her home base often for fund-raising, and now, to reach out to those she knew best, sounding out their views on the Clark administration. It was dangerous work, and only Anna knew how tight a rope Pat was walking.

 

“You hiding out here, too?”

 

The voice came from an alcove hidden behind a thick red curtain. Anna peered into the dim corner and saw an attractive young black woman in a stunning green dress, with a draped bodice and calf-length skirt. She had a tall glass of clear liquid, and gestured to the window seat. “I get so tired of these dog-and-pony shows, don't you?”

 

Anna smiled politely, then lapsed into a grin as she sat down thankfully next to the other woman. “I'm kind of new to them myself. Sounds like you've been on this merry-go-round before.”

 

“The last year or so I've been standing in for my Mom at these official functions. She's not been well, and Dad likes to have someone accompany him to these things. He hates them as much as I do but it's part of his job to deal with the politicos.”

 

“Your father? Which one is he?” Anna looked out over the crowd of well-dressed and influential people.

 

“That's him. General Richard Franklin, he's with Senator Crosby.” The woman pointed at Anna's boss.

 

“Well, I work for the Senator,” began Anna, then she stopped short, staring at the grey-haired man with a no-nonsense expression as he listened intently to what seemed fervent appeal from Pat. “Wait, did you say General Franklin?”

 

“That's my Dad,” replied the other woman, twirling the stem of her glass between her long fingers. “I'm daughter #4, Sophie by name. And you are?” she questioned.

 

“Ann Sullivan,” replied Anna quickly. “Administrative assistant and general dogsbody,” she added quickly. Tearing her gaze away from Pat and the general, she examined Sophie. “I don't suppose you have a brother who's a doctor?”

 

“You know Stephen?” replied Sophie eagerly, an excited flush rising to her cheeks. “I haven't seen him in years! How is he? When did you see him? Was it on Babylon 5 or here on Earth?”

 

Anna laughed, and held up one hand. “Hold on, hold on. I saw Dr. Franklin on the station, yes. Six or seven months ago. He saved my life in fact.” The laughter stilled as she reiterated the sentiment, “He did save me, literally. He's a good man, and a good friend.”

 

Sophie nodded, smiling. “That's my brother. I miss him. We correspond semi-regularly, but I haven't seen him in years. Dad saw him out there a couple of years ago. I think they came to some sort of understanding. At least Stephen got back in touch with Mom after that.”

 

Anna looked at her quizzically. “What stopped him before that?”

 

Sophie looked away, embarrassed. “Oh, he and Dad never saw things eye to eye. Mom understood, but she still backed Dad up. Dad wanted Stephen to follow him into the military. Stephen did, of course, but he did it his way, getting his medical degree first, then entering the officer corp. It never made any sense, Sheba's a colonel now, teaching at the Academy, and Sigrid's married to a major. She's a lawyer. Sonja's in the outer systems with the Space Marines. You'd think that would be enough Army for any family.”

 

Anna laughed again, “Your parents must have liked the letter 'S'. Is it a family tradition?”

 

Sophie shook her head. “Our names were my mom's choices. She's a historian, and wanted to name her girls after queens and warriors. It was Dad's job to name the boys but he only got the one. Stephen is a family name, Dad's great-grandfather.” She took a sip of the sparkling liquid in her crystal flute and added, “I'm another rebel, like Stephen in a way. I became a journalist. Worked for the Army Times for a while, but left it after some creative differences and went freelance. It also left me as the point child when Mom got sick. Easy for me to adjust my schedule, move home and do a little freelance work to keep my hand in. I didn't realize these social functions were to be part of my duties. Frankly, I think Mom was just as glad to give up this part of her job.”

 

Anna's smile slipped a moment. Sophie was so open and friendly. Anna didn't dare reciprocate with any personal details. She wasn't yet used to this undercover life; this whole trip had been incredibly stressful. Pat didn't seem to appreciate that; maybe because politicians were used to presenting a facade to the world. “I knocked around quite a bit before starting to work for the Senator,” she finally added vaguely. “It's nice to be back on Earth.”

 

“Why were you on the station with Stephen?” asked Sophie. Her smile lit up her face. Anna found it contagious and returned it. 

 

“Just passing through. I caught something, some sort of cross-species infection. He figured out what it was and got me over it with a minimum of fuss and a lot of charm. He works too hard though,” Anna added soberly. “It's a big job. There are what, a quarter of a million beings living there? Plus all the transients like me.”

 

“He was always interested in alien physiology. Dad never understood why he'd want to heal them when the military went to so much trouble to put then in the hospital.” Sophie twirled her now-empty glass between two fingers. “It's harder to get in touch since the embargo. Last time I managed a voice-only call we got cut off just after hello. Some sort of security meeting, the man was hovering in the background, I could almost hear him breathing down Stephen's neck. Still, I got the impression Stephen's involved at the command level there, a high level. It seemed odd, even with his military training.”

 

Anna knew Stephen had been involved in more military matters than Sophie could imagine. People on Earth remained largely unaware of the Shadow War. “If he was meeting with Mr. Garibaldi, I can imagine he had to run.”

 

Sophie looked briefly puzzled. “It was a Chief Allan that was waiting. At least that's what Stephen said.” She looked a bit wistful. “Stephen seems to be happy and fulfilled. I love my mom, and she needs me, but I miss my job.”

 

Anna patted Sophie's arm. “You'll get back to it, your job, that is. You've only got one mother.” It was her turn for sadness. “I miss mine every day.”

 

“How long has she been gone?” asked Sophie with sympathy.

 

“Longer than I like to remember,” answered Anna. She picked up two glasses from a passing waiter's tray and handed one to Sophie. “Let's toast mothers, yours and mine.” Privately she added John's mother Miranda, who had stood in place of her lost mother ever since Lizzie had taken Anna home during a college break.

 

Sophie raised her glass and clinked it against Anna's. They both drank, matching smiles tipping over the edges of the crystal glasses. A broad smile broke across Sophie's face as she looked over Anna's shoulder. “Here comes Dad. I imagine he's had about enough of schmoozing tonight.” The imposing man with a chest full of medals on an impeccably turned out formal uniform stopped in front of the two of them. “Hello daughter,” he rumbled in a deep bass voice. “Will you introduce me to your friend?”

 

“This is Ann Sullivan, Daddy. She works for Senator Crosby. Ann, my father General Franklin.”

 

Ann held out her hand and felt it gripped firmly. She wondered why Sophie hadn't mentioned her acquaintance with Stephen, but decided to follow her new friend's lead and not mention it. 

 

The General examined her closely but only said, “Nice to meet you.” Then he turned pointedly to Sophie and said, “Would you mind an early night? I have a lot to go over.” 

 

Sophie immediately set down her glass on a nearby table and put one hand on Anna's arm. “I enjoyed talking with you. Are you going to be in town long? Maybe we could have lunch?”

 

“I'd like that,” said Anna. “I think we're here another week. You can reach me at the Senator's office.” 

 

Sophie nodded and took her father's arm as he led her in the direction of the cloakroom. Senator Crosby approached Anna as the Franklins exited the room, pausing to speak to various dignitaries on the way out.

 

“Ann, General Franklin gave me some disconcerting news, or at least a hint of some. They're calling in all ground troops from leave, re-assigning them to Earthbase, except for those already on Mars and the Orion satellites. The real news is that there's a contingent being prepared to ship out to Proxima. The colony has been under siege by the fleet for a while now. People are getting desperate, trying to get away. But it seems like the administration is tightening the noose. The situation is explosive.” Pat's face was pale.

 

Anna choked on her initial panicked reaction, then caught her lip in her teeth. “ _Lizzie_ ,” was her first thought but the only thing she said was, “What can we do?”

 

“Not a thing,” said Pat grimly. “It's been set in motion already. We'll head back to Geneva and I'll see what I can find out. Pack up tonight. I'll arrange for the flight first thing tomorrow.”

 

**************************

 

_My dearest John, we have to find out what's happened to Lizzie. I don't think she's safe on Proxima any more. I'm not sure any one is safe anywhere any more. This situation is out of control and I wish I was there or you were here. How is all going to end? Will we ever see Lizzie again? Will I ever see you again?_

 

Anna laid her head down on the paper, a stray tear or two smudging the ink. This was one letter she would never send, not that she had been contacted by the Ranger post since her return. Pat had hustled the two of them back to Geneva and then promptly disappeared into the corridors of power in an attempt to forestall the crackdown what was coming. There was not a thing that Anna could do: to help Lizzie, to help Earth, to help herself.

 

Sweeping aside the paper, she pulled a clean sheet towards her and began once again to write. 

 

_D, my new friend, I am scared witless about my oldest friend. J's sister and I met in college, we were room-mates and best friends and she introduced me to her older brother hoping we'd get together. L is a lot like J, brave and smart. She never met a challenge she didn't run at head on. I heard a little of what happened to you out there. Please take care. I've not been blessed with many close friends and can't stand the loss of any._

 

Folding the paper into a tiny square, Anna stuffed it into the pocket of her slacks and pulled on a jacket. The nights were chilly as the summer ended. She was going to visit every mail drop she'd used in Geneva until she spotted one of those Rangers.

 

It took a few nights of wandering but finally she located a short figure in the traditional gray half-cape in a cafe on the north side of town. It was only a few hours before dawn, but Anna ordered another coffee as she took the seat next to the Ranger. Might as well; it'd keep her going; she had to be at work early that day. 

 

“Are you here long?” Anna broke the silence with the clatter of her cup on the counter top. “I need you to carry a message.”

 

The older man looked at her from under thick brows, looming like cliffs over stone gray eyes. “I'm just passing through.” He took a sip of his coffee and continued. “Mrs. A, is it? I've heard of you.”

 

Anna nodded. “That's right. I want to start up the post again. Things are happening. Important things.” She pulled out the square of paper and tapped it nervously against the rim of her cup. “This is personal, but there'll be more information, and soon. Can you set something up?”

 

The man reached over and took the paper from Anna's hand. He secreted it inside his jacket. “I'll see what I can do. Stop here day after tomorrow, around eight in the evening. Someone will be here and let you know when and where you can catch the next post.” He gulped down the rest of his drink and stood up, leaving a few coins beside his cup. “Always like to leave the tip in coins, old habit. Who's the message for then?”

 

“Entil'zha,” replied Anna shortly. He smiled and bowed slightly, then left without another word.

 

Things sped up after that. Messages passed back and forth between Anna and John on the station, and Anna and Delenn on Minbar. There was no word from Lizzie, although John had sent some Rangers in undercover on Proxima to check out the situation, which was growing grim. The populace was divided between EarthGov loyalists and rebels, and martial law had been declared. The whole planet was under embargo; the only shipments allowed in went to the loyalist government for distribution. Distribution was by no means fair and equal, and the people were becoming desperate.

 

Pat was tight-lipped about the military situation but let Anna know that things didn't look good. Anna passed the information along to John. Though Delenn seemed intent on her progress in re-building the Minbari government, Anna thought she also seemed anxious to return to the station. Anna let John know that and was amused at his awkward pleasure. It was an odd position to play, go-between for two people she loved.

 

Anna didn't know how to sort out the tangle of feelings in which she found herself. John was opening up to her, more and more, in his brief but poignant letters. The strain they'd labored under since her return was melting away in the warmth of their mutual concern for Lizzie and Delenn. Anna couldn't be sure how much John had learned of Delenn's encounter with the Starfire Wheel, but what details Pat revealed had chilled her blood. Anna agreed with John; the sooner Delenn was back on the station, safe at home, the better. 

 

The senator was due back from a meeting any minute, and Anna was keying transcriber codes into Pat's tablet, propped on the Senator's desk against a stone owl, a gift from a constituent. The Resistance had stayed in touch, and sent coded messages occasionally when they had information or wanted some. A message had arrived today by courier, and the keys later and separately by special messenger. Anna was watching the words unfold, from code to meaning, not really reading carefully, when her attention was caught by a word she recognized. _Tenasticin._

 

Leaning forward, she slid her finger across the screen to stop the transcription, then scrolled back to examine this part of the message. She hadn't got very far when Pat entered the room, a ball of controlled fury.

 

“They've done it, Anna! The troops have arrived at the jump point nearest to Proxima. The mission is to 'restore order' but there are no restrictions on how; it's left up to the field commander and he's a Clark loyalist. It's going to be ugly. The embargo's been tightened, not even passenger ships are allowed to leave now. He wants them all there, one big happy family kept in order by fear and intimidation.” Pat was walking swiftly back and forth, gesticulating with swift, sharp hand motions. 

 

Anna felt almost relieved. Clark's intentions towards Proxima were clear now. It wouldn't take long before there was an incident, and if there was an incident, John would act, she was certain of it. He would agonize over his conflicting oaths. He would strategize and work out the best plan of attack. He would prepare for anything, hoping that he would have to do nothing. But if it came down to protecting civilians, who were meant to be protected by their military, even from their own government, he would do what needed to be done.

 

Taking a moment between Pat's ranting, Anna spoke calmly. “It'll bring things to a head. John will act, and then we'll see. People will rally to him. They only need someone to set an example.”

 

“A leader,” said Pat flatly. She'd stopped pacing, but her hands remained clenched. “I thought I was doing the right thing, staying in the Senate, working to mollify Clark's rulings, remaining inside the system. Now I wish I'd left long ago! Some of us suspected Clark was involved in Santiago's death, almost from the beginning. Then Mars, Babylon 5, Orion...now Proxima? I should have pushed harder, challenged this insanity.”

 

Anna looked on with sympathy. “You did what you thought was right. And you helped many people along the way. The government is a lot more than Clark's repression, and you've helped ameliorate some of that. You're on the side of the angels, Pat.”

 

Pat had moved closer to Anna, reading the decoded message over her shoulder. At Anna's words, she reached out and squeezed her shoulder in gratitude. Suddenly, she said “That's odd.” 

 

“What's odd?” replied Anna, craning around Pat to see where she was pointing on the small screen.

 

“Tenasticin. It's come up before. The Drug Authority had it put on the proscribed list a few months ago. I wondered about it at the time. There's nothing dangerous about the drug. It's of alien origin, I suppose we thought it was all part of Clark's increasing xenophobia. Why's the Resistance interested?”

 

Anna's thoughts had been circling a memory, of both the recent and long past. “Pops,” she whispered, then “John. They're after John.”

 

Pat sat down behind the desk and examined Anna in her growing distress. “What do you mean?”

 

“David Sheridan, Ambassador Sheridan, John's father. He takes Tenasticin for a blood disorder. The can find him through the drug. Make it hard to get, limit the supply and it's easier to track where it goes. Eventually they'll catch up with him, and once they have him, they have a chance of coercing John.”

 

“Coercing him to do what?” asked Pat.

 

“I don't know! Give up the fight, or stay out of it? It won't work, but I can see why they think it might.” Anna was fighting back tears. “They burned the farm, Pop's been on the run for months. It's just evil, going after our family.”

 

“Civil wars are all about family,” replied Pat grimly. “Let's keep an eye on this. I'm on the Controlled Substances committee. I can request reports without too many questions being asked.”

 

“They'll be watching, Pat. If you get too curious...” Anna wrapped her arms around herself, as if the room had grown suddenly colder.

 

“I'm known for my curiosity,” laughed Pat. “I'll be careful and ask about many, many things. Tenasticin will be a tree in the forest.” Then she sobered. “How did they know? Old medical records from the Ambassador's time in EarthGov? And how can they be sure that Captain Sheridan's father is the key to his cooperation? Who knows they are that close, besides you?”

 

Anna shook her head, but a suspicion planted long ago began to thrust pale tendrils up to the surface of her mind. She spoke slowly. “It has to be someone who knows John well, and who has access to information about his father.” _Someone who routinely accesses private information, someone whose job it is to know everything about everyone. Someone in charge of security, or who had been. 'Chief Allan', Sophie had said. Whatever happened to Mr. Garibaldi?_

 

Pat nodded, but she was already reading the rest of the message, memorizing information and preparing a return message before wiping the transcript. “Get hold of the special courier. You know the one. I'll gather the data they need and get it encrypted.”

 

Anna got up briskly and left the room to make the arrangements. She also sent a quick note to Delenn asking about Garibaldi, keeping her doubts under wraps for the moment. A brief reply confirmed that the Security chief had resigned after John and Delenn's return from Corianus Six. What was less clear, was why he had resigned. Anna had felt the shadow of a Shadow in Garibaldi's mind, not direct influence but something different. Her suspicions lingered and grew. 

 

A few weeks later the news came in from Proxima. Captain Sheridan had made his move. EarthGov was in a ferment. Everyone had an opinion although many were afraid to voice it. Pat seldom left the Senate chambers or her office and Anna took to sleeping on the small couch there so she could help where she could. National security concerns kept the majority of the Senators in the dark as to war plans, but everyone knew they were in the works. The President's propaganda office was in overdrive, trying to quell the rumors. _Sheridan is coming_ , that was on everyone's lips, but whether it was said in hope or fear depended on who was speaking.

 

One evening Pat came in with a white face and tight lips. “Anna,” she said, flipping on the lights. Anna sat up, a soft grey throw sliding off the leather couch onto the floor.

 

“What is it?” Anna asked, concern quickly changing to fear. “Is Clark moving on the station?”

 

“No, it's not that. Remember that drug you, and the Resistance, asked me to keep an eye on? A report came across my desk. One I'm not sure I was supposed to see. Someone's put a tracer on every bit of that drug that is imported into Earth. I don't know who, but they say they'll have the elder Sheridan's location within the month. Of course the report referred to a 'person of interest' but that's who they meant.” She leaned on the surface of the desk, palms flat against the surface. “Clark's people are desperate now to put a brake on John Sheridan's plans, whatever they are. They need to discredit him or co-opt him or pressure him into backing down. And they think his father's the key.”

 

Anna sat very still. Her suspicions blossomed into a certainty of necessary action. “I have to leave. Now. John will walk into a trap, set by friendship and baited with family. I have to warn him.”

 

“I don't think it'll be that easy to leave Earth, and it's almost impossible to get to Babylon Five” interjected Pat in surprise. “And you need to be careful. You're another pressure point that could be brought to bear on Sheridan.” At Anna's expression of grim determination, she sighed and said, “Give me a day or two. Let me see what I can do.”

 

Anna thought privately that the Rangers would find a way for her to reach the station, but all she said aloud was, “Thank you.”

 

The Ranger she contacted actually advised her to take commercial transport, at least as far as Io. There she would pick up an escort who would take her roundabout to the station. Pat set up her flights, giving her diplomatic credentials for a fact-finding tour of the outer system. It took two agonizing weeks. Anna tried writing, giving John warning, but the message didn't get through. Besides, she knew him too well. John made friends rarely but kept them close in his heart, and he considered Michael Garibaldi a friend. No, to convince John that Garibaldi meant to betray him, that he was assisting in the search to capture David Sheridan, Anna had to confront her husband in person. It would take over a week to reach him.

 

Anna was three days out from the station when David Sheridan was captured and taken to Mars. When she arrived on Babylon 5, John was already gone.

 


	11. What the World Needs

 

_10/20/2261_

 

Anna arrived at the station at midday, and went straight to C&C upon her arrival. She badgered the Security guard stationed at the entrance to the command center to let her pass. Stiff and straight, her fiery temper barely under control, she demanded to see the Commander, now, right away, and refused to tell her business. Finally she was ushered into the small room off the central area that served as John's secondary office. Susan Ivanova sat behind the desk, rapidly reading and signing a stack of papers and films and occasionally making notes on a tablet. Her uniform was clean and neat, every hair was in place, but Anna saw signs of strain in the lines on her face, which etched a path across the high forehead and along the sides of her mouth, lips pale behind a slash of Susan's usual dark lipstick. Anna waited only a moment before dropping her bag, leaning forward on the desk and launching into her story, laying out all her fears and suspicions and disjointed bits of information. Upon her arrival she'd asked for John and been told that he had left the station. She wanted, needed, desperately to know where he had gone.

 

“So, is he off on maneuvers with the White Star fleet, leading a strike against a squad of heavily-armed raiders, or doing anything a hell of a lot more safe than going after his father?” Anna's impetuous flow of words ended on a pleading note.

 

Susan hadn't spoken a word during the other woman's impassioned recital. “Are you finished?” she asked coldly. Then she sighed, rubbed her right temple, and gestured to the chair across the desk from her own seat. “Yes, he's gone to Mars to look for Ambassador Sheridan. And yes, it was at Garibaldi's instigation. We checked on Michael's story as best as we could. He hadn't been in contact with EarthGov, at least not directly, not that we could tell. I told John, hell, I begged him, not to go...maybe if Delenn had been here...” Susan broke off and flushed slightly. “Or you, of course. Someone who could talk some sense into the man.”

 

Anna sat silent in the padded chair, struck motionless with a sick doubt that John would have listened. True, she could have pulled out examples of when his impulsiveness had not ended well in the past, but she didn't know if it would have worked this time, not with all that had happened, and not with his father's life at stake. “All right,” she finally said, tamping down her fear, concentrating on what could be done. “What are you doing about it? Is someone following him in? The Rangers or someone?”

 

Susan's mouth tightened into a thin red line. “He insisted on no one going with him, or after him.”

 

“And you _listened_ to him?” shot back Anna. Then she inhaled slowly, trying to maintain a modicum of calm. “I suppose you have to follow orders. What about Delenn? Does she know about this? She could send someone to back John up, or to bring him home.” She leaned forward eagerly. “Is she back yet? The last I heard she was about done on Minbar and was heading here as soon as she could get away.”

 

“Flight plan says she's due in today,” said Susan. The door behind Anna had opened while they were speaking, and a lieutenant in uniform was standing straight and still, but exuding anxiety and not concealing an urgent need to speak to his CO. Susan glanced from him to Anna, and said, “I have a lot to do, Dr. Sheridan. Would you excuse me?”

 

Anna knew a dismissal when she heard it, and left, cursing the time wasted in the brief and unproductive meeting with Ivanova. There had to be something that could be done; some way to subvert the trap that lay ahead of John on Mars. Damn Garibaldi and damn Clark and damn them all! In her past life, she'd always prided herself on staying out of politics. She'd work with any government or private agency that would help her add to Earth's knowledge of the galaxy. And there had been a more or less stable world government on Earth for as long as she could remember. Even through first contact, the wars, and close-fought elections; the government had retained credibility. Not any more, not for her.

 

Fuming as she walked, she kept circling back to her ineffectiveness. She'd uncovered no more than a handful of Shadow agents on Earth, although one at least was either Clark or his PsiCorp liaison. And really, how did that help? The Shadows were gone, the fight was between her fellow humans now. There was no alien threat, no alien menace to face. The threat now came from within; the threat wore the face of a friend. And after all her effort she had been too late. She had been too late to warn John.

 

Stifling her despair with the urgent need to act, she hastened towards Delenn's quarters, hoping that her friend was already there. The doorlock disengaged and the door slid open on her pronouncement of her name. Inside she found Lennier.

 

“You're back!” said Anna eagerly. “Where's Delenn? I have to talk to her.” She paced around the combined living and kitchen space, darting glances at the bedroom. She dropped the small carryall she'd toted all the way from Earth. My life in one bag, she thought grimly. Then she thought again, what do I need to carry things around for? My memories, such as they are, my thoughts, my knowledge, are too big for a bag in any case.

 

“Delenn is in MedLab with Dr. Hobbs. She met us at the docking bay and insisted Delenn accompany her, on the Captain's orders. I came ahead to prepare her rooms.” He gestured around him with a slight ironic smile. “Not that any preparation is needed. Delenn brought little with her. She seldom does when we go home.” The smile faded briefly, “Perhaps that is because her home is here now.”

 

“Perhaps it is,” replied Anna, striving for a gentle tone although her heart was still racing. Lennier looked lost without Delenn in the foreground. “It's good to have a home. I've never had one of my own. I lived with my parents until they were killed, then my aunt and uncle, then I went away to college, moving from one rental unit to another. John and I never had a home. The closest place was probably John's parents' farm, where we first met.” Her voice caught, stumbled, and blurred, “That's gone now, too. They burned it to ashes, trying to get at John through his parents.”

 

“I am sorry,” replied Lennier sincerely.

 

“Was Delenn badly hurt on Minbar?” asked Anna. Lennier indicated that she should take a seat, so she did, hoping that it wasn't because he thought she would need one. “I heard a little about what happened from Senator Crosby. But Delenn said nothing in her letters.”

 

“She would not want to worry you,” replied Lennier. He was moving around the apartments, making slight adjustments to small sculptures and pieces of glass that didn't seem to need it. “She went into the fire to save our world.”

 

“And you pulled her out?” put in Anna. “I told Pat there was no real danger if you were there. That you wouldn't let anything happen to her.”

 

Lennier sat down abruptly, his face stricken. “I did nothing. Nothing but obey. It was her choice to enter and her choice to stay. It was Neroon who sacrificed himself to save her.”

 

“But why would you let her do such a thing, Lennier? I thought...” Anna stared at him, but her quick sympathy at his obvious agitation stopped the sentence short. In an attempt at comfort, she added, “All that matters is that she's okay. How long do you think she'll be in MedLab?”

 

Lennier's answer was cut short as the door opened and Delenn walked in. Anna jumped up but stood still, caught between joy and fear. Delenn walked swiftly over to Anna and embraced her. Anna hugged her back but let go when she felt her friend wince slightly at her touch.

 

“Are you all right? What did the doctor say?” Anna found herself distracted by Delenn's obvious discomfort.

 

“I am fine, as I just finished telling Dr. Hobbs, over and over, for the last thirty minutes.” Delenn laughed. She backed up a bit, just enough to get a good look at Anna. “But why are you here? I thought you were working with the Senator in the interests of Earth? Were you not content?” Warm concern flooded her voice. “Has something happened? Not that I am unhappy to see you, but...”

 

Anna choked on the confession of her most recent unsuccessful mission. “I came back to warn John, but I was too late.”

 

Delenn's face paled and set in careful lines. “I heard as soon as I arrived that he had already left.”

 

“It's a trap. They've been working on finding Pops for months, and now they have him, and they're going to use him to lure John into a trap. I'm certain of it. And it was Garibaldi, it had to be. Garibaldi told them, about the Tenasticin, about John's love for his father, he was the only one who knew all of it, even if he wasn't working for EarthGov directly, John will end up having who knows what done to him, they'll want him to talk, to recant...” Anna found herself babbling, in sheer relief at having someone to talk to who cared as much as she did, but her voice slowed as she saw the import of her words on Delenn. “I talked to Ivanova already, she said she couldn't do anything. Orders. But you can, can't you?”

 

Delenn was standing quite still, arms at her sides. She said, picking out the words in painful tones, “I, too, have my orders. John sent me a message before he left the station. I got it en route. He asked me to stay here, to assist Susan, even stand in for her if it came to that. To continue the work on our current projects. There are many events in progress at this moment, and the co-ordination is delicate, and difficult. My presence here is required.”

 

Anna felt her heart sink and rise like a car on a zero-g coaster. “So you can't do anything because it might jeopardize your plans. Of course the idiot is jeopardizing those plans himself by haring off after Pops. This is what happens when you marry a big goddamned hero!”

 

Delenn smiled faintly at this, but her face remained pale. “I suppose it is one of the hazards,” she ventured.

 

Anna's cheeks burned as she recalled a ring in a drawer, and how close Delenn had come to being the wife in question. Forcing her voice into quieter tones, she returned to her main concern. “What are we going to do?”

 

“We will do the hardest thing in the world. We will wait.” Delenn put one hand out and took one of Anna's in her own. “Together.”

 

_10/21/2261_

 

Anna spent most of the next day attempting to arrange for a trip back to Mars. It wasn't going to be easy without the Rangers' help and she didn't think Delenn would approve. She had gone to MedLab to see if she could talk to Stephen but found he had left the station a couple of weeks ago. Dr. Hobbs hadn't given her any details except that he was gone. It seemed clear from the timing that it was important and something to do with John's 'project'. Anna figured Stephen was assisting with John's plan to liberate Earth. It infuriated her that John had put everything he had been working for at risk. He should have sent someone else to help his father. Garibaldi must have said John had to come himself. It was like a bad gangster vid. “Come quickly, and come alone.” She could even hear it said in Mr. Garibaldi's clipped tones.

 

After giving up on her attempts to get back off the station, at least for the moment, Anna returned to her shared quarters and puttered. She emptied and re-packed her carryall with clothes she'd left behind on the station when she had fled to Earth. They had all been laundered and hung carefully in the bedroom closet. John must have arranged for it, though it hurt Anna's heart hurt to see how he had arranged the storage with open space between his uniform and casual shirts and pants and her tailored jackets and fitted shirts, loose blouses and tunics, as though he had continued to mark their separation. Finishing her packing, she zipped the container closed and patted it. She wanted to be ready if one of her feelers bore fruit and she was able to get back to her home system. Stuffing her worn clothes into the hamper, she set the notice on the com for laundry pick-up and settled onto the couch in an attempt to read. Soon she fell asleep, exhausted and tormented by evil dreams and unanswerable questions.

 

Later that afternoon after she awoke unrefreshed, she found her steps taking her towards Delenn's quarters again. It was better than staying in John's quarters, where every item gave evidence of his presence, and where the silence she fled was not so loud as the silence of his absence. Besides, he had rotten taste in novels.

 

When Anna reached Delenn's quarters, she hit the door chime, spoke her name, and entered without waiting to see who was inside. Lennier and Delenn were in the dining area off the small kitchen. From their attitudes, a somewhat heated discussion had been going on. Lennier stood stiff, with both arms at his sides. Delenn was seated in a tall silver chair, hands flat on the table. A tube lay on its side on the table between them. There were also several folded slips of paper, thick in the center as if they held something within.

 

Anna wasn't sure what to say but her capacity for civil conversation was tapped out. “What's going on?” she demanded, looking from one Minbari to the other.

 

Lennier continued his stiff stance, edged almost with disapproval. Delenn tore away her glare and fastened a softer glance at Anna. “Nothing of importance. Lennier has duties that will take him away this evening. Perhaps you would join me for dinner?”

 

Lennier bowed to Anna and spoke over Delenn's head to her. “It is no trouble if you care to stay. I have already prepared Delenn's evening repast, and there is more than enough for two.” Observing Anna's glance at the materials on the table, he continued dogmatically. “Delenn has some medication prescribed by Dr. Hobbs. There is some evidence of infection, which the medication will address.” He glanced sideways at Delenn. “If it is taken, of course.”

 

Anna almost laughed at Lennier's subtle attempts to enlist her support, but his obvious concern forestalled her mirth. “I would certainly encourage Delenn to follow doctor's orders,” she said solemnly. “I look forward to dinner. I'm sure it will be enjoyable.” Lennier bowed again in acknowledgment of this courtesy, and walked swiftly towards the door.

 

Anna collapsed into the chair opposite Delenn. “What was that all about? You have an infection? I thought you had recovered from your injuries?” Looking closer at her friend, she noticed a sheen of perspiration on her forehead, where the dark bangs clung to damp skin.

 

“There was some fever earlier, but it has subsided. Dr. Hobbs worries excessively, a habit she seems to have inherited from her predecessor.” Delenn picked up a tall crystal glass of water and drained it. She touched the folded paper and a few white crystals leaked out of one end. “This is to forestall the possibility of infection.” She flicked the tube which rolled towards Anna. “This is for pain, to be applied as needed. It also will reduce any scarring.”

 

“Scarring?” asked Anna with concern. “That sounds serious.” She picked up one of the papers and looked at the script along the side. “Take with...water?” She pointed at the last set of symbols. “I don't think it's water. What does it say? My Minbari is still pretty rudimentary.”

 

“You are learning my language?” Delenn flushed with pleasure. She indicated the accenting symbol before the last word on the paper. “It says to take with hot liquid, tea or coffee, broth perhaps. It is more effective that way I suppose. The doctor gave me one dose in Medlab this morning, and this one to take after the noon meal. Then two a day for three more days.” She shrugged, “The fever has broken in any case.”

 

“No harm in finishing the prescribed course though, is there?” said Anna, rising and entering the small kitchen area. She looked about and located what looked like a kettle, a stylized set of interlocking triangles made of bright silver metal, consisting of a base, a large container with a tight black lid, and a handle. Turning it around and around she found what looked like a plug that fit a slot in the wall behind where the kettle had been situated, just above the counter. Taking off the lid she filled the device with water and fitted it into the power outlet. Delenn had come up behind her and was taking down cups and a silver canister of tea from the cupboards. Anna took her by the shoulders and walked her back to the chair. “You should sit down. Whether you're over the fever or not, you've been through an ordeal. And John's recent antics certainly aren't helping.” She walked back over to pick up the cups. Her hands shook slightly, rattling them together.

 

Delenn sat in her chair, a surprised look on her face. Observing Anna's agitation, she said gently, “His 'antics' are not helping you either.”

 

“I'm all right,” said Anna without turning around. She bit her lips to stop them quivering, then gathered up the rest of the supplies and brought them to the table.

 

Delenn set out the service and poured the water into a squat and square silver pot, then added a few spoonfuls of silvery grey leaves. Anna leaned over and inhaled the fragrant vapor. “What is it?”

 

“Senn'tha,” replied Delenn. “It is calming, and opens the mind to new possibilities. It is a favorite of John's...” She broke off in confusion.

 

Anna opened the packet of medicine and emptied it into the cup in front of Delenn. “You can say his name in front of me. We both love him, that's the simple fact of the matter.” She pushed the cup lightly in Delenn's direction. “Drink up.”

 

Delenn obediently drank, and made a slight face. “It is a horrible tasting substance. Dr. Hobbs gave it to me in coffee this morning, which at least had the benefit of tasting even worse than the medication.”

 

Anna laughed and took a sip from her own cup. She made an approving sound. “This tea is quite unusual. I like it though. Best drink yours down so you can have some more, without the nasty additive.”

 

The two women sat quietly drinking tea for several more minutes. Finally the silence grew loud and both spoke at once, then both hastily apologized and all was quiet again.

 

Delenn took a moment to examine Anna's white taut face. A brave smile was perched on her friend's lips and Delenn appreciated the effort it must cost. She set down her cup and gestured towards the living room. “Come. Let us be more comfortable.” She placed the teapot and their cups on a silver tray and stood up, clutching the back of the chair to steady herself. Anna rose swiftly and picked up the tray, walked to the living room and put it down, then came back and put an arm around Delenn.

 

“Come on,” Anna said, and led Delenn to the sofa. She sat down next to her and leaned back into the cushions with an exhausted sigh. “Why is that doing nothing is so tiring?”

 

“Have you done nothing today?” asked Delenn.

 

Anna blushed. “I spent a good amount of the morning down on at the docks, checking on flights. Then I fell asleep reading.”

 

Delenn laid one hand on her arm as if to keep her in place. “You must not try to follow him. It is too dangerous.”

 

“I know, I know,” replied Anna. “But I need something to do. I feel like I've been doing nothing for months! Why did Lorien get so excited...well, excited for him...about my abilities when they've accomplished so little?”

 

Delenn tilted her head and examined Anna with curiosity. “What is it you feel you should be doing?”

 

“Something to help!” Anna replied with frustration, tucking one leg underneath her and turning on the sofa to face Delenn. She spoke quickly, gesticulating freely with both hands. “I don't know when I'll ever get back to my own work, so I thought I could help with John's and yours. It's my work too really, all of ours. We need to get our world back. And we need to educate the people at home in the reality of what has happened.”

 

“Of the larger war?” asked Delenn. “Do you think that is important?”

 

Anna stared. “Of course it's important. The oldest races in the galaxy devastated entire worlds in their proxy war. They killed who knows how many sentients. There's re-building to do, Earth can help, once they get their own house in order.”

 

“Will they want to help?” asked Delenn, leaning forward to pick up her cup. She cradled it in her hands, gazing into the liquid depths as if seeking answers therein.

 

“I...think so,” replied Anna hesitantly. “There's always been a strange mix of isolationism and expansionism in human culture. But yes, once the veil of xenophobia Clark has used to justify his own actions is pulled back, I think we'll want to be part of what you're building.”

 

“I hope so,” replied Delenn, swirling the tea in her cup. Biting her lip, she went on, “Without John I do not think it will happen. Susan may be able to take the fleet into battle and on to victory, but she does not have the status with your military or your people to carry them to the next step.”

 

“Which is...?” Anna questioned frankly. “I understand the need for secrecy as related to tactics, but what is the end game? What are you and John working towards?”

 

“An Alliance,” said Delenn, a fervent glow lighting her face. “An interstellar organization working for understanding and peace among all peoples.”

 

Anna whistled softly. “That's a dream all right.” Her eyes sparkled. “A dream worth fighting for.”

 

“I am glad you agree,” replied Delenn. Leaning forward, she pulled a folder of flimsies. “Let me show you some of our ideas.”

 

“Should you be showing me any of this?” Anna asked doubtfully. “I'm not bound by any command structure like Ivanova or vows like the Rangers.”

 

“I trust you,” said Delenn simply. “John trusted you. He loves you. That is enough.”

 

Anna smiled, a bit grimly, wondering at the acceptance she'd found in the other woman, when it was still up in the air whether her husband did trust her. Then she put her head next to Delenn's following her friend's enthusiastic gestures at the details outlined on the transparent files.

 

“When is Lennier returning?” Anna asked a few hours later as she stretched muscles taut with inaction, strangely reluctant to end the web of intimacy woven by their mutual revelations. Delenn was almost voiceless at this point, and was drinking cold tea to recover.

 

“I do not know,” replied Delenn, setting down the cup. “There is much to do, and Dr. Hobbs took up a great deal of my time today with her concerns.”

 

Anna smiled. “You are not a good patient.”

 

“On the contrary, I was quite patient.” Delenn answered with a crook of her lips.

 

“Besides,” laughed Anna. “I took up a good deal more of your time than the doctor. And for less reason.” Self-deprecation left her anxious, and she looked down at her hands, the up quickly at Delenn.

 

“This was time well spent,” answered Delenn with warm composure. She leaned forward and took Anna's hand between her own and pressed it lightly. “Time spent with a friend is always well spent.”

 

The entry chime sounded and the door opened with a swoosh as Lennier entered. He approached the table and bowed in the general direction of Anna and quite specifically at Delenn. As he made his report, carefully listing each person he had contacted, their requests and petitions, and the actions he had taken, Anna watched Delenn who listened attentively. Under her respectful demeanor Anna could see growing weariness. Finally Lennier stopped and patiently awaited further instruction.

 

Delenn gave him those further instructions and told him he could finish in the morning. Lennier shook his head and answered, “There will be more to do in the morning. I will finish this evening and report back.” He bowed to Anna. “I hope you enjoy the meal. I will return after you have eaten.”

 

Anna interrupted at this. “Save the report for the morning, Lennier. I think Delenn could use an early night.”

 

Lennier regarded Anna with surprise, then looked carefully at Delenn and reluctantly nodded. “I believe you are correct, Dr. Sheridan. I will retire after I complete my work.” He motioned towards the door. “If I might ask you something?”

 

Anna rose and followed him to the door. She glanced back at Delenn who was leaning her head into her palm, her eyes closed in seeming exhaustion. “What is it, Lennier?” she asked quietly.

 

“If you would, Dr. Sheridan, stay here tonight,” Lennier urged. “I do not like to leave her alone these days. There are memories and dreams, nightmares... of the Wheel.”

 

“I'll stay,” Anna said, laying one hand on Lennier's arm. “She took her medication; the next dose isn't due until morning. Go, and don't worry. You could use a good night's sleep too.”

 

Lennier looked at her hand, which she slowly removed, then made a deeper bow towards her than he had before. “You have my gratitude. I will see you both tomorrow.” And he made his exit, expending only one last, lingering look at his mentor.

 

After dinner, Anna insisted on cleaning up the kitchen while Delenn caught up on messages ignored during the long afternoon they'd spent talking. Wondering how on Earth she was going to fulfill her promise to Lennier, she set plates in the washer and replaced containers in the cooler. When she was done, she wandered back into the living room, observed Delenn rubbing her eyes as she tilted her head back against the back of the couch. The screen on the tablet, now flat on the table, was black.

 

“Um, Delenn? I was wondering...” Anna noted with some concern a flush on Delenn's cheeks, an indicator perhaps of returning fever. Sitting on the couch across from the chair, she wondered why this was so hard. “My quarters, John's quarters...” Finally she just threw it out. “Can I sleep here again, tonight I mean?”

 

Delenn's eyes had briefly drifted closed, but snapped open at this. Her expression was unreadable and Anna cringed. Her words had sounded odd and desperate to her own ears and she wasn't sure why. “It's like before, there's just so much _John_ there, and I'm so worried it's hard to sleep.” Now she sounded pathetic. For some reason her heart began pounding as she awaited a response.

 

“Of course you may,” replied Delenn without a note of hesitation. She held out her hands, palms up and then pressing them together said in formal tones, “My bed is yours tonight.”

 

Anna found herself at a loss for an appropriate response.

 

“On Minbar there is no intimacy beyond friendship in a shared bed,” replied Delenn, flushing. She continued with some embarrassment, “Of course it is different with your people. I meant nothing beyond a sharing of personal space, a host-gift between two friends.”

 

Words stuck for a moment in Anna's throat as she processed this offer and her own mixed reactions of pleasure and disappointment. “The couch is fine, really,” she finally got out. “As I recall, it's perfectly comfortable.” What was wrong with her tonight? It wasn't like she'd never crashed here before.

 

Delenn rose and went to her bedroom. Anna heard drawers open and close.

 

Handing a pile of soft fabric to Anna, Delenn said, “There is night apparel if you choose to change clothes before sleep. Blankets too. There are spare towels in the cupboard behind the bathroom door.”

 

Anna took the offering and laid it gently on the couch. She unfolded the blanket and spread it over the couch, doubling it so she could slip between two layers of fabric. There was a small cushion to use as a pillow. She looked at it with a sigh; she liked a large soft pillow, but they weren't used by the Minbari. Delenn was walking around the apartment, turning off lights and blowing out the candles she'd lit on the dining room table. As she walked she unfastened the brooch at the neck of her robes. Anna was sitting on the couch, removing her shoes and tucking them under the table that sat in front of the couch. Light flashed from the pin and she remarked with mild curiosity, “I've never seen you without that pin. Does it have some special meaning? Is it a badge of office?”

 

Delenn closed her hand over the ornament and turned towards Anna who sat in a pool of light from the lamp behind the couch. The last candle had been blown out and the Minbari woman was outlined in shadow.

 

“It was my mother's,” she answered. “She left it to my father to give to me, when she went away.”

 

Anna nodded in sympathy. “My parents died when I was young. I have few of their things, and most of what I have is in storage on Earth.”

 

“My mother is not dead,” replied Delenn calmly. “She followed the call to join an ancient order, one which requires the renunciation of family ties, of caste and clan.”

 

“Was it hard for you when she left?” Anna asked, turning the idea of cloistered Minbari around in her mind.

 

“Not once I understood,” answered Delenn. She had moved to the bedroom, and was removing her outer robes. “Any loss can be accepted with time and understanding.”

 

Anna removed her own outer clothes, blouse and pants, leaving her underclothes on, and placed them, neatly folded, on the low table by the couch. She put her arms through the silken sleeves of the gown Delenn had given her. The main body of the fabric was light but the tight weave was warm. It was the color of candlelight, ivory faded by age. She couldn't find any fasteners though and finally shrugged as she wrapped it tight around her body. She sat on the couch, her feet tucked into the folds of the blanket, arms wrapped around her knees. “Accepted?” she challenged, “Or grown used to? Even forgotten?” Her voice grew sad around the edges. “Sometimes when I look at pictures of my parents, I see strangers.”

 

Delenn had re-entered the living room and was standing at the foot of the couch. Her hair was loose around her and the lamp she stood above picked out the auburn highlights. “Memory is not the only place where love resides. As you move through life, you carry the living strand of your family with you. They are always there, whether you can picture their faces or hear their voices. They are part of you.” She squeezed Anna's shoulder through the thin fabric, her hand trailing down Anna's arm in a near caress. “Good night,” she said, and swiftly disappeared behind into her bedchamber.

 

******************

 

Anna was wakened by Delenn's anguished cry. “John!” The name hung in the air between them. Anna, startled from sleep, rose on both elbows and stared around her in alarm. Through the open partition leading to the bedroom, she could see Delenn, sitting upright, bedclothes twisted in hands stiff with tension, wide eyes facing the open doorway of the bedroom.

 

Anna felt a sharp bite of anxiety and threw off the light blanket. She held the thin Minbari shift closed as she groped for her folded pile of clothes on the table. Peering around the living area, she could see nothing moving in the dim light, there or beyond the frosted glass partition. She looked back at Delenn, whose eyes remained unfocused and large as if she could see something, something at the edge of awareness, something she dreaded to see. Anna stumbled across the room, dropped her clothes on the floor by the bed and sat beside Delenn, taking the other woman in her arms, instinctively shielding her from the unknown threat. Delenn clung to her but continued to stare at the door. Anna felt the warmth from the other woman blaze against her bare skin, thin silk transmitting every trembling movement.

 

Then the outer door snicked open and light from the hallway illumined the figure of a Minbari, presumably Lennier, who rapidly approached the bedroom.

 

Lennier's voice was calm, but his whole demeanor screamed of danger. “There is a problem,” he announced abruptly, “with the Captain.”

 

Delenn threw herself out of bed, reached inside the bathroom door to pull out a robe which she quickly pulled on. She swept from the room, gesturing at Anna to follow.

 

Anna felt suddenly chilled by the loss of the Delenn's warm body and looked down at her gown which was gaping open. Shrugging it off her shoulders, she pulled on her shirt and buttoned it up rapidly to the point of semi-respectability. Tugging on her pants, she looked around for her shoes, then hurried out of the bedroom, realizing they would still be by the couch where she'd left them. Coming up behind Delenn, she put one hand on her shoulder, both to steady herself and offer support. “What happened?” she demanded of Lennier.

 

Lennier's eyes slid over Anna as if avoiding what her presence in Delenn's bedroom might portend, and then his gaze settled back on Delenn who was staring at him in open terror. Deep concern etched furrows along both sides of his mouth. “Captain Sheridan is believed to be in the power of the Earth government. No announcement has been made, but his capture was witnessed by reliable members of the Mars rebellion.” He drew a deep breath, as if in pain, and continued. “Mr. Garibaldi was there when he was taken.”

 

“I knew it!” exploded Anna in fury. “Whether he was doing it for EarthGov or the highest bidder, the bastard set John up!” She paced around the room, hands balled into fists. “I wish I could get my hands on him. I knew I felt some Shadow taint on him, not enough to tell anyone and who would have believed me anyway?” She fell into a chair and put one hand over her eyes. “God, we have got to get John out of this!”

 

Delenn stood silent, hands still at her side. Finally she spoke, “I must speak with Susan.”

 

“Commander Ivanova anticipated this and is waiting for you in the small conference room off C&C,” Lennier answered precisely.

 

Anna jumped up but Delenn held up her hand and said gently, “You must stay here. Susan will want to examine how this affects our plans, and she is adamant they remain known to as few people as possible. I will return as soon as I can.” Delenn re-entered the bedroom to dress.

 

Lennier remained standing; obviously he meant to accompany Delenn to her meeting. Anna felt snubbed. “Sit down, Lennier,” she snapped. “Do you know any more? Has there been any reports about John's father? Is he on Mars?”

 

“There are some indications that Ambassador Sheridan was brought there as well...to act as, what is the word? Bait?” replied Lennier. He moved hesitantly towards one of the straight silver chairs in the dining area and perched on the edge of the seat, hands folded in his lap. He looked up at Anna, then down again quickly.

 

Anna looked down and saw she'd missed a button. Reddening, she shifted in the chair, slid the fastening home and tugged her shirt into position, sitting up a little straighter. Odd how hard it was to feel dignified in bare feet. “How did she know?” she mused aloud. At Lennier's quizzical look, Anna went on, “Delenn knew. Before you came into the room. She called out John's name, and she looked so afraid.”

 

Lennier spoke slowly. “I do not understand the bond between them. But it is strong. And the Universe has many ways of speaking to those it has chosen.” His voice trailed off in sadness.

 

Anna felt a rush of sympathy. “It'll all work out, Lennier. The Universe won't let them down.”

 

Lennier rose as the bedroom door opened and Delenn strode out in full ambassadorial regalia. Anna thought she looked beautiful, regal and proud, and coldly determined. The Universe had better watch itself, she thought in admiration.

 

Delenn shot her a warm look of silent thanks and asked, “Will you be here when I return?”

 

“Always, if you want me,” replied Anna, smiling back.

 

_ 10/22/ 2261 _

 

The day after the news arrived of John's capture on Mars, Anna rose early and went to the early service in the main station chapel. She was still sleeping on Delenn's couch, by mutual wish and for mutual support. Anna had been raised a Methodist, the sort of intermediate practical religion favored by her aunt and uncle. They had taken her to church every Sunday, attended her confirmation as a teenager, and then left her alone to form her own beliefs.

 

The quiet of the chapel after the early congregants had left calmed her jolted nerves. John had arranged a VIP link for her which she had recovered from his quarters where she'd abandoned it when she left for Earth. Delenn had promised to notify her the instant any news came in from Mars. The tall candles in chest high metal holders along the wall gave off the familiar scent of beeswax—though she supposed the candles were synthetic. That led her into vague consideration of the source of Minbari candles, which often seemed the main form of illumination in Delenn's quarters. Did they have bees on Minbar? Had they at one time, perhaps in the distant past? Or did they rely on synthetics like most of the other races? The outlines of a short research article took shape in her mind, and she was startled to hear her name called.

 

“Dr. Sheridan?” The voice was mellow, deep with cheerful undertones.

 

“Brother Theo!” exclaimed Anna. She rose to her feet and impulsively embraced the priest, who reminded her of nothing more than a sarcastic Santa Claus.

 

He patted her back gently. “I heard, child. I am so sorry this has happened. Have you any news?”

 

“No,” replied Anna, hugging him harder. “No news beyond...” Then she stopped, pulled away and looked at him suspiciously. “How did you know? Commander Ivanova got word directly from the Resistance on Mars, and told Lennier, who informed Delenn, and I happened to be there...”

 

Brother Theo laid one finger aside of his nose. “I have my own sources.” He piously raised his eyes to the metal-paneled ceiling.

 

Anna laughed. “I'll just bet you do.” Sobering, she asked, “Do your sources tell you anything about John's father?”

 

Theo patted her arm. “Not yet. But he's a valuable bargaining chip they'll need to gain Captain Sheridan's cooperation. They won't harm him.”

 

Anna's temper flared. “He's more than John's relative, you know! He's important...to me.” She folded her arms around herself and stared at the ground like a sulky and forlorn child.

 

Theo led her to a pew and sat beside her. “Every person is important, an irreplaceable individual in the eyes of God.” His eyes glowed with understanding as Anna met his glance through veiled tears. “All we can do is wait, and pray, and do what we can here.”

 

“I'm back to being unemployed,” Anna tried a light laugh to accompany the words, but it came off slightly bitter.

 

Theo cocked his head to one side, and smiled. “As I recall you are familiar with databases, are you not?” He stood, held out his hand to her and helped her rise. Tucking her arm through his, he walked her to the front of the chapel. “You did good work with the refugee records. Dr. Hobbs is an excellent physician, but her record-keeping beyond patient charts is not what one would wish. Go to her, offer to help clean up those records. She'll grouse a bit, but it would be a relief for her. If you have any trouble, come to me. We have several brothers who specialize in this sort of thing.” He added mildly, “You have made friends here. It has been noted and appreciated-- your previous work with Dr. Franklin, and your support of Delenn at this difficult time. Difficult for you both, and it is to both your credit that you can find comfort in each other.”

 

“I'll give Medlab a try,” said Anna, not knowing exactly how to respond to this. “Thank you, for the kind words and for the recommendation.”

 

On her arrival at MedLab her offer of help was greeted by Dr. Hobbs with half an ear and initial doubt. Anna persisted, and Dr. Hobbs grudgingly agreed to let her try her hand, ensconcing her in the central glass-walled office that served Dr. Franklin when he was there. Anna could see the point where she the records she'd kept on Epsilon 3 had ended; it was followed by erratic entries, some un-dated, most incomplete. The original files were all there, but entry into the central database had slacked off as the war had wound down. The refugees had continued to flow in, the numbers slowed but showed occasional jumps when a large group arrived. Most of these later arrivals had not been kept in Medlab. They were not necessarily wounded, at least not physically, just homeless or displaced, in a word, lost. Most of these disappeared from the records after their initial medical examinations. Anna wondered what had happened to all of them. It put her own troubles in some perspective, although the buried worry and fear still erupted occasionally, making her hands shake and her eyes blur.

 

At noon, Dr. Hobbs entered the office with a tray containing two tightly wrapped sandwiches and two plastic cups of tea. “Lunch?” she asked. “You've been hard at it,” she added as Anna bundled away stacks of papers, flimsies, hand-held data tablets, and racks of data crystals to make space on the desk for the tray.

 

“It's not so bad,” replied Anna, reaching for the tea, and holding the cup in both hands, inhaling the steam. “It's like anything, if you let yourself get behind, soon it becomes overwhelming.”

 

Lillian Hobbs looked briefly guilty, then held out one of the sandwiches. Anna took it and unwrapped it and took a big bite. She gestured at the main comscreen with the thin bread slices. “There aren't that many left. Not that we have records for. Most of them have gone home, or back to one of the main resettlement camps in their own sectors.”

 

“Well, the war is over. At least that war.” Lillian sighed. “I don't know when Dr. Franklin will make it back.”

 

“You seem to be doing pretty well here,” remarked Anna, taking a gulp of the now lukewarm tea to wash down the sandwich. “Do you like running the show?”

 

“The paperwork's a bitch,” replied Lillian with a smile. “But yes, I do. I've always liked doing things my own way.” She looked around the quietly humming medical center with pride. “This is the most interesting place I've ever worked,” she added. “So many different races. Always something new to learn.” She picked at her sandwich lying neatly bisected on a square of napkin. “You've become close to Delenn, haven't you?”

 

Anna nodded but didn't reply having started in on the second half of her sandwich.

 

“I'd like to ask you to keep an eye on her. She's not an ideal patient, though she follows directions precisely...when you can get her to commit to following them.” Lillian shook her head. “I'm not completely happy with her recovery.”

 

Anna's appetite faded. “What do you mean?” she asked.

 

“I'm not sure. I have all Dr. Franklin's records on her, the changes in her metabolism and basic physiology...but there's still a lot we don't know. I can't get her to come in for daily blood work, and those wounds. Well, they'll take a while to completely heal. I think she's in more pain than she'll admit.”

 

“What can I do?” asked Anna intently.

 

“Keep an eye on her. Let me know if you notice any signs of that fever returning. Get her to use that ointment I gave her. Reducing scarring is not just about vanity, it's also about restoring muscle function.” Lillian's voice lost its hesitant concern in the familiar recitation of prescription.

 

“I will,” promised Anna. “I'll do whatever I can.”

 

_10/23/2261_

 

Anna had returned to John's and her quarters to pick up some clothes when the message from Ivanova came through. It had been a tiresome morning of going through old medical records, trying to straighten out another database Dr. Hobbs had off-loaded onto her. She listened to the commander's strict admonition that Anna was to stay on the station and stay out of her, Ivanova's, way. Something was happening; Anna could feel the tension in the air. Slamming the off button on the comstation in frustration, Anna started to pace, hands behind her back, trying to see some way out of the situation. As she made her way around the small living area, she caught her hip on the small chest against the wall. The top drawer was slightly ajar. Rubbing the sore spot, she yanked at the drawer in an attempt to ram it closed. John must have left it open before he'd gone on his quixotic rescue mission. After a pause, she opened it again slowly. A packet of letters, her letters, lay within the drawer. A black box, a soft velvet square weighed them down. He'd been reading her letters and looking at the ring he'd bought for Delenn. Tears filled her eyes. Her poor John, torn between past and future—he was trying so hard to make things right for everyone. No wonder he'd run to help his father. He had to do something, just like she had to do something. On an impulse, she stuffed the box deep in the pocket of her short blue jacket. Running her hand through her hair, she decided she had to get out of the room. She desperately needed some air.

 

The trip to the VIP wing was short and she dumped the small bag with the clothes she'd retrieved on the sofa. She'd made a little nest of things around her temporary home. A tablet for work that connected to the main Medical system, and one loaded with some papers she was reading, still trying to catch up on three years' work in the xeno-anthropology field as well as some novels and puzzles, and her primer on the Minbari language. A pad of paper and a good pen for notes lay next to the electronics. Delenn had placed a carafe of water and a crystal glass, as well as the omnipresent candles. There was a pair of reading glasses; she didn't like to wear them but reading the print on the tablet reader made her eyes ache if she kept at it for too long. Her body had aged during the three years. The Shadows hadn't kept her in stasis. Feeling her heartbeat accelerate at the creeping indistinct memory of what had been done to her, she slowed her breathing and kept her focus tightly on the present, as Delenn had taught her. Looking around the quiet rooms, she felt the return of the claustrophobia she'd felt earlier. Time to run, to find somewhere where the walls were more distant. Delenn was busy, presumably conferring with Susan, making their last minute plans to wreak whatever havoc they had in mind. Just as well, Anna thought. Space and solitude; that's what she wanted.

 

When she reached the central gardens she could almost feel her shoulders retreat from their perch up around her ears. Anna walked through the various areas of agriculture and recreation and just natural beauty, finally settling on a stone bench in front of a carefully raked area of patterned gravel. Closing her eyes, she tried to tune out the buzzing sounds of machinery and the faint echoes of others' conversations. She wished she could feel the sun.

 

Anna felt Delenn's presence without exactly knowing how. A faint perfume, the rustle of robes, a knowledge of peace informed senses other than sight. Without opening her eyes, she remarked, “John was always drawn to Asian culture. I think he would have liked this garden.”

 

“He did.” Delenn took a seat next to Anna, her robes settling around her like a flutter of wings. “And your opinion?”

 

“It's so small.” Anna sighed. “I don't think I could ever get used to station life. I'm used to planets, mostly empty planets, with expansive areas of nearly deserted territory to explore.” She laughed. “Not that I haven't found myself in some tight spots. Once on Mars, one of the first digs I went on after graduate school, we had to crawl through partially collapsed tunnels...from the first colony, the one that was abandoned. There were rumors of artifacts left by some ancient civilization. Or perhaps ancient visitors. I found that I have mild claustrophobia on that expedition. Sometimes I feel the same way here.”

 

The quality of Delenn's silence began to alarm Anna. “What's wrong?” she asked, surprised by the paleness of her friend's face. “It's not that bad, the claustrophobia, just a little uneasiness. I do okay on board ship, and that's tighter quarters than this station.” Suspicious, she continued, “What about you? Are you feeling well?” Dr. Hobbs' warning came to the front of her mind and she examined her friend closely.

 

Delenn sighed heavily. “Susan is determined to follow John's plan. She will leave the station soon, with the fleet. Perhaps this very evening. Perhaps tomorrow. I will remain for a while and direct operations here. It is your people's fight, those were John's words, and he is right.” Her eyes glistened for a moment. “Our other plans, John's and mine, those I must work towards, even though he may not live to see them come to fruition.”

 

Anna leaned forward and pressed Delenn's hand, which lay on the bench between them, limp and white. “John's tough, you know. He'll hang in there until we can get him out. Then we'll have years and years to figure out everything else. Your plans, the Alliance, the three of us, our future...” Her voice trailed off as Delenn broke quietly into tears, her other hand covering her mouth as if to cut off speech. “Is something else wrong? Is there more news?” Anna heart thudded in apprehension.

 

Delenn shook her head, and managed to choke out, “No. No word yet.” Struggling for control, her hand slid down her throat and caught on the decoration which had been her mother's. Clutching at the dangling brooch like a talisman, she straightened her back and said, “There is something you need to know.”

 

Anna waited patiently as Delenn seemed to search for the words. “When John went to Z'ha'dum,” she began.

 

Anna interrupted, “When I talked him into going, you mean. Oh, I know it wasn't really me, but would he have gone on his own? Without my coming back to urge him?”

 

“I think he would have. Kosh meant him to, that is my understanding.” Delenn looked past Anna, lost in remembrance. “Of course, Kosh would have gone with him, and then maybe it would not have happened.”

 

“What?” broke in Anna. “What happened to him there? Did they get into his mind, like they did mine? He didn't seem affected that way. Did Lorien protect him, stand in for Kosh?”

 

Delenn struggled for a moment, as if searching for words, then finally said in a toneless voice of despair and acceptance, “John died there. He died on Z'ha'dum, that is what happened. He fell and was lost, to me, to all of us. It was Lorien that brought him back, at least,” she concluded in a whisper, “at least for a little while.”

 

Anna stared in blank incomprehension. Then her mind caught on the last few words, like a falling leaf spinning into a spider web. “A little while?”

 

“John did not want you to know,” Delenn leaned forward, pinning Anna with her eyes, dark with remembered and renewed pain. “But he was wrong. You deserve to know, as much as I do, and especially now, when we do not know where he is or when he is coming back to us.” Her voice trailed off in anguish. Then she sat back and said painfully, “Twenty years more or less. That was Lorien's gift.” A tear, then two, started again to trickle down her cheek. “Barring accident or illness.”

 

“Or torture or captivity?” asked Anna, wrapping her arms around herself. The skin of her arms felt cold and clammy. Shock, she diagnosed impassively.

 

Delenn's head drooped. “Perhaps. I do not know.”

 

Anna's voice was chill and distant. “You should have told me. Either of you. Both of you.”

 

“Yes,” replied Delenn, lips tight against the echo of old memory.

 

“I think you should go now,” said Anna abruptly. The need to be left alone, by all these people she didn't really know, crashed over her head in a wave. The only person she really knew, really wanted to see...he wasn't here. And he hadn't trusted her.

 

Delenn rose slowly, then staggered, her weight shifting as if she had lost her balance. Her hand fell heavily on Anna's shoulder. Anna did not move or even look in her direction, and Delenn left without another word.

 


	12. The World Can Wait

10/24/2261

Anna never returned to Delenn's quarters that night. She went back to John's place, curled up in the bed that she'd never shared with him and cried. It was a long time before she slept. 

At some point she woke, heart hammering, certain John was in the next room. She could smell his aftershave, hear his off-key whistling. The silence confirmed her heart-sore solitude and gradually she drifted back off to sleep.

In the morning she woke dry-eyed and head aching. Gathering up what clothes she could find that were moderately clean, she dressed, drug a comb through her hair and headed off to MedLab. Along the way she passed the chapel, at least the up station one, and turned in abruptly. Maybe a few minute's meditation would clear her head. She found an ironic sneer had crept onto her face at the thought. Meditation, that was Delenn's thing. She tried to picture Delenn getting John to sit cross-legged on the floor, eyes closed in contemplation of whatever. Contempt and contemplation; she'd never considered the two words being that alike. Contempt was what she felt for the both of them.

Or so she tried to convince herself. Part of her was aware of deep feelings of despair beneath the bravado of scorn and dislike, as well as even deeper feelings of betrayal and ever present fear. The betrayal she mainly blamed on Delenn. John had never completely broken the habit of protecting her, no matter the remonstrance she heaped on him for it. But Delenn had never lied to her since they'd met, and Anna found herself mourning the faith she had placed in their friendship.

The hard bench was cold beneath her thighs and she watched the votary flames dance in the chill wind of the air recirculation system. People were crazy to live in a place where every breath was someone else's, where everything was recycled and reused, where day and night were a matter of whim and the very force that kept their feet on the ground was artificially generated. 

“Doctor?” came a voice from behind her. 

Feet shuffled up the aisle and she let out a small puff of discontent. 

“May I join you?” Theo took a seat next to her but said no more, bowing his head over his clasped hands. 

Anna could feel the small movements and almost hear the sotto voce prayer of Brother Theo. Sighing, she asked, “What do you want?” A chill raised the hair on her head, then ran down her neck, focusing on the scar she could never quite forget. That phrase would never be a neutral one to her.

“What do you need?” replied the monk. His bright eyes fixed on hers, kindness in their depths but also an uncompromising glint.

“An ear,” replied Anna. “At least I think so. I thought I wanted to be alone, but that doesn't seem to be working for me.” She put one arm on the back of the pew. “How did you know something was wrong?”

“I saw Delenn this morning, looking almost as broken as she did when the Captain left for Z'ha'dum, then I saw you tearing down the corridor without a smile or greeting for anyone. When you turned into the chapel, well, you entered God's house. I had to see whether you wanted to talk with him or with me.”

“You'll do,” replied Anna abruptly. “Can you keep a secret?”

Theo chuckled. “It's a big part of the job description.” At the agony lurking in her eyes, he grew solemn and said gently, “Anything you tell me is private, between you, me, and God.” He took her hand in his and waited.

“Delenn and John,” Anna began, choking on the pairing of the names, “they kept something from me.”

“That they had begun a relationship?” returned Theo delicately.

“No, not that. That I understand. I love them both and...” she stopped for a moment as if struck by a realization. Then she went on, “No, it was something that happened.” She lowered her voice. “At Z'ha'dum.”

Theo nodded, but did not speak. His aura of calm acceptance spurred further confidences. 

“Delenn told me that John died there. That he can back with only a portion of his life left.” Her voice rose and tightened. “And he may lose even that in Clark's prisons.” Almost child-life in her grief, she added, broken, “They didn't tell me. Either of them. Like I wasn't part of it. Like it didn't affect me.”

Theo didn't move although his face was etched with sadness. “The Captain told Delenn of this but not you. Was he sure of your actual identity at the time?”

“I suppose not,” replied Anna wearily. “And he probably swore Delenn to secrecy, so I don't know why I'm upset with her.”

“You trusted her. She has become your friend, in spite of all the odds against that friendship.” Theo shook his head. “It must have pained her to lie to you, even in omission.”

Anna nodded, her eyes blurred by a sudden return of tears. “She should have told me.”

“She did,” replied Theo. “Take comfort in that. There are still trials to come, for both of you, and it will be harder if you face them alone.”

Rising from her seat, Anna set her shoulders back and raised her chin. She declared, “I've got work to do today in MedLab. Thanks for listening.” 

Theo watched her go, uncertain whether he'd been of any help.

10/25/2261

The next day it was all over the station. The White Star fleet had left, with Commander Ivanova leading the way. Many of the alien races seemed unaffected by the news, but every human Anna encountered had a tense expression and nodded to her in simple recognition of their shared humanity. A wild hope seemed to lay behind each worried face. It would all be over soon enough, whichever way it went.

Another night alone had left Anna feeling on edge. This was all wrong: John's captivity, Delenn's silence, her own obstinate anger. She clung to her anger, feeding it justification like twigs to a dried grass fire. It was as if she wanted to keep it alive; as if keeping the flames going kept something else at bay, something she didn't want to examine too closely.

After a long day in MedLab, she was heading back to John's quarters, hands deep in her pockets, head down and lost in thought. As she rounded the corner leading to the sadly quiet command staff quarters, she saw ahead in the corridor a figure at her door. It was Delenn, turning away, turning to leave, having obviously received no answer to her request for admission.

“Wait!” Anna called, heart thudding in her chest. She quickened her steps, almost running towards  
the other woman, abruptly coming to a stop directly in front of her.

Delenn examined her with a curious expression of resignation and apprehension. “I was just coming to see you,” she said. “I wanted you to know that you have a place on the Minbari flagship when we finally leave for your home system. If you still wish to come, I will not leave you behind.”

“I know you wouldn't,” said Anna, almost surprised at her own certainty. She cast about for more to say and finally asked, “Would it be all right if I came by your place, later? I left some things there...” Her voice trailed off.

“Of course,” Delenn said. “I am heading back there now in fact. I will be in all evening. There is so much to do,” she pushed the hair away from her forehead as if trying to sweep away all her troubles. 

Anna noticed a stiffness in the gesture and a tightening of the lines around the mouth that spoke of unacknowledged pain. “I can come right now,” she said. 

They walked together, mostly in silence, with the occasional comment on the general situation or their own activities. Anna asked if there was news from Mars; Delenn said that she had heard nothing. When they reached Delenn's quarters, Anna entered first and went to the couch to absently gather up her belongings. Her hands moved slowly, reluctantly. She didn't really want to leave and go back to that haunted space. “Do you mind if I put on ISN?” she asked in desperation at the lack of conversation.

Delenn was in the kitchen area pouring herself a glass of water and nodded her assent. Anna sat down and called to the wall monitor, “ISN, volume low.”

The monitor flickered into life and a talking head appeared, an attractive black woman with a sly expression. Anna opened her carryall and began to organize the clothing inside, making room for her other possessions. She heard a muffled cry and looked up. Delenn was staring at the screen, which held a picture of John, young and smiling, in a crisp white shirt and pressed uniform jacket. Anna recognized the picture; it was from the day he'd taken command of the Agamemnon. She rose and crossed the room to stand by Delenn, wondering if her face was as pale as the other woman's.

It was a short set piece, a reminder of who John was, who he had been, full of lies and implications. Reading between the lines, Anna thought they must feel John was weakening. They were preparing the audience for John's public renunciation of his actions against Clark, from declaring the independence of Babylon 5 to the battle for Proxima. She crossed her arms tightly across her chest, trying to contain the pain of imagining what pressures had been brought to bear on him.

After it ended, Delenn walked slowly back towards the kitchen, moving slowly from one chair to the next in the dining area, holding onto them as if to a raft in a stormy sea. Anna's anger bled away between one heartbeat and the next. She'd lost three years of her life to the Shadows. She wasn't going to give the rest away to a senseless grudge. Her old life was gone and her attempts at building a new one had been stalled by doubt and indecision. Events had pushed her one way and then another, tangling her in a net of emotions old and new. She loved John, still and all. And Delenn loved John and John loved Delenn. 

And she loved Delenn too. The revelation cut across her tormented mind like a released tripline, thoughts and feelings tumbling into new positions, revealing patterns she'd never suspected. She stood abruptly, staring at Delenn, wondering what to do with this sudden revelation.

Delenn, transporting a tall silver teapot to the table, regarded her with a wan smile. “Do you want some tea before you leave?” 

It was time to decide what she wanted. “Yes, please,” was all she could muster. Taking a seat across from Delenn, she fought back the impulse to say something, anything. Everything. It was all so tenuous, the situation, the war, their relative positions, their link via the man they both loved. Anna leaned back in her chair and thrust her hands in her jacket pockets. Her restless fingers encountered the ring box she'd put there on impulse days ago. Suddenly, she pulled it out and placed it in the center of the table.

“Do you know what this is?” she asked, breath tightening in her lungs. This was crazy, it wasn't her place to reveal John's plans. Then again, she thought rebelliously, John hadn't included anyone in his plans. And plans could change.

Delenn shook her head. Anna hesitated, then reached out and opened the box. Inside was a plain silver circle, with a square-cut brilliant stone atop it. 

“It is beautiful,” said Delenn, touching it gently with one finger. “Is it yours? A family heirloom, perhaps?”

“No,” said Anna slowly, suddenly apprehensive that she was making a mistake. “It's...it's yours. Or it was meant to be yours.” She took the ring out of the box and held it up to a tall candle on the table. The diamond fractured the light into a thousand colors. “I found it in John's quarters before I left.”

A look of pleasure crossed Delenn's face but her main expression remained polite interest. Anna sighed, of course the Minbari probably didn't exchange rings. “It's an engagement ring, the kind you give someone when you ask them to marry you.”

At that Delenn made a movement, shifting away from Anna, and looking down at her hands laying cradled one within the other. 

“Do you want to try it on?” asked Anna, pushing for an answer she wasn't sure she wanted to hear.

“It has not been given to me,” replied Delenn softly. “It is not mine.”

Anna dropped the ring onto the table, where it rang silver against glass, and spun in the candlelight. “It's not fair. You deserve to be happy, and so does John.”

“And so do you,” said Delenn. She picked up the ring and started to place it back in the box. 

Anna shook her head. She reached up under her hair, bronze-red in the flame, and unfastened one of several silver chains that hung around her neck. Taking the ring from Delenn, she threaded the chain through the metal circle, then stood and moved behind the other woman. She lowered the chain around Delenn's neck, carefully maneuvering it around the remnant of the bonecrest that topped the brown curls. Closing the clasp, she left the chain slide through her fingers and come to rest against Delenn's neck. An irresistible impulse led her to drop a kiss on Delenn's head. She whispered into the rich brown hair, “You deserve to have this symbol. Whatever happens, know that you are loved.”

Delenn closed one hand on the ring, and reached up to take Anna's hand. Pulling it down she pressed it against her lips, briefly, but Anna felt the sting of their warmth. She tore herself away and slid back into her chair. Her hands shook as she re-filled their cups. Shaking the pot gently, she went to the kitchen to refill it with water. On the counter she saw the tube of medication that had been left untouched. Picking it up in one hand and the teapot in the other, she returned to the table. Setting down the teapot, she stood for a moment, observing her friend. She moved behind Delenn, gently pushed aside the chestnut waves and began to slowly knead the knotted muscles of the neck and shoulders. Feeling the tension rise and then recede, she continued silently for a few minutes. Finally, she asked, “Would you like me to administer that lotion the doctor recommended?”

Delenn tensed again, then her head drooped in acquiescence. Anna picked up the tube and attempted to read the instructions in Minbari. After a few futile attempts, she sighed and turned the tube over and read in standard English, “Administer to wounds and scar tissue as needed for pain and to restore mobility.” Coming around to face Delenn, she leaned down and asked simply, “Where?”

Delenn rose and approached the bedroom, moving aside the sliding glass partition and entering the darkened chamber. She went to the table beside the bed and picked up a firelighter and lit a candle. Moving to the other side of the wide tilted surface, she lit a second, then three more on a long table along a wall. The flames danced in the slight breeze from the air purification unit set in the ceiling.

Anna watched, the tube held loosely in her hand. She watched as Delenn loosened the tabard she wore over her robes and removed it with a slight grimace. Hastening forward to help, she caught the heavy silken fabric and draped it over a chair that stood by the doorway. Delenn ran her hand down the front of a velvet-looking dress which opened under her touch. Anna watched in fascination, part of her mind cataloging the layers of clothing, their various fasteners and materials, wondering how much was personal choice and how much was tradition and rank. She stared at the shimmer of white that appeared under the dress, one more supportive layer clinging at breast and hip. Coming to herself, she closed the partition, looking at Delenn for approval. The Minbari woman sat, or rather leaned, against the tilted bedframe. She touched a control on the side and the bed slid down to a more horizontal angle. Anna sat next to her and whispered, “Show me.”

Delenn shrugged the white undertunic from one shoulder, then tugged it off the other. She held the fabric close against her chest and leaned forward, her hair spilling forward over her hands. Her back was exposed almost to the waist, a thin blue line running down her spine with azure flares below the shoulder blades and above the hips. Anna stifled a gasp at the pinkish wheals and circular reddened patches that marred the creamy skin. Opening the tube, she squeezed out the clear ointment onto her palm and began to gently rub it over the scars and inflamed tissues.

“Dr. Hobbs says the scars will fade and become almost invisible with time,” Delenn remarked faintly. Her voice was low and vibrated in her chest under Anna's questing fingers.

“These are the result of radiation exposure, aren't they?” said Anna. She continued massaging in the ointment, paying close if gentle attention to the slightly warm areas of receding infection. “From the StarFire Wheel? Senator Crosby got some basic reports from the embassy on Minbar.”

“Yes,” replied Delenn. “It was the Wheel. The light was so intense, so bright. Sometimes I still see it when I close my eyes.”

“Does it hurt?” asked Anna as she gently touched the center of the largest area of infection.

“Somewhat,” answered Delenn. “The medication is helping.” She hesitated, then added softly, “You are helping.”

Anna smoothed Delenn's hair away from her neck and impulsively dropped a kiss at the base. Her fingers wound through the strands of hair, separating and straightening them until they lay like silk against the other woman's skin. “Are there any more areas that need attention?” she asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Delenn turned towards Anna, eyes wide and black in the dim light. She opened her hands and the white silk slipped down to her waist. Anna felt her cheeks burning as her eyes slid down to an irregular red mark just above Delenn's left breast. She brought up her hand and traced the outline of the mark, letting her fingers, still slick with the ointment, trail over the soft curve to the nipple at the tip. It hardened under her feathery touch and she felt a quiver run through the body now pressing close to hers.

Delenn reached up and stroked Anna's cheek, ending up with two fingers pressed against the pulse point in her neck. Anna licked her lips, wondering at the surge of desire she felt, a tingle in her own breasts and a building pressure deep within her abdomen. She put both hands on either side of Delenn's face, and kissed her lips, gently at first, the merest whisper of a kiss, then stronger and harder, drinking in the scent and taste of the other woman. Her mind short-circuited at that, and she had to suppress a laugh. 'Other woman' indeed. Pulling back she looked into Delenn's eyes, bright with tears and candlelight. “Are you sure?” Anna asked. “I don't know what this all means, in the grand scheme of things, but right now, at this moment, what I want most in the world is to be with you. You were my first friend here, and then more than a friend. You've been both an anchor and a guide in this strange new world. I will always love John, but I think I love you too.”

“You are nothing like I imagined, and yet now I know you, I cannot imagine John with anyone else.” Delenn was crying now, a soft rain of tears. “I did not mean to come between you. I do not want to...”

“Shh...” replied Anna. “It's a mess and a tangle and we're both worried sick about the man we love. If we can find some comfort with each other, can it make the situation any worse?” At the skepticism in Delenn's expression, Anna laughed. “I suppose it could complicate things...it probably will. I have no idea what John would think of all this.” Her forehead wrinkled with sudden worry.

Delenn put her fingers against Anna's lips. “You are talking and thinking, when you should be feeling. The heart does what the heart does. And my heart, tonight, is with you.”

At that Anna finally did exactly what she wanted to do, and took Delenn in her arms, careful to avoid the reddened areas. She kissed her forehead, then ran her fingers along the tips of the remnants of Delenn's bonecrest. “Can you feel that?”

Delenn wriggled in Anna's embrace. “Actually, it tickles.” She kissed Anna, clumsily at first, but Anna responded with enthusiasm and soon the two fell back, entangled in the light fabric that covered the still slightly tilted bed. Delenn made a sudden motion and Anna found herself pinned to the bed, Delenn seated atop her. The Minbari woman started to unbutton Anna's blouse, muttering what sounded like endearments. Anna's brain strove to translate the words for a few moments, then she lost track of all coherent thought. Delenn was right, all they needed tonight was feeling. And what Anna felt was free.

It had been so long, Anna thought, five years, more, a lifetime. She and John had spent a great deal of time apart, both of their careers requiring travel to far-flung places. Every moment they had together was spent fully together, immersed in each other. There were days they never got out of bed. Now she lay in a strange bed, a tilted one at that, on a space station, captive to a Minbari's woman's questing lips and fingers. Her thoughts flickered back and forth between her two loves but as the sensations mounted she found her focus narrowed to the one present. She was falling, she was caught in a moment; here, now, always. “Delenn,” she cried, as her back arched in a spasm of release. Aftershocks echoed in her thudding heartbeat as her breathing slowed and her hands tangled in the hair spread over her chest. The crest of bone was nestled between her breasts and she smoothed the curls from Delenn's face, moist with sweat or tears Anna could not tell.

After a few moments, Anna gently urged Delenn onto her back, asking with concern, “Does that hurt?”

“No,” was the simple reply. Delenn's chemise lay in folds at her hips, exposing shoulder and breasts above and smooth white legs below. “The medication has a numbing effect. It should last for some hours.”

Anna shrugged off her blouse and swiftly discarded her bra, unfastened and somehow twisted into a satin rope under her arms. They joined her other garments, already in an untidy pile on the floor. Then she gathered the silken folds of Delenn's remaining clothing and pulled them out from under Delenn's raised hips, sliding them over the smooth white globes of her ass and down over her legs. She laid the tunic carefully on the chair on top of the tabard and dress and turned to examine her friend and now lover. Sitting on the side of the bed, she ran her hand along the length of Delenn's body, stretched along the gentle rise of the bedframe. The Minbari woman had shifted position, lying on her right side and pulled Anna down alongside her, claiming her mouth in a deep kiss. Anna responded with fervor, but after a brief and breathless interlude, broke the connection with a smile. “Your turn,” she said, and gently turned Delenn back over.

Anna took her time exploring every inch of Delenn's body, her mind occasionally noting small structural or decorative differences, filing them away for future consideration. As her ministrations brought alternate flushes of rosy arousal and sudden sharp intakes of breath, her analysis faltered and stuttered to a stop in her eagerness to give as much pleasure as she herself had received. Settling between Delenn's thighs she alternated long leisurely strokes with her tongue and short sweet suckling with her lips until shivers ran along the long leg muscles cradling her head and she could feel the bed shake as Delenn's head whipped back and forth and she whispered “Sonnor, sonnor,” which means both 'enough' and 'too much'.

As much as Anna wanted to find out which Delenn meant, she slowed and stopped, resting her head and one hand on Delenn's abdomen, feeling the quivering echoes of orgasm under her palm. She knew the thin margin between pleasure and pain and had no wish to cross the line. Shifting position, she edged up the slight incline of the bed to come face to face with her lover, easing her descent from the peak of passion to the warm torpor of imminent slumber with gentle kisses.

Delenn asked for her tunic back, apologizing and explaining at the same time that she slept better with at least one layer of clothing. The clinging slide of silk hid little and added a layer of texture that Anna found she enjoyed. She herself eschewed the offer of sleepwear, and relied on the lightweight sheet and the body pressed up against her back for warmth. Drifting off to the slight scent of burning left behind by the snuffed-out candles, Anna felt nothing but peace and a comfort that had eluded her since her return.

10/26/2261

The next day passed in a blur of happiness. Delenn left before what passed for dawn on the station. She was now working multiple jobs, filling in where she could for Ivanova with the command staff, preparing the Minbari ships for their imminent departure, cajoling the other ambassadors for their help. Lennier had gradually taken over most of the regular duties of the Minbari ambassador and was also instrumental in keeping all the various lines of communication open.

Anna unpacked her things again and dithered over whether to move them into the bedroom or not. Finally she left her clothing in a bag on the couch, and other items neatly piled on one end of the coffee table. She left for MedLab, where she told Dr. Hobbs in private that she would be leaving with the Minbari ships but would work up till the last minute. She also showed the doctor where she filed the notes on the various projects she had either completed or were in progress. Lillian took her out to lunch in appreciation. When the doctor asked Anna's opinion of whether Delenn was following the medical instructions laid out for her, and whether the ointment was helpful, Anna stammered out a yes, she had, and that Delenn was doing better now, there had been no more fever and the ointment seemed to be working. She stopped when she saw Lillian was observing her babble with a slightly puzzled smile. They finished their lunch without further mention of the Minbari ambassador.

Anna didn't have much to do that afternoon so she left MedLab early and headed back to Delenn's quarters. Delenn was in the bedroom with the partition closed. Anna noted her carryall was gone from the couch, although her personal items remained on the coffee table where she had left them that morning. She got a glass of water from the pitcher in the cooler and sat on the couch, picking up her tablet to read while she waited.

When Delenn emerged, a broad smile lit her face when she caught sight of Anna. “I moved your clothes into the bedroom.” Tilting her head to examine the effect of her words, she added, “If you do not mind?”

Anna shook her head, and Delenn came to sit next to her. She took one of Anna's hands in her own and said, “I did not expect this,” she gestured with her other hand, pointing at herself, then at Anna. “I have considered you a friend, which was unexpected enough...”

Squeezing her hand, Anna replied, “You accepted me, as me, almost from the first. Before John did, if he does even now,” she added uncertainly. Taking heart from the memory of his recent letters, and of hers, carefully preserved in his quarters, she added more firmly, “Even though I came between you and John, you never held that against me.”

“I could not resent your resumption of your rightful position in his life,” answered Delenn. “And I believed Lyta's assessment, and Dr. Franklin's, of your condition.” She sighed and looked down at their interlocked hands. “I am glad we found each other, but I do not know what John will say.”

“Nothing,” asserted Anna definitively. “At least at first. He'll be too shocked.” She couldn't help it, the mental picture brought on a sudden sharp fit of giggling. Sobering quickly, she added quietly, “I just hope we have the chance to talk it out, the three of us, together.”

Delenn was staring over Anna's shoulder, obviously miles away. Anna waved her free hand in front of Delenn's face, “Earth to Delenn, hello?”

“The Triad,” murmured Delenn. “That is a distinct possibility.”

“What or who is a Triad?” questioned Anna.

Delenn favored her with one of her best enigmatic smiles. “The answer to a question.”

They discussed the idea far into the night, skipping dinner to continue the discussion in bed. But not all night--it wasn't a night made for talking.

10/27/2261

The com was set to chime with every increasing volume until someone answered. It was Ivanova, hyper-linked from somewhere between Babylon 5 and Earth space. Delenn rose at the first low note and left the bedroom to take the call, hurrying to quiet the alarm before it became deafening. Anna was very glad they had turned the video off on the bedroom monitor. Listening to the indistinct voices, she spent a few moments trying the controls on the bed to see if she could stay in place on the thin mattress when it was set at the normal precarious angle favored by the Minbari.

Hunger drove her to get up and get dressed. While Delenn continued talking to Susan over the secure link in the living area, Anna decided to go to the kitchen and set out the dinner they had skipped last night. It took her a while to find everything but she laid the table with what seemed the proper settings and utensils. She wished she had time to take a shower but didn't want to keep Dr. Hobbs waiting. At this point every morning could be her last morning to help out in MedLab. Later, she decided, she'd shower when she got home. Her heart skipped at the thought. Home was not only where John was, it was where Delenn was as well.

After a little more conversation, there was a break, then Anna heard Lennier's voice over the com. Anna heard Delenn ask him to make the final preparations on her ship and Anna's heart leapt. Surely now, finally, they were going to go, to Earth, and possibly to Mars to rescue John.

“This is wonderful,” said Delenn as she caught sight of the table. She checked the teapot which was full and hot and poured out two cups, then collapsed into one of the chairs.

“How'd it go?” asked Anna, taking the seat opposite. She gestured at the covered plates. “This is Lennier's work. I don't know when he finds the time. You go first, I don't know what much of it is.”

Delenn removed the silver and glass covers and served both of them with soft cubes of flarn and a syrupy mix of what looked like preserved fruits. Then she replaced the covers and sighed deeply. “The Minbari cruisers are ready, but few of our allies have committed to the mission. They have much to do for their own people. The recovery from the Shadow war goes slowly in many areas.”

“The refugees are mostly gone,” replied Anna. “The Epsilon 3 base camp is empty, only a skeleton crew is there, closing everything down.” She said sadly, “Some of those poor people had no place to go back to. They're in large resettlement camps, awaiting new homes. It will takes decades to repair the damage on some planets. Those planet-killers,” She shook her head in dismay. “Some of the weaponry used, by both sides, was diabolic.”

They ate in companionable silence, and both looked up when Lennier entered. He approached with his usual practical humility, but Anna noticed his eye slide over the noticeably unoccupied couch. No bedclothes, no mess evidence of human habitation—again she felt the almost uncontrollable urge to giggle. “I just discovered the Ambassador Mollari has called a meeting of the Council,” he said in an urgent tone.

“They cannot do that!” declared Delenn. “The Council cannot meet without a representative of either Earth or Minbar in attendance.”

“I know,” replied Lennier.

Delenn retired to the bedroom and came out almost instantly, dressed and poised for confrontation. “Let us find out what this meeting is about, Lennier.” Turning to Anna, she said, “I will stop by MedLab if I can, after this is sorted out.”

“All right,” said Anna, continuing to eat. She was aware of Lennier's backwards glances at her, but didn't dare meet his eyes. She might laugh, and she felt that was one thing that Lennier would never forgive. In fact, she mused, they had discussed what to say to John several times already, but Delenn had never mentioned informing Lennier of their new relationship. Anna wondered if Delenn was aware of the depth of Lennier's feelings for his mentor. She sighed, that was what they needed, another angle to this already confused triangle.

Delenn didn't come to MedLab at lunchtime, or when Anna normally stopped work. That was disappointing, but she also wasn't in her quarters when Anna arrived with a few groceries. It was about time she started participating in the housework. Lennier couldn't be expected to do it all the time. She'd put on some water to boil for pasta and settled down to read when the door flew open and Delenn burst into the room.

“Anna! We're leaving, tomorrow perhaps, or the day after! And the whole League is going with us!” She collapsed on the chair at the end of the couch, facing Anna. Leaning forward, her hands moving as fast as the words that tumbled from her lips. “They want to help John, and your people in their fight, but mostly John, because of the Shadow war, and all his efforts on their behalf.” Her voice trembled and she interlaced her fingers and rocked slightly in her excitement and emotion. “This is the beginning. They are choosing to work together, and John has done it, he has brought them together.”

Anna jumped up and leaned over to hug her. “You both did it. And they would be total ingrates not to help you...us...whatever!” She pulled Delenn to her feet and hugged her again, hard. They clung to each other for a moment, then pulled back to stare at one another. 

Delenn spoke first. “Kosh used to say....and so it begins. And now again it begins. We will follow John's plans, join the White Star fleet under Susan and the Earth ships who fight for your freedom at the meeting point. Then they will go ahead and we will provide support—humanitarian aid, help for injured ships, evacuation of the wounded. It is your fight, but our presence will show those on Earth that they are not alone.”

“So in this grand plan... is there any room in it for us to help John?” pleaded Anna. “We have to do something.”

“There are some of our people there. Perhaps an opportunity will arise, if they can find out where he is being held...” Delenn's voice trailed off.

Anna's eyes sparked. “Stephen is there, isn't he? I asked after him when I got back, but all Dr. Hobbs would say was that he had gone away, some sort of mission.”

“Yes, Dr. Franklin is on Mars, and Lyta is with him,” confided Delenn.

“Those two are pretty resourceful,” mused Anna. “But I wish we could go.”

“There is a possibility we will get to Mars,” answered Delenn. “And if I go there, you will come with me. As I promised. We will get him back, Anna.”

When Delenn spoke like that, Anna couldn't help but believe.


	13. All in the Family

Anna was trying to memorize the layout of the Sharlin cruiser. It was far larger than the White Star she taken on her voyage with Lorien and Ivanova. This was a command ship, a flagship of the Minbari fleet. This route from the cafeteria back to the command center was longer than the last round trip she'd taken. At least she could read the signs along the walls. Her Minbari was improving, or perhaps they used the most basic symbols so everyone could find their way regardless of their linguistic proficiency. 

They had lingered on the station only a day before Delenn ordered the exit of the Minbari warships from the station headed to Earth space. A flotilla of alien ships accompanied them. Delenn couldn't get over the fact that the League, led by the Centauri and Narn representatives, had rallied behind Sheridan. Anna didn't care why they were going, just that they were going; going home, going closer to John.

Then today a report had come up from the planet that John had been rescued, that he was even now on his way back to this very ship. Nothing specific was said of his condition, or what had been done to him, which left her to fill in the blanks with every horror she could imagine. Her growing jitters at the upcoming reunion led her in search of tea but the beverage hadn't worked its usual calming magic. Now she was heading back to the command level to check on Delenn again. The Minbari woman's outward calm that morning had been belied by the strain around her mouth and eyes. But at least Delenn's face had lost that haunted look that tore at Anna's heart. It was the same look she'd seen every time she looked in a mirror. 

Delenn had also been shaken by the arrival of the gravely-injured Commander Ivanova on the Minbari ship, and the dire prognosis given her friend by the Minbari medics. Anna had done little more than carry messages from the medical area to Delenn, who stayed in the command center day and night. The few times she could convince the Minbari woman to return to their quarters to rest, Delenn would lay on their tilted bed for hours, wide awake, holding Anna's hand while they invariably listened to the sound of rain.

Anna rounded a corner; she'd been counting the turns and was sure the next one held the entrance to the main holo chamber and from there she could find her way back to the command center. There was John. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak. He hadn't seen her yet, he was deep in conversation with a Minbari crewman. Her first impulse was to hide, to avoid their first encounter since she had left the station without saying good-bye. He hadn't trusted her then, hadn't believed that she was herself.

“John,” she finally whispered, her voice cracking and faint. Then louder, “John!” and she was moving, faster, towards him as he turned at the sound of her voice, and oh, thank God, opened his arms to receive her. She buried her face in his chest, breathing in the smell and warmth of him. 

“Anna?” said John with surprise and a burgeoning delight. “What are you doing here?”

Anna lifted her head, laughing through tears she couldn't hold back. “Delenn let me tag along. When Lennier's otherwise occupied, I make sure she gets some sleep and something to eat.”

“Sometimes she does need a keeper,” replied John, smiling broadly. He hugged Anna hard, and said, “I am so sorry, honey. I didn't believe it was really you, not until your letters started coming. They were so familiar, so like the ones you sent me during the war, so you.”

Anna wrapped her slim fingers in John's shirt, wishing she could run her hands up under the fabric and connect with skin. “It's me all right. Back from the dead.” Looking up into his eyes, she said soberly, “Of course you'd know all about that.”

“You mean this latest scrape? It wasn't that bad.” John muttered under his breath, “I'll never look at a corned beef sandwich the same way though.”

Anna shook her head violently. “Don't lie to me. I've been there. They killed me too, or as good as. If Lyta hadn't gone in and found me, if Stephen hadn't fought so hard to save me...”

John's eyes flashed with suspicion, which faded to regret. “Delenn told you. About Z'ha'dum.”

“That's right,” she stared at him hard. “It should have been you that told me. I'm your wife.”

“God, Anna, what was I supposed to think? The Shadows sent you. I thought you, the real you, were gone, had died three years ago, that it was a trick.” John moved away from her for a moment, guilt in his eyes. “I should have known. After Morden showed up. I should have come after you.” Seeing the tears flowing down her face, he pulled her back into his arms. They stood in a close embrace for a few moments in the deserted corridor. 

Shakily, Anna managed to say, “I tried to warn you, I was on my way to the station when you were captured. Pat...Senator Crosby...found out about Clark's interest in Tenasticin and I knew it was Garibaldi.” She scrutinized his face, marred with small wounds and beginning scars, some hidden by the new growth of beard. “I heard he was there when you were freed.”

“It wasn't his fault,” John started, but Anna interrupted him.

“Oh, no you don't. Don't forgive and forget. He'd been in contact with the Shadows, I could feel it.” Anna was adamant in her judgment.

“There may have been some Shadow involvement, but it was Bester and PsiCorps that did the damage. Mind control...” John shook his head and declared grimly. “PsiCorps has a lot to answer for.”

Anna still looked skeptical. John's arms tightened around her and said, “We'll talk more about this, but first I need to see Susan.”

“Oh no,” said Anna. “First you need to see Delenn.” She took his hand and began to pull him in the direction of the command center.

John stayed where he was, anchored by doubt. “I don't know what to say to her.”

“Talking is not what's called for,” responded Anna in exasperation. “Come. On.” She began to pull at him again when she saw he wasn't looking at her. He was looking past her, and his face had the expression of someone who had come home.

“John,” Delenn called from down the hallway. She remained standing for only a second, in a pose of dawning joy, then began to hasten towards the pair of them. Anna whispered to John, “It's all right. Go to her!” and stepped back around the corner to give them some privacy. To herself, she added, “And kiss her, you idiot, before I do.”

Anna waited a few moments, then checked on the pair of them. Delenn was fussing within the circle of John's arms, touching him every few minutes as if not completely convinced he was really there. John couldn't stop staring at her. Anna stepped forward and cleared her throat. John jumped back but still held on to Delenn. Anna shook her head. This wasn't going to be easy. 

John looked from one to the other, questions forming behind his eyes, but instead of voicing them said firmly, “I want to see Susan. Now.”

Delenn shot Anna a look and tilted her head, inviting her to accompany them to the medical facilities. Anna just shook her head. It was more appropriate for Delenn to go with John; Ivanova was their friend, and Delenn could share all the news of the fleet. She wandered back towards the quarters she shared with Delenn, wondering where all of them were going to sleep tonight. Her face kept breaking out in a smile. John was back, he was well, they were on their way to liberate Earth. It was all working out. Her face clouded as she saw two crewman walk by guiding a medical transport gurney. Delenn had said that once John arrived they were going to transfer Ivanova to a White Star headed back to Babylon 5. There was nothing more than they could do for her. Anna knew John would be devastated by the news. He'd liked and respected Ivanova since he'd worked with her on Io, and it had been obvious the Commander was his main support on the station.

Anna waited patiently, scanning the latest propaganda from Earth, hoping to get some idea of what her old boss was up to. There wasn't much there beyond rah-rah items about President Clark and dire fear-mongering articles about human rebels and alien incursions. Reading between the lines, she thought she could see increasing tension. They were afraid. It was all unraveling. She wondered if the general populace was fearful of invasion; the idea was being pushed hard in the press. John's fleet was just as likely to be viewed as an enemy than as a liberator. She chewed her bottom lip. That could be bad.

The door opened and Delenn entered the room, almost dancing in her obvious relief. “Anna,” she said, “John is taking the Agamemnon on to Earth, at Susan's request. It is a good idea, he knows the ship and your people know it too. Captain James is acting as his second. We are to wait here, offering only medical support and rescue operations.”

“He's already gone?” Anna's heart gave a lurching ache; John always tried to say good-bye.

“He went to change, he'll stop by the command center on his way to the transport.” Delenn sat down abruptly on the other chair. “There's not much time. Shall we talk to him, after all this, about what has happened between us?”

“No,” replied Anna. “He needs all his focus, and all our support. This will be so hard on him, attacking Earth.”

“I know. I have stood against my own government. It is a lonely feeling.” Delenn sighed heavily. “Susan will be leaving the ship soon, even before we reach Mars. They will keep her comfortable, back at the station, until the end. She is better away from the fighting.” Delenn's voice trembled a bit but remained level. She reached over and took Anna's hand. “I am glad you will be staying here.”

The meeting with John could have been awkward but he was in such a rush there was just time for him to press each of their hands and rush off to the Agamemnon. The next few hours were beyond tense. Anna hung at the back of the room, trying to read the situation from the throbbing lights and the expressions exchanged by the Minbari crew members. Delenn was everywhere, talking into the com, examining holo-screen displays, conferring with other captains of the League ships. Periodically she would glance over at Anna, who smiled her support but stayed out of the way. 

The next day the battle began in earnest. Hours blurred and compressed as the intricately planned series of events unfolded. In hurried asides, Delenn let Anna know where Stephen and Lyta were and what they were doing at each point. It was like watching a movie except that all of the characters were her friends, and they were all in harm's way.

The EarthForce ships hung around Mars, dead in space, crippled by John's brilliant but morally dubious plan. Anna tried to send positive thoughts to Lyta on the surface, knowing she was in danger, both physical and mental. She'd never had much to do with telepaths, EarthForce used them rarely and at arms length, IPX had dealt only with the commercial branch. But Lyta was a friend, and Anna couldn't imagine how she felt having to sacrifice her own people in such a way. Not all the ships were disabled, and while Delenn waited for a safe opening to begin rescue operations, the main screen remained focused on the Agamemnon as it made its way towards Earth.

When Lennier showed up, Anna knew something was wrong. Delenn looked confused at his approach, then paled as he spoke. She immediately went to the com station to put in a call. Lennier hovered for a moment then silently walked away. Anna on impulse followed him out of the command center and hurried to catch up with him. “Lennier, what is it? What's happened?”

Lennier gave her one of his patented inscrutable looks. “Marcus has found a way.” Guilt showed in his eyes as he added, “I showed him the way.”

“The way to what?” demanded Anna.

“Redemption,” replied Lennier cryptically. “Sacrifice.” For a moment his eyes dimmed. “He will save her if he can.”

Anna put two and two together and said flatly, “Ivanova.” Then surprise kicked in, “He's gone back to the station? Abandoned the battle?” She shook her head. “John won't understand.”

“I think he will,” said Lennier. “He would have gone to Z'ha'dum to save you.” He leaned heavily against the metal wall, shivering slightly as if chilled by the hard surface.

“He might have,” admitted Anna. “He would have been wrong to go, but he might have.”

“There is one thing,” Lennier's voice was soft and slightly broken. “Commander Ivanova knew the risks and accepted them. Her death would be one of honor, and Marcus would deny her that choice.”

“It wasn't her choice to be injured, only her choice to risk injury to further her cause,” Anna said firmly. Then, picking her way through mixed emotions, “Is that how you felt when Delenn entered the StarFire Wheel? That it was her choice and that you had to let her go?”

Lennier nodded, but added under his breath, “That was part of it, in any case.”

“So Neroon took away her choice to die for her people,” mused Anna. “What if it hadn't worked? What if they hadn't accepted Neroon's sacrifice, his change of heart at the end?”

“But they did,” exhaled Lennier. “Neroon thought she would leave the fire with Shakiri, but Delenn meant to stay, even unto death. Her sacrifice was replaced by Neroon's, who died a warrior's death even as he renounced his caste.”

Anna stared at Lennier in growing horror. “Is that Marcus intends to do? Die in Ivanova's place?”

Lennier looked at her bleakly. “I had best return to my post. I am done here.” He walked slowly down the long corridor towards the flyer docks. Anna watched him go in silence.

Returning to the command center, she saw that all eyes were riveted on the viewscreen. The display showed the battle for Earth, a ballet of light and color, soundless in its fury. Delenn stood before it, illuminated by the dancing spears of light. Anna's eyes searched the field for the Agamemnon and found it in the thick of things as expected. White Stars buzzed about the larger Earth ships, pinning the dark lumbering vessels with green fire. StarFuries darted in and out, targeting non-vital parts of the opposing ships. It was hard to tell one side from the other; Anna knew the computers were directing the attack but her heart lurched at each hit, whatever side it was on. She crossed the empty center of the room to stand beside Delenn, whose eyes never left the screen even as she directed her own ship in its humanitarian mission. 

Though they were miles away from the action around Earth, the holo-monitor which took up the entire forward section of the command center made it seem as if they were in the middle of the battle. John had opened the com on the Aggie, allowing it to broadcast to the entire fleet.

“That's Pat,” Anna said excitedly to Delenn, as Senator Crosby began to speak. But her voice trailed off in silent horror as the import of the senator's words sank in. A phrase from a long-gone war echoed in her mind. We had to destroy the world to save it. Even before she realized the only option John could take, she clutched Delenn's arm so tightly her nails sank into the flesh underneath the other woman's gown. “No. God no,” Anna prayed aloud. She'd just gotten him back again; they'd just gotten him back—it couldn't end this way, this soon. Inexorably the Agamemnon turned and headed towards the last of the planetary defense satellites trained on her home. Anna heard Delenn call John's name as the explosion lit their faces, turning them the blood red and orange of crucifying flame. The crackle of static that preceded General Lefcourt's sardonic voice, the appearance of the Aggie on the other side of death, the intense relief that flooded through her caused Anna's knees to buckle. Delenn's strong arm and joyful whisper, “He made it through!” was all that kept her from sinking to the floor. The two women embraced and watched the remnants of both fleets fall back and cease fire.

*************************

“Now can we go down to the surface?” Anna was seated on the slightly tilted bed, a compromise position she and Delenn had finally agreed on. It was a few days after John had surrendered to EarthGov. He was stuck in Geneva while the politicos and generals wrangled over his fate. Delenn was serene over this whole farcical scenario, but Anna worried that they would have to make John pay a price to save their own face. “They still haven't released Pops, and I'm worried about him.” Delenn was getting dressed behind a partition. Anna could see her moving behind it, and found it distracting, but not enough to pull her away from her petition. “We should just go get him. They had no right to arrest him in any case.”

“Patience,” counseled Delenn as she came out from behind the sheer half-wall. She adjusted her multi-layered formal gown, smoothing it so it hung straight down from her hips. “There is still much to do here. There are wounded to ferry to the surface or to the hospital ships that are arriving from Earth. There are repairs to the ships that were damaged.” She reflected in somber tones. “Some of the telepaths survived and must be extracted from the machinery. In time maybe they can be helped.” She ended briskly, “Your people have enough to attend at home.”

“Is there any news at all?” responded Anna with stubborn persistence. 

“Lennier is coming aboard this afternoon with the latest report from the local Rangers.” Delenn turned towards Anna. “It is a delicate matter,” she said soberly. “Earth is a sovereign government, which we, and the other League nations, recognize. We cannot invade their prisons, no matter how unfair we think their judgments.”

“You went in to get John out,” argued Anna.

“That excursion was not led by anyone in either the League or in EarthForce,” replied Delenn.

“Oh? What about Stephen Franklin? He's an EarthForce officer,” retorted Anna.

“I am not sure the EarthForce would claim him at this point,” said Delenn with an ironic smile. She crossed the room to sit beside Anna, and smoothed the hair away from her tense face. “Wait for Lennier. We will act soon if they do not do the right thing.”

Anna leaned into Delenn's caress and nodded slightly against her palm. “All right. But I want to be there to hear what Lennier has to say.”

“I will make sure you are called,” replied Delenn. “Now I must go. There are others I must speak with, about the new Alliance.”

That afternoon a Minbari crewman arrived at Delenn's quarters to fetch Anna to a small conference room just off of the command center. Lennier was already there, seated at a small round table. After Anna took her seat, Delenn swept into the room. She spoke even before she reached her chair, “Well, Lennier? What news from the surface?”

“Ambassador Sheridan has been moved from the facility in which he was being held. There are rumors that he will be released soon, but there are also rumors he is being held to ensure Captain Sheridan's good behavior. As an 'ace in the hole' was the expression used by the Mars Resistance leader to which I spoke.” As usual Lennier sat as stiff and straight as if he were a soldier on parade.

“Where is he now?” demanded Anna. “Don't they know he's an old man? He's not in the best of health. Are they getting him his medication?”

“I have no information on his condition,” relied Lennier, unbending a little in recognition of Anna's obvious distress. “It is said he is being treated well. Everyone is uncertain how things are going back on Earth, who will end up in power, and who will not. His jailers will be cautious, not wanting to end up on the wrong side.”

“Well, I have an answer to the question of who will have the power,” interjected Delenn, with a triumphant and almost giddy expression. “It is done, Lennier, Anna. The Alliance is no longer a dream, it is a fact.” She clutched a roll of paper in one hand, and stars blazed in her eyes.

“Congratulations,” said Anna warmly. “But there's no guarantee Earth will want to join.”

“We will make them an offer that will be difficult to refuse,” said Delenn with a determined smile. “But there is to be no force. This is to be an Alliance, not an Empire.” She turned to Lennier. “Does the Resistance know where the Ambassador has been moved?”

Lennier shook his head. “They have suspicions. There is a base between Burroughs City and Syria Planum, in the Red Desert. It was built on the site of some archeological excavations...”

Anna broke in, “I know that site! I worked on it for IPX at one point. There are tunnels underneath which we expanded. We dug down to see if there was any evidence of the original Mars civilization.” She paled and shuddered. “There was a bad vibe about the whole expedition. We were called off in the middle of it, and were almost glad of it.”

Delenn smiled. “Then you may be of some assistance to Mr. Garibaldi.”

“I want nothing to do with Mr. Garibaldi,” flashed back Anna, eyes burning. “What does he have to do with anything?”

“He is there, on Mars, and has been working with the Rangers to locate Ambassador Sheridan, among other things,” replied Delenn calmly. “And you can help him.” She put one hand on Anna's arm. “You have been wanting to help, and here is something you can do.” Turning to Lennier, she said, “Please see that Dr. Sheridan gets safely to the surface, and put her in touch with Mr. Garibaldi and his team.” Seeing that Anna was gearing up for more protest, she held up one hand. “Mr. Garibaldi has his own goals on Mars. He can introduce you to the Rangers and if they agree it can be done, you can show them these tunnels and help get John's father to safety.”

Anna sat quietly fuming. Delenn observed this and remarked. “John told me, and you, what happened to Michael. He was mistreated badly by Mr. Bester. You know what it is like to lose control of your own actions, your thoughts, your life. And Michael is a man who needs control, truly needs it, just to survive.”

Rising, she nodded to Lennier, then pressed Anna's hand. “Bring John's father home. It will mean a good deal to John if we can assure him of his father's safety.” She left the small room, still holding the signed treaties of her new Alliance.

Lennier sat silently after Delenn had left. He sighed heavily, and Anna watched him with surprise.

“Aren't you happy about the whole Alliance thing?” she said. “And when can we get started with this rescue mission?”

“I am to take you to the Rangers,” he said. “It is their decision whether there is to be a rescue.” He sighed again.

“Lennier, what is it?” Anna probed. “Has something happened?”

“Has Delenn told you of Marcus, and what he has done?” answered Lennier elliptically.

Anna looked down at the table, a sheaf of red hair framing her pale face. “She did. I'm glad Commander Ivanova is still with us, but what a price. He must have loved her very much.”

Lennier spoke, his words hesitant, almost forced out of him. “Did she tell you what Ivanova said?”

“No,” replied Anna, meeting his intense stare with one of her own.

“All love is unrequited,” said Lennier, somewhere between a plea and a challenge.

“Some is,” said Anna. “And some isn't.” She bit her lower lip, wondering how much further to take this awkward discussion. “Ivanova is probably speaking out of regret. Sometimes you build a vision of what might be, and when that vision is taken away,” she groped for the right words, the concepts that might bring comfort, “When the possible becomes impossible it's incredibly painful.”

“And when the impossible becomes possible?” asked Lennier. His eyes were burning with unasked questions.

“The trick is to tell the difference,” declared Anna firmly. She wasn't going to say much more, no matter how sorry she felt for Lennier's situation. Her own was precarious enough.

“Can you be ready to leave in one hour?” inquired Lennier. At Anna's fervent nod, he rose and bowed to her. “I will come by Delenn's quarters to fetch you then.” With another bow, he turned and left her alone with her thoughts.

Exactly one hour later Lennier was at her door and Anna followed him to the flyer bays toting her well-worn carryall. They both remained silent for the short drop to the planet's surface. They were met at the entry to the main terminal by a familiar face.

“Ms. Sullivan?” Jason Walker's face was deliberately bland. He took her carryall, nodded to Lennier and urged her toward the gate. A guard scanned her identicard without looking up at her face at all, and they were through. Lennier had vanished back to the docking bay. He was going back up to help Delenn with all that had to be done.

“It's nice to see you again,” ventured Anna as they walked down the sloping path to the mag-lev train platforms. “You must be glad to be back home for a while.”

“I am,” replied Jason. “Although things are pretty chaotic here right now. No one is sure who's in charge of things. Martial law is technically still in effect, but the soldiers are just following the last orders they got. Everything's in a holding pattern.”

Once they were settled in an empty car and speeding out into the desert, the train kicking up clouds of red dust that made it seem as if they were riding in a sunset, Anna got serious. “Do you trust Garibaldi?” she asked bluntly.

“Entil'zha trusts him,” replied Jason simply. “And so we do as well.”

“Oh, Delenn sees the good in everyone,” answered Anna impatiently. “I'd like your opinion.”

“Captain Sheridan would still be in prison without his help, and Earth might still be run by President Clark,” Jason observed mildly. “He's been through a lot, and frankly, betrayal of our cause is not the first thing on his mind.”

“What is the first thing on his mind?” asked Anna with some curiosity.

“A woman,” said Jason with a smile. His smile faded briefly, “She's important to him, and it's likely she's in some danger. We'll rendezvous with him first, but we'll be going after Ambassador Sheridan. Mr. Garibaldi will be going after his Lise.”

“Then why do I have to see him before we go get David?” asked Anna.

“That is what Entil'zha asked us to do. So that is what we will do.” Jason leaned his head back against the glass window. “I'm sure she has her reasons.” 

He closed his eyes and Anna sighed heavily. Undoubtedly Delenn did have her reasons, and she would find then out soon enough.

\--------------------

“What exactly are you doing here?” 

Mr. Garibaldi's words came out like a staccato stoning. Anna felt the sting but ignored his efforts to shake her composure.

“I have no idea,” she said, shaking her hair back from her face. “I'm here to find David Sheridan. Can you help me with that?”

“I have no idea,” replied Garibaldi, with a wry smile. “I have my own search to get on with. I can put you in contact with the Resistance, but the Rangers could probably have done that for you.”

Jason, who was sitting off to one side observing the two, nodded. Anna shrugged. “It was Delenn's idea. Ask her.”

Garibaldi snorted loudly. “Like she'd ever admit to having an ulterior motive.”

That brought a genuine smile to Anna's lips. “She has her moments.” She examined Garibaldi, noting the sheen of perspiration on his forehead, the tightness around his mouth. “You're really worried about...Lise, was that her name?”

“Yeah,” replied Garibaldi. “I am.” He tilted his head and stared intently at Anna. “You don't trust me, do you?” Without waiting for her reply, he barreled on, “It's only fair. I don't...didn't...trust you either.”

“Do you trust me now?” asked Anna, finding herself somewhat curious, and a little anxious. She knew that the man in front of her was still important to John, and to Delenn. Though why she wasn't sure. The camaraderie of war, she supposed. She waited for her answer.

“Not sure,” said Garibaldi. “How about you?”

“John said it wasn't your fault, and Delenn agreed. They know you better than I do...” Anna stopped, then taking a deep breath, continued, “I felt the Shadow influence on you, before I left the station.”

“The theory seems to be that they captured my StarFury and turned me over to PsiCorps,” said Garibaldi, white lines appearing on either side of his down-turned mouth. 

“I'm familiar with the concept,” replied Anna, her face grim. After a moment, she reached out and placed one hand on Garibaldi's arm, seeking to touch the humanity evident in the pain and guilt tightly wound around the man. “You made it right with John. He's not one to hold a grudge. He never has been.” Her mind flashed to the discomfort she'd felt when introduced to John's first wife. But neither Elizabeth nor John seemed to notice and she quickly found she liked the other woman. “And if it's all right with him, it's all right with me.”

“Gee thanks,” replied Garibaldi, but his sarcasm didn't quite ring true. “I suppose I can extend you the same courtesy.” He rose, his movements stiff, one hand unconsciously going to his back. “Let me introduce you to Number One. She kinda runs things around here these days.”

“Is she part of the old Mars governing council?” asked Anna. Then she slapped her hand against her forehead. “Oh, she's the one in charge of the Resistance. Delenn mentioned her.” She got up from her chair and followed Garibaldi to the door. Jason fell into step behind her.

Number One looked briefly at Anna, but her glance was merely a cutting dismissal. “Let her try if she wants. I have more important things to worry about.” When Anna began an angry protest, the intense younger woman held up one hand. “The old man is safe enough. They won't try anything now. He might be uncomfortable in his cell, but he'll be out soon enough. We have an uneasy truce with the military that still pack our streets. People aren't getting enough food, there are air and energy shortages, with areas in every dome shut down for a portion of every day.” She turned to Garibaldi, “I thought you had your own errand to run. What are you doing with her? And why her anyway?” She looked Anna up and down. “Does she have some special talent that's not apparent? Or does she have a personal reason for going after Sheridan?”

“She has a name, you know.” Anna's temper flared at the young woman's arrogance. “I'm Ann...”

“Ann Sullivan,” put in Jason helpfully. “She has local knowledge we thought might help us.”

Garibaldi put his hands in his pockets and shrugged expressively. “Delenn sent her along with Ranger boy here. I just wanted to make sure your people knew she and the Rangers would be poking around in the tunnels. We wouldn't want any unfortunate accidents.”

Number One nodded briskly. “Fine. I'll let the others know.” Addressing herself to Jason, she directed, “Marie will go with you to the perimeter. Stay out of our way, and don't bring PsiCorps down on us. They have a presence out that way, as I'm sure you know. We have our hands full with EarthForce right now.” Turning away from them, she began giving instructions to two men who had been waiting patiently for her attention.

Jason hurried Anna out into the rock-lined corridor. He held one finger to his lips and Anna followed, silent, until they reached a fork in the tunnel. Garibaldi turned, and held out his hand to Anna. She shook it, Garibaldi nodded to Jason, and then he was gone. 

Anna turned to Jason, questions in her eyes. He raised one eyebrow. “You might want to hold off on announcing your identity. Even to allies.” He smiled crookedly at her. “Maybe especially to some allies.”

“You're right,” admitted Anna. “I want to hold on to Ann Sullivan, for a lot of reasons. That woman just got on my nerves.”

“She's been fighting a war, for a long time now. That changes you.” 

Anna started, realizing suddenly that they had been joined by two more Rangers, a man and a woman who were walking behind them. She looked over her shoulder and said 'hello', receiving only silent nods in return. Jason was examining a hand-held geo-mapping device. He gestured for Anna to join him. 

“Look at this. Are these the tunnels you were in before?”

Anna studied the map for a moment, tracing several paths with her forefinger. “This is the one we dug down to. Do you know where the prison is exactly?”

Jason pointed at a spot about two kilometers from the point at which they were standing. “Our latest intel shows it about here.” He pointed at the male Ranger, “Matthias has been doing some recon up above. And Nira, well Nira...is experienced with locks.” He looked slightly uncomfortable.

Nira smiled briefly at Anna. Anna smiled back, reminding herself a Ranger's past was none of her business, just like hers was none of theirs.

The guide that Number One had granted them took them as far as the Resistance held sway. Mars had a network of underground tunnels, mostly used for maintenance and storage. They had also served as emergency shelters during the early days of the colony, when the dust storms would scour the surface and the domes were still under construction.

What IPX had found interesting was that some of the tunnels pre-dated human occupation of the planet. There was still no real evidence of native sentient life on Mars, but it was possible there had been visitors in the distant past. Some of the caverns were natural formations in the rock, evidence of water at some point, but there were also indications of construction.

When they reached these older areas, the guide took up her post as forward watch. They left her behind and Jason pulled out the device that held the holo-map with the actual known tunnels and Anna's remembrance of where the expedition had dug further. Matt and Nira, the other two Rangers, had previously explored the outer perimeter of the structure above ground that served as David Sheridan's prison. Matt had gotten hired by a service that made daily deliveries to the prison, and had made friends with a couple of the guards. He had a good idea where Sheridan was being held, an area off limits to all but a few, and where PsiCops had been seen entering and leaving during the last several days.

Anna led them through areas marked with signs from her time there before. IPX used a coded system of tiles, temporarily bonded to the walls or floors. It was meant to not mar the surface of what might prove to be a historically important site, but still to provide direction and labeling. The Rangers could have found their way eventually but Anna's knowledge cut some hours off that time.

The Rangers walked in silence, holding small glow-lights. It was an oppressive atmosphere, although there was air being pumped in from somewhere, indicating that the tunnels were in use. It was thin dusty air but enough to breathe. When they found a sign they would signal Anna to come read it, and let them know which way to turn next. During one long trek down a straight passage, Anna suddenly felt dizzy. Her neck burned and her heart began to pound. It was Shadow presence, and strong, strong enough to be felt without a human vector. It seemed to be embedded in the very walls, sending pulses of darkness into the dimly lit corridor. Her pace slowed as her vision began to blur and narrow. Finally she stumbled, and felt Jason take her arm and hold her upright.

“What's wrong?” he whispered in concern. “Not claustrophobic, are you?”

“They were here,” Anna said urgently, through teeth clenched against the waves of pain that emanated from the back of her neck. “The Shadows were here!”

She felt rather than saw the exchange of glances. Jason reassured her, “Well, they're not here any more. Do you want to go back?”

“No, I can make it,” she said. Nira was shining her light on a square plaque mounted at a branching passage. Anna made herself walk over to it and peer at the marks. “It says there's a large open cavern down this way. It's the right direction, and there's an exit to the surface in the center.”

When they reached the open area, Matt checked the surface map and found they were directly under a large warehouse, just next to the area where they believed Sheridan was housed. The cavern was obviously being used as overflow storage, a few boxes and crates were stacked against one wall. The Rangers doused the lights, and Jason stayed closed to Anna while Matt and Nira circled the area, listening for any sounds of occupancy. No one was there. Playing their lights along the ceiling, they soon found the IPX borehole. It had a ladder affixed to one side. The long narrow passageway was closed at the top by a metal grate. 

“You wait here,” said Jason firmly to Anna, who had been examining the lower rungs of the ladder, tugging at the metal rail just above her head to see how strong it was.

“I'm going with you,” declared Anna, her eyes on the metal grate, wondering how they planned to open it. There seemed to be an electronic lock, a tiny red light blinking down the length of the hole. The reconnaissance had revealed a large door at the far end of the cavern. That must be how the supplies came and went, but it was probably guarded. This other passage was just closed off, probably for security reasons.

“Both Entil'zha and Captain Sheridan have made it clear that you are to be protected,” explained Jason. “It is risky enough to have you along on this mission. You will wait here.” He handed her a small tracking device. “I recorded our path to this place. Follow the signal, it will lead you back to where we left the guide. She has instructions to get you to safety if you return alone.”

Anna began to protest, but the other two Rangers had swung up into the passage and were rapidly climbing. Jason held one finger against his lips, and jumped to catch the lower rung of the ladder. He was quickly enveloped in shadows, and the last of the tiny lights was extinguished. Anna held a light cupped in one hand to reduce the revealing glow and the tracking device in the other. She was alone with her fears and the darkness. 

Minutes ticked by, ten, then twenty, then thirty. Anna sat down on the floor, cross-legged with the light in front of her like a feeble campfire. She practiced Minbari verb conjugations, tried to remember more about her last time on Mars, and mentally wrote the beginnings of her next paper on the origins of inter-species cooperatives. Finally she heard sounds overhead, the shuffling tread of soft boots on metal steps.

Jason and Nira came down first, and Matt followed with a shaky David Sheridan in tow. Anna got up from her seat on the cold stone floor of the tunnel and hurried over. David seemed to swallow an exclamation of surprise and instead leaned on the arm she offered him. They followed after the lead Rangers, with Matt bringing up the rear. He was scanning to each side and behind them, keeping an eye out for pursuit. But no one followed them. 

When they reached the older part of the tunnels, Anna shook her head to stop the buzzing heat that again gathered at the base of her neck. David peered at her with concern, but she merely smiled and continued walking. When they reached the area patrolled by the Resistance, with no signs of anyone attempting to chase them, they finally slowed down.

“They wanted us to escape,” said Jason. He rounded the corner, returning with a collapsible chair which he placed in front of the older man. David looked at Anna, who shook her head decisively, and he gratefully took the seat. Jason smiled, “The Resistance guard can stand when she gets back from her patrol.” He looked down at David. “They must think you're better off their hands.”

“Where did you come from?” asked David. He looked to be in shock, and stared at them all, though his gaze kept returning to Anna. “How did you know where I was?”

“Delenn sent us to bring you home,” said Anna. She knelt beside David, looking at him closely, worried at his pallor and rapid breathing. 

“The Minbari ambassador sent you to get me,” David said, incredulous. Then, a tic appearing at the corner of his mouth, he demanded, “Where's John?”

“He's on Earth. President Luchenko has John under house arrest. No one's sure which way she's going to jump in this situation.” Anna's air of confidence shone through her next words. “She'll come around eventually. John will be fine. Everything's going to be fine.”

David looked skeptical, but nodded. He patted Anna's arm. Then he slowly rose to his feet. “Even if they've decided to let me go, let's not give them a chance to change their mind.”

With the help of the Resistance they made their way underground to an exit near the spaceport. Matt and Nira faded away into the dark tunnels separately, long before they reached their destination. Jason took off his Ranger cape, draping it over David's shoulders and pulling the hood up to partially obscure his face. Anna put one arm around David and he leaned heavily on her, as if he needed her assistance to walk. Jason pulled on a round cap and wound a scarf around his neck. He held the door open for the other two. He strode down the half-empty corridor leading to the private docking bays. No one stopped them as they had entered beyond the main Security gate. They were aboard in a flash, and Jason quickly prepped the flyer for take-off. Their flight plan had been filed in advance, with only the time of departure left vacant. Anna took David to a seat in the rear and once he was settled, sank into a seat opposite him.

“Whew,” she said, blowing her hair away from her face. David had taken off Jason's cloak, folded it carefully and placed it on the seat next to him. “I'll be glad when we're back on the ship.”

“You still haven't explained why we're going to a Minbari ship in the first place. I've heard some scuttlebutt from the guards, about the war, and what happened to President Clark, but I want the whole story.” David settled back in his seat, his large veined hands gripping the arms of the chair.

Anna sighed and gave him the condensed version. David shook his head as Anna described the role of the captive telepaths in the taking down of Lefcourt's armada. His expression grew grave as she told of President's Clark's attempt to turn the defenses on Earth on itself. Anna's voice shook as she described the near immolation of the Agamemnon.

David took her hands between his own. “But he's all right. You said so yourself.” He examined her closely and said, “Now tell me about the Minbari ambassador.”

Anna sputtered a bit as she said weakly, “What about her?”

David said carefully, “I watched that documentary with you. John and this woman, they were so careful not to look at each other. Too careful. There's something between them, isn't there? Something more than a military alliance?”

“I was gone, Pops. John thought I was dead.” Anna spoke softly, as if reciting a story. “It was three years, and he waited, and he mourned me, and eventually he moved on. Delenn is wonderful, she was my first friend when I returned. She believed in me even before John did.”

David nodded his understanding. “It's an old story, and usually a sad one. People go missing during times of war and conflict, then re-surface long after everyone has stopped looking for them.” He patted her hand. “But not stopped missing them. Poor Anna, and poor Delenn. How are you dealing with it?”

“I'm okay,” replied Anna. “More than okay.” She leaned forward and said earnestly, “I have something to tell you. Something we have planned.”

David showed alarm, concern, and finally a sneaking admiration as Anna outlined what she and Delenn had in mind. When she finished, he patted her hand. “I don't know if it'll work Anna, but if it will make you happy, you should try for it. But, oh my,” he added, “Poor John.”


	14. Three is Sacred

Anna was humming to herself as she walked the corridors of Geneva once again. She had checked in with Pat Crosby as soon as they hit Earth space, receiving a warm if brief welcome. Pat had sent over government credentials in Ann Sullivan's name, so Anna could move freely about the EarthGov compound. John remained in EarthGov custody, cooling his heels in a luxurious and well appointed courtesy prison. Delenn remained on board ship, working on the new Alliance, longing to come down and see John but reluctant to increase the dissension in the Earth factions by her presence.

 

David Sheridan remained on board the Minbari ship as well. He had struck up a friendship with Delenn and was busy exploring the ship and advising her on the ins and out of diplomacy on Earth. He still had contacts in the diplomatic corps and was fairly well up on the current situation in Geneva. Anna had left Delenn to work her charms on the older Sheridan and gone in search of the younger.

 

On the way to meet John she ran into a pack of journalists, eye-cams and vid-mikes at the ready. She sidled along the wall; they weren't interested in her anyway. Once past the crowd, she turned a corner and ran straight into Sophie Franklin.

 

“Ann? Is that you?” Sophie pulled Anna into a quick hug. Her enthusiasm was infectious and Anna laughed and hugged her back.

 

“What are you doing here?” asked Anna, trying to keep in mind that here she was Ann, Senator Crosby's assistant.

 

“I'm back in the business,” answered Sophie. She gestured towards Anna with a tablet and stylus. “Like all the rest, I'm trying to catch a word with the hero of the hour.” She tilted her head to one side. “Or is it the villain of our times?”

 

“You mean John Sheridan?” asked Anna, trying not to sound as amused as she felt. “I might be able to help you with that.”

 

“Are you serious?” said Sophie, eyes flying wide. “He's given a few interviews, but mainly to the big boys. I'm just here for a regional magazine.” She blushed slightly. “It's an online military-oriented periodical. There's a lot of interest in Captain Sheridan, as you can imagine. Everyone wants to hear his story.” She lifted one eyebrow. “Some even want to hear his side of the story.”

 

“Staying on with the family business in a way, aren't you?” laughed Anna.

 

“I know, I know,” laughed Sophie. “But I needed to get started, and I do know a good deal about the subject.” Her ironic tone gave way to a smile. “Having grown up with it.”

 

“Give me your number and I'll see what I can do,” said Anna, “About the interview I mean.”

 

Sophie took the cellcom Anna held out and keyed in eight digits. “I really appreciate this. And your advice when we met? It really helped. Mom is doing so much better, I can still help out but also get back to my own life.”

 

Anna tucked away her cell and shook Sophie's hand. “I'll be in touch. It's great to see you.” Continuing down the corridor to John's room, she encountered Security, both civilian and military. Her pass got her through and she mentally thanked Pat for giving her access without the hassle of establishing her true identity. The thought of what was true and what was false circled around her head as she approached John's quarters. Still, what's in a name? She was who she was, both Ann and Anna, wife and lover, scientist and spy. At the door, she straightened her jacket, stood up straight, and hit the door chime.

 

There was no answer. It was quite a letdown. Looking around the corridor, she saw a monitor screen and put in a call to Pat.

 

“Ann!” exclaimed the Senator. There was a flurry of activity behind the tall attractive woman. She turned her head away and in her clipped authoritative tone, still containing a bit of accent, she ordered everyone out of the room. She took a seat behind a large desk and adjusted the monitor to face her.

 

“Thanks for the pass, Senator,” began Anna.

 

“No need for thanks,” responded Pat quickly. “We all owe you and yours more than we can ever repay.” Her eyes were bright and hard. “It ran a bit tight there at the end.”

 

“I know,” said Anna soberly. “We were watching, and praying along with you.” She gestured at the hallway behind her. “Do you know where John...I mean Captain Sheridan...is? There's no answer at his quarters.”

 

“He's in with the generals again. They've had him explain himself a dozen times already.” Pat smiled grimly. “It's up to Luchenko in the end, of course. Civilian control sometimes escapes the military mind.”

 

“They are problem solvers,” responded Anna. “John is the problem du jour, and he's their problem in their minds.”

 

“One of their own,” said Pat. “I understand, but this is bigger than military hierarchy and the chain of command. Much bigger.”

 

“Can you get me in so I can wait for him?” asked Anna.

 

“I think so,” replied Pat doubtfully. She reached for the keyboard in front of her and tapped a few keys. Then she pulled out a comunit and spoke into it, quietly enough that Anna couldn't hear the words, though from Pat's tone it was obvious they were commands. “There,” she said. “Approach the civilian guard at the door. He's been told to expect you and allow you in to wait. You'll have to be searched I'm afraid.”

 

“That's no problem,” replied Anna. “What's my cover story?”

 

“Questions from the Senate Committee on Xeno-Relations. You're bringing yet another questionnaire about his motives and foreign influences.” Pat grimaced. “This whole episode has brought out the bigots in EarthGov. You'd think they would have slunk away in embarrassment after the revelations that have come out. I've told the guards you're to wait for the answers and hand deliver them back here.”

 

“Okay,” said Anna. “But I don't have a questionnaire, you know.”

 

“I sent one to your cell. Flash the official seal on the document at them. It'll be enough.” Pat gave her a look of appraisal. “I'll check in with you later today. I may have a proposition for you.”

 

“A proposition? That sounds interesting,” replied Anna.

 

“Later,” said Pat. “I can hear the wolves howling at the door. I can only put off these people for so long.” She gave a long mock-sigh. “I miss your amazing gate-keeping abilities, Ann.”

 

“You just need to be able to say 'no',” replied Anna. “Over and over and over again.” Both women laughed and Pat signed off the call. Anna checked her cell and there was the document, scary-long and official-looking. She went back down the corridor and approached the guard in EarthGov brown and was pleased to be allowed entrance without even a wand-screening. The military guard stood at attention and didn't give her a glance, although she thought she caught a sneer at the civilian's lack of attention to security protocol.

 

Once inside, she wondered how long she would have to wait. Even at EarthGov's glacial pace, this whole thing was taking too long. Soon Delenn would arrive, with Londo Mollari and G'Kar of Narn to present the invitation to the new Alliance to Luchenko. David would come with her, and then, well then she and Delenn had to find a chance to talk to John alone and present their own invitation.

 

To amuse herself, she scrolled through the questions Pat had sent over. It was obviously a real document, probably one John had already filled out. The questions were impertinent, meant to mislead and obfuscate the very real issues of foreign involvement in Earth's civil war, and the preceding Shadow war. Although there weren't many questions about the wider war. Her temper began to burn as she considered John having to jump through all these hoops after what he'd been through, and what he'd already given up.

 

The monitor on the wall chimed and she looked up, startled. Her name, or Ann Sullivan's name, was flashing under the message light. She rose and came closer, and seeing Pat's name on the message she called out, 'play message.'

 

“Ann?” came Pat's voice. “I have someone on the line who wants to talk with you. I'm patching it through my office so it's a secure line. Take as long as you like. Has Captain Sheridan returned?”

 

“No,” said Anna, her heart inexplicably starting to pound. “He's not back yet.”

 

“Remember to check in with me later,” said Pat. “I'll be in meetings most of the afternoon, but leave a message and I'll make time.” Her image flickered and faded, the screen went black briefly, then a smiling face lit up the screen. The white hair almost glowed as it lay in waves against the tan face, and the smile sparkled just as bright.

 

“Emily?” gasped Anna. “How did you know I was here?”

 

“I didn't,” said Emily Dexter. “How could I? After you up and left the planet without a word?” The voice was gently scolding, but the smile didn't waver. “I was trying to get someone into Geneva, and Senator Crosby was my only sure contact in EarthGov. When I called the senator, she told me you were there.” She broke off for a moment and spoke indistinctly to someone off camera. Turning back to Anna, she grinned broadly. “My guest will be leaving today. Maybe you can meet her where she gets there?” Moving away from the screen, another woman's face filled the screen. Her face was smooth, with lines at the corners of her eyes and mouth, light brown hair pulled back from her face and loosely tied at the back of her neck. Her eyes were a shifting green and brown, like leaves reflected in the sun-dappled water of a muddy creek.

 

Anna couldn't speak for a moment, but laid one hand flat on the screen.

 

“Anna?” Miranda Sheridan put her hand out to match her daughter-in-law's. “Is it really you? I heard you were alive, from Emily and Will, and David hinted at it the one time we got to talk after I left the farm, but I don't think I really believed it until now.”

 

“It's me,” Anna said. “Are you all right? I mean, obviously you're all right.” Her voice faltered. She was so happy she couldn't breathe. “You're coming here?”

 

“Yes, I want to see John. Besides, he needs his family there, backing him up. If I get a chance to talk to those generals and politicians...” Miranda's chin came up, her jaw tightened, and her resemblance to John increased substantially.

 

Anna nodded, blinking away tears. “He'll have all the backing he needs. Pops is here, at least, he will be. He's with Delenn now but they will be coming planetside soon.”

 

Surprise flickered over Miranda's face, but she merely said, “I can't wait to see you all.”

 

“What time does your flight arrive?” asked Anna eagerly. “I haven't even seen John yet. They've had him in meetings and briefings and de-briefings and God knows what else.”

 

“Emily says they'll get me on the next low-orbital flight. It doesn't leave until tomorrow, but it only takes four hours now, so before noon?” She turned away and spoke briefly to Emily, then returned to the screen. “10:15, the main spaceport, domestic side. Can you make it, or shall I take a hovercab to EarthGov headquarters?”

 

“I'll be there,” promised Anna. “Maybe I'll even have our housing figured out by then!” Laughter bubbled out of her. This was going to be some family reunion. Delenn had to get down here so they could get things sorted out with John.

 

“Love you, Annie. Can't wait to see you,” Miranda's image flickered and the screen went black.

 

The com lit up one more time before John arrived. It was David, who informed Anna that he and Delenn were coming down that very afternoon. Anna got to tell him that Miranda arrived the next day and between all the smiles it was a miracle the viewscreen didn't burn out. Anna left a message with Pat to set up housing for David and Miranda, and for Delenn, although she had private plans for those quarters. After that, she tried to scan the news but found her eyes drooping shut and finally she just lay down to wait.

 

The door opened suddenly and John strode into the room. Anna had been half asleep on the couch, her legs curled up and her arms wrapped around her knees. She woke to a butterfly kiss on her cheek and said sleepily, “That beard is going to take some getting used to. It tickles.” Reaching up she wrapped one arm around John's neck and pulled him down for a full kiss on the lips. He pulled her up into his arms and they fell into a familiar embrace.

 

“Anna, what are you doing here?” John finally broke away to say. “Where's Delenn?”

 

“She's coming down today,” Anna said when she caught her breath. “And oh, John, your mother will be here tomorrow!”

 

“Mom's coming here?” said John with a broad smile. “Lord, those generals had better watch out. She never did approve of my joining EarthForce.” His smile faded. “Not sure she'll have that to worry about much longer.”

 

“Why?” asked Anna. “What are they up to now?” Her eyes glinted with incipient fury. “They aren't going to proceed with the court martial, are they?”

 

“I'm not sure,” admitted John, running his hand through his hair. He kept his other arm around Anna's waist. “It's all up to the President. She's called a press conference tomorrow morning, and I'm to have a private meeting with her just before that. I think my fate's been decided, she's just waiting on the best time to announce it.”

 

“Your fate isn't in her hands,” said Anna, stroking his cheek gently. “You make your own fate, you always have.”

 

John pulled her back into his arms and whispered into her hair. “I never did get a chance to welcome you home properly.”

 

Anna put both hands on either side of his face, examining the small scars barely visible under the greying hair. “We have a few hours. And we should make every hour count, don't you agree?”

 

John's answer was very much in the affirmative.

 

Anna was in the shower when Delenn and David arrived at John's quarters. A message had come through, at some point, with the assignment of adjacent rooms for the elder Sheridans and for Ambassador Delenn. There was also information on the quarters set aside for Ambassador Mollari and Citizen G'Kar. Quite a party, thought Anna as she quickly dried her hair and threw on her clothes. Delenn had promised to bring along what clothes Anna had left on the ship. Logistics were going to be a problem with the three of them.

 

“Pops!” Anna cried and enveloped the older man in a hug. “I can't believe it! You're here; Miranda's on her way...” Then she went over to Delenn who was hovering around John like a bee around a towering flower. “And how are you? Plans all set for the big announcement?”

 

Delenn nodded, a proud smile hovering over her lips. “I will also be speaking with your President tomorrow before the press conference.”

 

John had crossed the room and was hugging his father again and grinning broadly. He spared Delenn a questioning, almost anxious, glance.

 

“It is going to be quite a day!” announced Anna, her cheeks flushed with pleasure.

 

“We still don't know what they're going to do with me,” protested John. David looked alarmed at his words.

 

“What's more important is what we're going to do with you.” Delenn's glance was almost arch.

 

Anna almost choked at the purr behind Delenn's hint at their intentions. David merely held up both hands and said, “Is anyone going to show me where I'm staying? I'd like to rest for a while. Will we all meet up for dinner tonight?”

 

“I'll take you over,” said Anna. Over her shoulder, she sent a warning message. “I'll be right back, you two.” To Delenn, she added, “Don't do anything I wouldn't do.” The door closed on John's sputtering face.

 

After Anna left David in his quarters, she checked the adjacent rooms. Her small amount of luggage was there, along with Delenn's carryall. That was good, and now she had to get back to John and Delenn. She loitered a bit, giving them time for a proper greeting. But finally she took a deep breath and hit the door chime. The guards merely examined her curiously at this point, possibly wondering why she kept coming in and out, possibly not caring as long as she was cleared for entry.

 

“Hi?” Anna came in slowly, giving her husband and her lover time to disentangle from each other. Delenn was adjusting the shoulders of her tunic, and John was smoothing down his rumpled hair and straightening his jacket. “Are you decent?” she called as she moved into the living room.

 

“That's an old joke,” groused John. He sat down heavily on the couch, eying the two of them with suspicion. “This is quite a mess we've gotten ourselves into. And I'm getting the idea the two of you have come up with a solution. Care to share it with me?”

 

Delenn folded her hands demurely and began, “When three people become close as we have become close...”

 

Anna watched in amazement as John began to snicker, then to laugh out loud, almost rolling on the sofa. Delenn was looking on with more than a smidgeon of glee. “Care to share what's funny?” Anna demanded.

 

“It's an old Minbari tradition,” said John, with mock solemnity. “Lots of things are old Minbari traditions, as it turns out.”

 

“As it turns out,” broke in Delenn, “it is indeed a very old Minbari tradition that I wanted to tell you about.” She sat down beside John and took his hand. Anna crossed the room and sat on his other side. Delenn began again. “You know we are three, three castes that is. Long ago, on occasions at the end of our wars, there was a tradition that each caste would offer a leader to join with the other. It was often a joining of...what is the word? Of convenience?”

 

Anna couldn't help it. She giggled. John gave her one of his patented looks, and she smothered further reaction, looking over at Delenn with an attentive expression. “Please. Go on,” she said politely.

 

Delenn continued, eyes bright. “Very occasionally the battle spread to all three castes, with no clear winner. The tradition called for a ceremony called the Triad.”

 

John looked as if he'd been pole-axed, as the old expression went. “Are you saying...what I think you're saying?” He looked from one woman to the other.

 

Anna put her hand on his arm. “Listen, John. Delenn and I have discussed this. It's not just that both of us love you. We've come to love one another.”

 

That didn't seem to help. John had turned so pale and remained so quiet that Anna was suddenly worried this wasn't going to work. David had reminded her, not that she'd needed reminding, that John was a traditional man. 

 

Delenn spoke then. “John, love is such a rare and wonderful thing. What we have, what you have with Anna, what Anna and I have found...can the Universe mean for us to throw one side of this triangle away?”

 

“I don't know, Delenn,” said John slowly. “Are you suggesting a threesome of some kind?”

 

“A Triad joining,” replied Delenn.

 

“Three marriages,” said Anna at the same time. She went on, “Our marriage is strong enough to withstand an addition. We've always spent a great deal of our time together apart, pursuing our dreams and our careers. Delenn and you work best closely together. It could work, really it could.”

 

“Anna,” John began, but she held a finger against his lips. Delenn was leaning against John, her fingers interlaced with his and her other hand reaching across him to clasp Anna's. 

 

Anna stood slowly, and looked down on the two of them. “John, I'm going to leave now. I think you two should talk this over.” Looking over at Delenn, she smiled. “I'm going to our quarters. I do not expect you back tonight.”

 

As the door closed behind her, Anna whistled a short happy tune. Let John have his first night with Delenn, if that's how it went for them. There was always time enough for love.

 

Anna took David out to dinner, then brought him back to his quarters. The older man was tired and anxious to see his wife. Anna settled down in Delenn's quarters, but found she couldn't relax, wondering what was going on with John and Delenn. When her cell chimed, she grabbed at it and answered quickly, “Yes?”

 

It was Pat Crosby. “Anna, are you alone? Can you talk?”

 

“Sure,” Anna replied. She tucked her legs under her as she lounged on the sofa in the living area of the VIP suite assigned to Delenn. “What's up?”

 

“I don't know what you've got planned when all this is over, but I could use a xeno-anthropologist with a nose for Shadow tech for a project I have in mind.” Pat sounded inordinately pleased with herself.

 

“A project for Ann Sullivan or for Anna Sheridan?” asked Anna, intrigued in spite of herself.

 

“For you,” emphasized Pat, “Whatever you choose to call yourself. Listen, President Clark was working with the Shadows, or at least he had access to some of their technology. He'd incorporated it into some of the ships in the fleet. There's a connection with PsiCorps as well. We need someone who can suss out Shadow tech, both old and new. You'd be stationed on Mars. PsiCorps is where we want to start. They've been running things their own way for too long.” She paused but when Anna didn't answer she went on, “Think about it, okay? This whole thing with Captain Sheridan should be resolved tomorrow, according to what I hear. Then you two can make your own decisions.”

 

“Thank you,” Anna finally got out. She'd been thinking of the tunnels under the PsiCorps prison, and the hint of Shadow presence that had affected her there. It was something valuable to do, something important, something that she was uniquely suited for. And she wanted it. It was another angle to a situation with a number of angles already.

 

After a few more hours, she fell asleep on the couch. It was chilly in the room, and she had been too tired to drag the blankets off the bed. She was adrift in dreams of ice and cold when a gentle touch awoke her. Her eyes slid open to see Delenn kneeling next to the couch.

 

“We are here,” she said, and Anna felt John's arms lifting her up. He carried her into the adjacent bedroom and laid her down on the soft fluffy comforter. Two sets of hands began to undress her and she almost wept at the flood of warm desire and intense belonging that broke over her at the touch of her two loves.

 

**Epilogue: Reader, I Married Her**

 

_Mars, one year later_

 

Ann Sullivan sat at a round resin table at an 'outdoor' bistro in Burroughs City. Nothing was really outdoors on Mars. All things, people, animals, and plants lived their lives enclosed by the domes or connected by the trains or underground tunnels. She was waiting for an old acquaintance, someone whose business was business, or so he said.

 

“Ms. Sullivan,” said Mr. Garibaldi, taking a seat across from her. “Or would you prefer Dr. Sullivan?”

 

“Ann,” replied Anna. “Please, call me Ann.” She pushed the carafe of coffee towards him, and gestured at the second cup. “Have a drink. Let's talk.”

 

“Then it's Michael,” replied the man, as he poured a cup of the dark brown liquid. “After all, we've been working together on and off for the last year, if at a distance.”

 

“That's true. And now I understand we have a new project.” Anna sipped her coffee.

 

“Edgars Industries has a new assignment, courtesy of EarthGov, to help the remaining telepaths who were infected with Shadow tech. Stephen never stopped working on it, and now he's been given some research money and staff from EI. He'll direct the project down on Earth.” Michael gulped his coffee down, and re-filled his cup. “This is the real thing,” he looked around the small cafe. “I wonder if they need any investors?”

 

Anna laughed, “They might, you'll have to ask. What can I do to help with this project?” Privately, she thought she'd need to get the news to John. He'd never forgotten the telepaths he'd had to use to win the war.

 

“Well, it is Shadow tech. Lyta Alexander, you remember her? She could reach into their minds, she could push back the Shadow's presence.” Michael eyed Anna carefully.

 

Anna shrugged. “I'm no telepath.”

 

“Maybe you can tell if the tech is out, completely out, when it's removed. If it's gone from their minds.” He signaled the waiter. “I'm starving, if you want lunch, it's on me.”

 

“I don't know,” said Anna slowly. Michael was seemingly engrossed in the menu. “It's still more of a job for a telepath. Have you tried to contact Lyta? She'd want to help.”

 

“She's still on walkabout with G'Kar,” replied Michael. “And PsiCorps isn't exactly falling over themselves to help out, even though it's their own people who are infected.”

 

After a moment's thought, Anna said, “Of course I'll do what I can. Those poor people deserve whatever help we can give them.”

 

Michael leaned back in the chair, tipping it up on its back legs. “Good. I'll let you know when and where. The lab isn't completely set up yet. We're re-locating the cryo-chambers containing the patients to the new space. We'll be recruiting staff there as well as sending some down from Mars. You'll be part-time, going back and forth between planets, especially since you've still got projects going here.”

 

“I do,” replied Anna. “It's been crazy busy, but I also have to get out to Minbar soon. John and Delenn will be moving any day now to the new Alliance headquarters there.”

 

Michael leaned forward, and lowering his voice as the waiter approached, asked, “Where exactly do you fit into that situation?”

 

“To the world at large, I'm Ann Sullivan. I work for EarthGov, out of Senator Crosby's office. Anna Sheridan died on Z'ha'dum, and John Sheridan was re-married to Delenn ra'Mir that day on the White Star.” Anna shook her head at the waiter, who took Michael's order and disappeared. “What isn't common knowledge is that I also married Delenn that day. John and I remain married as well, going on fourteen years now.” She smiled at Michael's expression. “It's an old Minbari tradition.”

 

Michael was trying to look nonchalant, but he was obviously a little shocked. “Well, I'll be...how's that working out for you?” His curiosity was evident in the eager tone in his voice.

 

“It's working just fine,” Anna said happily. She wasn't exactly sure why she was sharing this information, but Michael Garibaldi certainly qualified as a family friend. Besides, she'd need some time off in the fall. She announced proudly, “We're going to have a baby! John is convinced it's a boy, but what does he know? I'm holding out for a little girl!”

 

Michael's mouth gaped open, then snapped shut. Broadly smiling, he held up his coffee mug. “Mazel tov,” he said, and Anna laughed and clicked her own cup against his.

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Parts 1-6 originally written and posted at LJ in 2011. Parts 7-10 eked out over the following two years. Parts 11-14 written partly for NaNo 2013. Finished December 2013. Edited January 2014. It's been a long haul.
> 
> The Dreaded Sex Scene partly beta'd by nenya_kanadka and wendelah1. Thanks, ladies.


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